Shades of the Past
by badkarma00
Summary: After Miranda, Jayne undergoes an attitude change, and his past is revealed to the crew by the chance meeting of an old comrade. I really can't thank everyone enough! Those of you who have read and reviewed, I really appreciate your input. Thanks so much!
1. Chapter 1

Okay, I'm new at this, so let me just say that I own none of the rights to Firefly, Serenity, or any of the associated characters, etc. I did this for fun, and don't get a dime put of it. It's just to keep Serenity alive a little bit, at least for me. Hope you enjoy!

Shades of the Past – Prologue

Set two months after BDM

Jayne was sitting at the table in the galley, nursing a cup of tea, when River came drifting in. There had been a time when the mug would have smelled of whiskey, but no longer. After Book's death, Jayne had opened a letter left for him on Haven, written by Book. It was to be opened in the event of Book's death.

No one knew what the letter had said, but the changes in Jayne had been abrupt, to say the least. He no longer mouthed off to Mal, made fun of the doctor, or told raucous tales at the dinner table, nor elsewhere. Mal had commented more than once that Jayne scared him more now, than before.

Jayne had ignored the comments, just as he ignored the fact that the Doctor still treated him the same way, calling him ape, or ape-man, ridiculing Jayne's lack of education and 'low caste birth'. It apparently never occurred to the core-bred idiot that his insults hit home with Kaylee.

As a result, the little engineer no longer chased the good doctor, instead choosing to ignore him almost entirely. Jayne didn't smirk, because he felt bad for Kaylee. And, truth be told, he was sorry she was suffering because of him.

"Can't sleep, big man?" River's voice floated across the room to him.

"Nah," Jayne replied, a slight smile on his face. "Don't know if it's the medicine the Doc gave me for the shoulder or what, but I don't sleep much lately."

"Me as well," the little assassin nodded. She fixed her own drink, and sat beside him at the table. Both drank and reflected in silence for a while.

"You know," Jayne said suddenly, looking at the girl, "I reckon I never said thank you, River-gal, for what you did back there at Mr. Universe's. I should have. I'm sorry you had to, but you saved us all. I'm beholden to you." River's eyes narrowed slightly, but she sensed nothing but sincerity from him. She shrugged.

"It isn't like I can take credit for it," she sighed softly. "It's. . .it's what they made me." She took another sip of her tea.

"Whatever the way or the reason, you still saved us." Jayne's big hand reached out and patted her tiny one. She almost withdrew, but his hand was back on his own cup before she had the chance. Again, nothing but sincerity.

"Your welcome," she finally managed, with a weak grin. He smiled again, a sincere smile, that reached his cobalt eyes.

Suddenly, tears welled in her eyes. Alarmed, Jayne reached out, a hand on her arm.

"What's wrong, River?" he asked, voice concerned. "Look, I didn't mean to make you. . .I mean all I was trying to do was. . ." he stopped his spluttering as River shook her head.

"Not you, Jayne," she sobbed quietly. "All my fault. Wash, Preacher, all the others. All dead. All because of me. All my fault. . ."

"_Bi zu!"_ Jayne's voice was still quiet, but hard and firm. He reached out and took the girl by her slight shoulders, forcing her to look at him. He was shocked she didn't try and fight.

"Now you listen here, girl," he said harshly. "And I mean you listen good! Ain't none of what happened, _look at me!_" Jayne's voice raised slightly, and the girl looked again into those deep blue eyes, now burning with fury.

"None, and I mean _none_ of what happened, was your fault. You hear me? You didn't ask anyone to take you away, and make you into something you didn't ask to be. To be given a burden no one should have to bear, especially not a kid. You didn't ask any of us to help, including Wash. And Book, well, he would have helped even if he'd knowed he was to die in the doin'. And been hurt if'n you hadn't asked."

"It was the Alliance that did this, River. You hear me talking? The Alliance is to blame, and no one else. Ever drop of blood spilled on account of this is on their hands, and not yours. I never want to hear you say different again. _Dong ma?_"

River nodded through her tears, and suddenly seemed to collapse in his arms. Jayne grabbed her without thought, and pulled into his lap, where she buried her face into his massive shoulder and cried. Jayne rocked her gently.

"There ya go," he whispered softly. "Cry, River. Anybody in the whole 'verse got a right to cry, it's you. Go ahead and cry it all out. No one will know but you and me."

The big man held the tiny woman for a long time, he never really knew how long, or cared. River cried her pain out that night, soaking his shirt with tears of pain and suffering, the likes of which no one her age should ever have had to know.

Finally, exhausted, she fell sound asleep on his shoulder. Jayne waited a long time, until he was sure she was asleep, then eased himself out of his chair. He debated on what to do with the little woman, and finally decided to place her on the couch. He walked over to the sofa, and gently deposited her sleeping frame onto the cushions, then placed a blanket over her.

Reluctant to leave her alone, Jayne eased into the chair next to her, and made himself as comfortable as possible. He'd slept in worse places. And she deserved the company. Had earned it, to his way of thinking.

Jayne dozed gently as River slept her first good sleep in a long while.

Neither one saw Malcolm Reynolds standing just outside the door. The Captain had watched the entire episode. He had almost interrupted when Jayne had grabbed the girl's shoulders, but was now glad that he hadn't.

He had tensed in anticipation when Jayne had stood, carrying the sleeping girl. Again, he had waited, and was again glad that he had. He was amazed at how gently Jayne had placed her on the old sofa, and watched almost in awe as the merc had covered the girl, then settled into the chair beside her. After a moment, Mal had turned and went silently back to his own bunk.

He knew, now, that Jayne would never harm the girl. And that he owed the man some thanks of his own.


	2. Chapter 2

Shades of the Past – Chapter One

In the months following the episode in the galley, Jayne and River grew to be almost inseparable, much to the consternation of her brother. The doctor was more and more agitated by the growing closeness between the two, and his attempts to aggravate Jayne grew more and more abusive.

Strangely, Jayne ignored them. Not once, in the time since Miranda, had Jayne been in any way out of line. He allowed Simon's barbs to roll of his back like water, never rising to take the bait.

Finally, the rest of the crew began to see that Jayne had changed a great deal, and as a result, grew more and more displeased with Simon. Simon's frustrations were only heightened by this, and by his failed attempts to reconcile with Kaylee. The little engineer had made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that she and the good doctor where done.

Finally, with the ship well out into the black on a cargo run from Persephone, Simon went to far.

The crew was at dinner. Jayne was sitting in his usual place, with River on one side, and Kaylee on the other. The three were laughing and joking quietly, and Jayne was telling a story from his own past, one where he had been the butt of an awful joke. He was laughing as hard as everyone else at the table, Inara included.

"So, anyway," Jayne said between mouthfuls, "here I am, no clothes, no money, no comms. It had to be three miles to the ship, and the cap'n wasn't one to wait on lost crew members, or even check on them, unlike Mal. I had maybe thirty minutes to get on board, or, well, be left. So, I grab two trash can lids, one front and one back, and start sneaking through alleyways, trying to get to the docks without anyone seeing me."

"I was about halfway there, cutting through a back alley, and suddenly a door opens, and I'm standing in front of an old lady, eighty if she was a day. I'm expecting her to start yelling, maybe call the law or something, and trying to stammer my way through an explanation, when she _smiles_ at me."

"No doubt the owner of some whore house, recognizing you," Simon snorted suddenly, interrupting. The table went still suddenly. Mal's eyes narrowed dangerously, but rather than address Simon, he turned to Jayne.

"And?" he asked, smiling.

"Well," Jayne started, hesitating a bit. "Anyway, she smiles, right? I'm just stunned. Totally caught off guard. She smiles again, and motions for me to come inside. About that time I thought 'no way is she thinking what I think she's thinking'. I mean, here I am, nekkid as the day I was born. . ."

"Hatched is more like it," Simon cut in again. "No, wait. Apes are born live, Jayne. Sorry about that." He snickered nastily at his own humor. The table again fell silent, and this time Mal didn't let it pass.

"Doctor, if you can't pass a peaceable meal, then leave this table to those of us who can, _dong ma?_" Simon looked to Mal, incredulous.

"You'd send_ me_ from the table, and allow this. . .this, _baboon_ to stay?" he spluttered.

"Yes, and I'm doing just that, right now," Mal nodded, his patience gone. "Go. Tend to your infirmary, go to bed, whatever you like, but leave this table. Now." Mal's voice was iron.

"Fine!" Simon snarled, pushing his chair back and standing. "Come, River, we're not wanted here, it seems." River looked up at Simon, and he was shocked to see pity in her eyes.

"No one said anything about River," Mal spoke again, his voice low. "Just you."

"If you think I'm leaving my sister here with. . ." Simon yelled, stopping when Mal stood.

"River can do as she pleases," the Captain said firmly. "She's a woman grown, and an equal part of this crew. Now leave. This. Table. Don't make me tell you again."

Simon looked as if he were about to erupt. He looked at River, who was still regarding him with pity, then at the rest of the crew. He found no sympathy there, either. How could they side with Jayne, of all people, against _him_. Didn't they see how much better he was?

Finally, throwing his napkin down on the table, he stomped out of the galley. Tension slowly left the table, as the others returned to their meal. River picked at her food, torn between loyalty to her _ge_ _ge_, and to the family that had taken them in when they had nowhere left to run. The people who had shed blood over them, lost loved ones over them, and helped her to heal.

"Don't," Jayne's voice rumbled quietly beside her. She looked up at him, eyes wide.

"I ain't a reader," he chuckled. "Don't have to be to know what's in your pretty head. You do as you please, how it suits _you_ to do. Like Cap'n said, you're an equal part of this crew."

River smiled, pleased at Jayne's endorsement of her status. She was the pilot now, and an extra gunhand, when needed. She also helped sort out traps and dishonesty for Mal. She was making her own money, and had found her place.

"I'm sorry, Captain," she turned to Mal, eyes wide with sincerity. "I don't. . ."

"No need, lil albatross," Mal stopped her, raising a hand. "I don't know what Simon's issues are. . .well, okay, I do, but still. He's him, and you are you. The two of you aren't a unit. You ain't accountable for him, nor is he for you anymore. The two of you are equals on this boat. You want to go, you can. You want to stay and finish, you're welcome to." Mal's voice indicated that the discussion was over, so far as he was concerned.

"Cap'n," Kaylee said, from Jayne's other side. "Me and River's been talking some, and well, we was hoping you'd sorta, well, maybe let us bunk together. Maybe we could add a bunk to my room? It'd be all kinds o' shiny. Please?" Kaylee trotted out the puppy eyes, the look that Mal couldn't say no to, no matter what. Mal brightened.

"Now that's a fine idea! I conjur you two would make good roomies, and be a spot o' comp'ny to one 'nother. Jayne, what d'ya think? Can we do that? Can you fix a bunk rack in Kaylee's room?"

"Sure thing, Captain," Jayne nodded after a moment of thought. "Have to lower Kaylee's rack, and then just add one on top for River. Take a few hours at most. We got a spare bunk?"

"Yes," Zoe answered that one. "Remember the bed you bought for us? The rack you took out is in storage." Zoe had managed to say it without a look of pain on her face. Jayne and Kaylee had spent most of their money from a job on a larger rack for Wash and Zoe's bunk for their one year anniversary, and the large merc had installed it himself.

"Forgot 'bout that, Zo'," Jayne mumbled, looking at the table. He kicked himself mentally for not remembering.

"Don't worry about it, Jayne," Zoe smiled softly at the look on his face, one she never expected to see. "But the rack should work."

"Well, then, that's all settled and shiny," Mal smiled with a nod. "'spect you can fix that up for them tomorrow, Jayne?" When Jayne nodded, both girls squealed, hugging first Jayne, and then Mal. Mal eyed them both with mock trepidation.

"Am I gonna have to listen to a lot of that sort of stuff, coming through the walls ever night?" he asked, trying to maintain a straight face.

"We love our captain!" both girls chanted at once, and then flew from the room, headed for Kaylee's bunk to see what they could do. Jayne smiled as he watched them go, and shook his head. He looked at Mal with a grin.

"Glad they ain't next to me, Captain. Reckon you'll be up walking the halls now." Mal, Zoe and Inara all laughed at that.

"Be worth it, to see them two act a bit more sprite," Mal said, his laugh dying off. He turned serious then.

"Jayne, I know that Simon has been riding you hard, and I'm reckoning I owe you a thank you for not taking his head off afore now. And an apology for not stoppin' it sooner." Jayne shook his head.

"Owe me no such thing, Captain," the big man replied quietly. "I needled ol' doc right good before. Only gettin' some of his own back, I expect. And it ain't your doing, to apologize for either. Don't let it bother you. I don't." With that Jayne went back to his meal. Zoe and Inara exchanged glances, and Mal joined in.

Everyone knew how different Jayne was since Miranda, but this was. . .Jayne was actually taking the blame for Simon mouthing off at him?

Mal looked at Zoe, then to Inara, and nodded his head toward the bridge, a clear signal that he wanted them to leave him and Jayne alone. Both women excused themselves, and the First Mate and ex-Companion started out of the room, talking about dresses. Mal waited until their voices were distant, then considered his mercenary.

Was mercenary even the right term anymore? Mal wondered. Jayne hadn't mentioned money in a long time. In fact he hadn't mentioned much of anything since before Miranda.


	3. Chapter 3

Shades of the Past – Chapter Two

_Once again, all the credit for Firefly goes to the man himself, Joss. I wish I were him, or at least living in his 'verse._

"Jayne, I ain't one to look a gift horse in the mouth," Mal started, and Jayne gave the Captain his undivided attention. "I just. . .Jayne, I gotta know, what's come over you?"

"I don't understand," Jayne replied, his face contorted into a frown.

"You ain't, I mean. . ." Mal trailed off, at a loss to ask what he wanted to know.

"I ain't myself?" the bigger man asked, with a wry grin.

"Well, to put it on the point, yeah," Mal nodded seriously. "I ain't saying in no way that I don't appreciate it, Jayne. I just can't help be. . .curious is all." Jayne nodded his understanding, leaning back into his chair.

"Ever look at yourself in the mirror, Mal?" Jayne asked, using Mal's name for the first time in a long while. Lately it was strictly Captain.

"Huh?" Mal blinked at the apparent non-sequitur. "Course I have!"

"Ever looked into the mirror, and hated the man looking back?" Jayne's voice was calm, and steady. Mal realized that the big man was as serious as he knew how to be.

"Not. . .hated, exactly," Mal answered uneasily. "I ain't always proud of the man looking back at me, though." It was a big admission for him, but Mal figured if Jayne was going to be honest, he owed the same back.

"I been a lot o' places, Mal," Jayne said somberly. "Don't matter where. I left home when I was fourteen. Why don't matter, it's the what came after. I woke up a little when Book was onboard. Not completely, mind, but a good bit. We talked a lot. You know, I'm guessing, that Book wasn't always a Shepard." Mal nodded. Book had said as much to him on more than one occasion.

"Well, I wasn't always a mercenary," Jayne said flatly. "Truth is, I used to be a decent sorta fella. Maybe not someone as you'd like to see with the likes o' Kaylee or River, but I wasn't a bad sort." He looked at the table, hands running up and down the wood.

"Things happen, though," he continued after a pause for reflection. "Things change a man. 'Spect you know something o' that your ownself." Mal nodded again, thinking about the changes the war had made in him, especially after Serinity.

"After a while," Jayne went on, "you lose sight o' things. You quit caring, 'bout anyone, or anything. You lose people you care for, you don't replace'em. 'Fraid you might lose them too. You stop looking for a place to call home, and settle for a place to be. Anyplace, sometimes." He looked up suddenly.

"Book says everything that happens, happens for a reason. I 'spect he's right. Everything that happened to me led me to you the day I shot Marco and joined your crew. But I couldn't see that. Not then. All I could see was a bunk all my own, and a better cut. That's the only things that mattered to me, then." He shrugged. "'Spect that's true of more'n me. Might have been true for you, once, before you got this ship, and took on responsibility for others aside from yourself."

"Back on Ariel, you know what I did. Never told you why, just let you assume it was the money. But that wasn't so."

"When I came aboard you told me flat out, Kaylee wasn't for the likes of me," he chuckled. "And you were right to. I ain't never forced a woman, and never will. Ever. Kill myself first, or let another do it for me. But your orders didn't keep me from lovin' her. Not like that," he added with a snort at Mal's frown, "but like. . .more like family. She reminded me of. . .a better time. A time I can't ever have again. A place I can't ever be again."

"When Simon and River came aboard, and Kaylee was shot, it was like. . .well, it was like reliving the past, I'll just say that. Then the Doc stands there arguing with you while she's bleeding to death. There's only twice in my life I wanted to kill a man so bad, Mal. Both long ago. Here she was, laying there dying because o' him, and him a _doctor_, blackmailing you for her life."

Mal studied the look in Jayne's eyes carefully, suddenly realizing many things. One of which was to stay quiet and let Jayne keep talking.

"When things were done, I expected you to throw him off the ship. But you didn't. Seemed like there was no kind of evenin' for what he did to her. And, because I decided that you wouldn't do what _I_ considered right, I turned him in. To punish him for what he did to _her_. Didn't care 'bout the money, then nor now. Just justice. A reckoning, if you will, for what he did." He paused again, and looked away.

"When I seen what had been done to River, I like to cried. That girl had been so mistreated, so. . ._wronged_, that I ain't got words for it. But by then I'd done it. That's why I didn't leave him there. Didn't have nothing to do with saving myself. Could o' done that easy without saving them. But wasn't no way I was leaving that girl to the people who did that to her. Whatever her brother deserved, and far as I'm concerned he still does, she didn't. She annoys the hell out o' me even now, and she's mostly sane," he laughed softly, "but no child deserves anything like what she went through."

"After that, I guess I started to consider Jayne some. Book helped me. Never saw a man so set not to judge another, and it got me to thinking. Who was I to be doin the judgin' of another man my ownself? Who was I to be making decisions like that? Doc was doing what he thought right by his family, what he could with what he had, and it wasn't much."

"Gotta respect that in a man, I do. I done near the same once, only it was too late." He stopped, and Mal watched as Jayne seemed to struggle with himself, as if deciding whether he had gone too far or not. Finally he continued.

"My behavior was always a sore spot before. I won't apologize for it, cause I did it to keep people from gettin' too close ta me. I was scared to make friends, cause I tended to lose them again. So I became. . .someone noone wanted to be friends with. Easier that way. Safer that way. I decided somewhere along the line that I couldn't go through it again, and not just turn into a stone killer." He stopped for a moment, looking at the table intently.

"But it didn't help none, anyway," he said, looking up again, and Mal was shocked to see Jayne's eyes wet with unshed tears. "Ole Book, he managed to worm his way under my skin, and be my friend whether I wanted him too or not. He seemed to know what a body needed, even when they didn't know themselves."

"And then, he died. And Wash died. I never really was friends with Wash, but I had a heap o' respect for that man. More'n once I wished I'da told him that. Can't now, course. More'n once I wished it had been me, stead of him that got speared. When I do, I usually hear Book's voice telling me things happen for a reason."

"If I had died, 'stead o' Wash, then maybe the rest would'a too. Wash was a great pilot, probably the best ever, anywhere. But he weren't much on fightin'. He might not could'a done as well as I did. It was touch and go until River kicked into her crazy killer girl gear." He leaned back again, looking up to the ceiling, almost smiling. Almost.

"That got me to thinking on things again. First time in a long time. If I lived, when I deserved to die, and Wash died when he deserved to live, then there had to be a reason. Book had to be right, there had to be a reason." He lowered his head again, and looked at Mal.

"All I can figure is that this is where I'm sposed ta be. Don't know why, but I am. And I'm sposed to look out for you. All of ya. And I aim to do just that. For as long as I'm able. And try to make me living and Wash and Book dying mean something more than just me still breathin'."

Jayne fell silent finally, and Mal considered the big man for a long time. He'd never heard Jayne talk so much in one sitting, and it was a lot to process. Mal had never given a thought to Jayne's past other than when it might cause him trouble. He'd never bothered to wonder what had made the big man like he was. He was ashamed as he realized he'd never cared.

"That's. . .a lot to process, Jayne," Mal finally offered into the silence between them. "Conjur it took a lot for you ta tell me that." Jayne just shrugged.

"I think, once we set down on Argo, we need to find us a bar, and get stone drunk," Mal continued. "It don't cure nothing, but it sometimes helps just to forget." Jayne grinned, and nodded.

"Sounds like a plan," the big man agreed. "Don't drink on board no more, but hittin' a bar sounds right nice."

"I notice you don't. . .er. . . visit the ladies anymore, either," Mal said. "Any reason for that?" Mal tried to keep his voice from sounding suspicious, but Jayne just shrugged, un-offended.

"Not as yet," he admitted. "But I don't seem to have the same fears I used to. Figure a man might one day come across just the right one, and make himself a home somewhere or another. Even on a ship, comes to that. I'm tired of being that man, Mal. Tired o' running."

Mal nodded, standing. "I'm right glad to hear that, Jayne. And I'm glad you felt like you could share that with me. Won't go no further, even to Zoe. Okay?"

"Fine," Jayne nodded, his attitude suggesting he wasn't concerned about it either way. He stood as well.

"Think I'll turn in, Captain," he said, picking up once again the formality that he had dropped during the discussion.

"Me too, once I get the old girl to sleep," Mal nodded. "Night, Jayne."


	4. Chapter 4

Shades of the Past – Chapter Three

Joss is the man, and owns it all! I'm just playing, working for the love of it, and not money. Thanks for the shiny toys, Joss!

The day after the 'dinner' incident, Simon was busy re-organizing his infirmary, still furious over last night's events. He was so engrossed in his fuming, he didn't notice River walk in behind him.

"You're a boob, Simon." The doctor screeched, jumping clear off the floor, and whirling on his sister.

"Don't _do _that!" he didn't quite scream.

"You're a boob," River repeated, eyeing him sternly. "It's time to stop, Simon. Stop being a boob, and start being Simon."

"Well, if Simon is a boob, then how can he stop?" Simon shot back. River smiled then, and Simon deflated. She was right.

"Of course I'm right," River said airily. "I'm a genius. Practically never wrong. It's time to think about what's _really_ bothering you, Simon, and stop taking your moods out on Jayne. Whether you want to see it or not, Jayne has changed, and for the better. That means you, too, must change. At least where he is concerned."

"Why are you so fascinated with him?" Simon tried to keep the whine from his voice. He really didn't want to fight with his sister. Her behavior the previous night had stung him. It had also, he admitted, forced him to examine his own behavior.

River had always been loyal to him, even to a fault. If she had seen him as wrong the previous evening, then he had to at least accept the fact that he might have _been_ wrong.

"I'm not fascinated by him, silly," River placed her hand on his arm, squeezing warmly. "But he _is_ my friend, Simon. He helped me. Helped me escape from the burden of guilt over so much death and destruction on my behalf. Willing or not, wanting or not, many, _many_, people died because of me. It was a great weight, Simon and it was crushing me. Suffocating me."

Simone frowned at that. Since Miranda, he'd rarely had to give River meds, other than the standard cocktail he had finally settled on that helped her function almost normally. There were times when she was 'less there', as she called it, but there had been no episodes since Miranda. Lately she had talked normally, acted normally, practically been the sister he had so missed.

"Jayne is my friend, Simon," River repeated. "Faced his greatest fear to help me. Held me when I cried in the night, and watched over me while I slept, to make sure I was safe, and wouldn't wake up alone." Simon went red at that.

"What did he do, River! Why was he. . ."

"_Stop it_!" River screamed. Not in terror, or pain, as she once would have, but in plain, old fashioned annoyance. "Stop it, Simon. Nothing wrongful has happened, or will. Jayne would sleep in a chair, while I slept on the sofa. So that if I woke in the night, I wouldn't be alone. That's all. Jayne has no interest in me, Simon, other than as a friend." Her voice held an almost wistful note at that, which Simon chose to ignore.

"I fail to see how an illiterate, half-ape man could help you when. . ." he began.

"When you couldn't?" River finished for him, smiling sadly. "Because he listened, Simon, when I talked. When I cried. Instead of running to get a syringe filled with enough sedative to make me sleep for a day, trapped in a nightmare. He didn't ignore me when I said I wasn't crazy, I was confused. He didn't ignore me when I said I didn't need medicine, I just needed _help_." Simon stopped short on that one, his eyes dropping to the floor.

He had always thought, no, he'd always _believed_, that the key to fixing his sister was a proper dose of medicines, along with sedatives to stop her episodes of insanity. He had never listened to her when she tried to talk to him about her treatment. _He_ was the doctor._ He _knew what was best.

Reflecting, he recalled very few times when he'd tried to make sense of what River said when she was. . ._confused_. She had told him once that she could hear in her mind clearly what she wanted to say, but the words always came out wrong. His face reddened as he recalled his response. A syringe with enough sedative to make her sleep at least twelve hours.

Tears flowed unbidden to his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He looked up at his sister, and his face was a study of contrition, sorrow, and self-loathing.

"I. . .I'm so sorry, River," he managed to stammer. "I thought. . ."

"You thought you could fix her," River's sad smile played across her face again. "It's okay, Simon. I can't be 'fixed', just helped. But you _did_ save me, Simon. You came for me when I was lost, and hurting, so alone, and so very afraid. _You_ did that Simon. And you loved me, even broken. And that's enough, Simon. It's more than enough. You gave up a very good life to save me, _ge ge_, and I love you so much for that and everything else you've done for me." She stepped forward and embraced him.

"Now, please, give me back the brother who saved me."

Jayne was lifting weights when Simon found him. The big man was working harder than ever, and his already formidable bulk had increased. Simon studied the mercenary carefully, as he struggled with more weight than was probably safe. Just when Simon was sure the weight would crush the man, Jayne grunted loudly and pressed the weight above him again, letting it come to rest in the rack above him. When Jayne sat up and grabbed his towel, he saw Simon.

"Evening, Doc," Jayne nodded amiably. Simon started, not expecting the man to speak to him at all, let alone in a friendly manner.

"Jayne," Simon nodded back, and walked across the bay to stand near the bench. He stood there for a full two minutes, trying to gather his thoughts about him. Finally, Jayne simply looked up at him.

"Something on yer mind, Doc?" he asked politely. The words broke the spell of silence, and Simon nodded.

"I owe you an apology, Jayne," Simon said without preamble. "I've been a complete ass to you of late, and you haven't deserved it."

"Sure I have, Simon," Jayne answered with a chuckle, surprising Simon. "I treated you pretty bad for a long time. And you mostly took it, seems to me. Gotta be a evening of the balance somewhere. Reckon this is it." Simon shook his head negatively.

"Your actions, right or wrong, are no excuse for my behavior, Jayne," Simon argued. Jayne shrugged.

"Had a lot on your plate, Doc," he said after a minute. "Sometimes it boils over. Nothing to be ashamed of. Ain't a man alive sometimes don't get saddled with more than he can carry. You been carrying a heavy weight for a long time. Ain't natural a man don't get tired after a while, and I reckon you got to be tired."

Simon gaped, at a complete loss for words. He'd never expected to hear anything of the sort from Jayne Cobb.

"Look, Doc," Jayne continued. "I don't like you. Never have, and like as not, I won't like you any in the future, though the future ain't set in stone, as Book liked to say. But that's my problem. Mine, and not yours. It ain't my place to judge you, for good or bad. So, I'm gonna accept you as you are, Simon. We're too different I reckon, to be real friends. But I 'spect we can be shipmates easy enough. If you're willing." Jayne rose, and offered his hand to Simon, a sign of respect. Simon took the pro-offered hand carefully, but Jayne simply grasped the hand briefly and released it.

"Jayne, I don't know what to say," Simon admitted.

"Say 'okay', Doc. Or not," Jayne shrugged. "I'm gonna treat you as a shipmate whether you treat me that way or not, Simon. Whatever you decided won't change that, so be honest with me, and with yourself."

"You know, I had this whole speech thought out," Simon sputtered. "About how I'd been an ass, how I was wrong. Now here I am, trying to do the right thing, as least as far as I can see the right thing at this point, and you just up and say don't worry over it! That's. . ."

"Not fair?" Jayne asked with a grin. "Mebbe not, Doc. But there ain't no call for any apology. Least not to me. I earned everything you said about me, and probably then some. Can't be sure of that, o' course. Don't rightly know what you been saying behind my back." His grin robbed the words of their sting. "But I'm done keeping score, Simon. Done trying to be one up on you, or anyone else. I just plain don't care for it no more."

"You being here has saved us all at least once, to my way o' thinking. More than once for most of us. Me included. You pull your weight, and that really oughta be all that matters. So far as I'm concerned, it is." Simon didn't know what stunned him more. That he and Jayne were actually having a civil conversation, or that the larger man had stated that Simon pulled his weight.

"Jayne, I. . .thank you," was all he could manage.

"No thanks needed, Doc," Jayne said, throwing his towel over his shoulder. "We have to look out for one another. Ain't got no one else to do it."

"That's true," Simon nodded. "And you have been looking out for us, Jayne. You went along with us to Miranda, and then to Mister Universe's, and never said a word. I never even said thanks for that."

"Like I said, no thanks are needed. We're shipmates. We're all in this together. Was my fight as much as yours. Now, all this bonding is really nice, but I'm bushed. I'm gonna hit the shower, then the rack. Night, Simon." Jayne started toward the stairs.

"Night, Jayne." Simon watched the man go, and decided that, yes, his _mei-mei_ was a genius. She had seen there was perhaps more to Jayne than the big man allowed to show.

Or he had simply changed. Either way, Simon felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Now, if only facing Mal would be as simple.


	5. Chapter 5

Shades of the Past Chapter Four – The Letter

All previous disclaimers in this story still apply. As does the wish that Firefly will return.

It was never so easy with Mal, Simon decided, seeing the scowl on the Captain's face as he approached the infirmary. Man was too stubborn, too inclined to. . ._be like me_, Simon decided, with a shake of his head and a wry grin.

"Wanted to see me?" Mal said gruffly, standing in the infirmary door.

"Yes, Mal, I did," Simon nodded, pointing to a chair. "Please, sit."

"Don't feel much like socializing, Simon," Mal refused with a shake of his head. "You need somethin'?" With a sigh, Simon stood. No, never easy with Mal.

"I wanted to apologize for my recent behavior, Captain," Simon started.

"Seems to me it's Jayne you oughta be talking to, and not me," Mal pointed out.

"I've already spoken to Jayne," Simon informed him, secretly reveling in the look of shock that admission brought to the Captain's face. _Take that! _he thought wryly.

"I'm su'prised to see ya still in one piece, that bein' the case," Mal replied.

"So was I, at first," Simon sighed, taking his seat again. "But, somewhere, between here and. . .somewhere else," Simon waved broadly at his generalization, "Jayne seems to have. . .evolved I guess I would have said, before last night." He smiled to show there was no intent in his words. Mal said nothing, his face betraying nothing after the brief shock that Simon had talked to Jayne.

"Look, Captain, I have no excuse for my behavior," Simon said simply. "I suppose I could blame it on pressure, or feelings of failure, or any number of things. I would _love_ to blame it on the fact that my sister has become friends with a man that I once wouldn't have spared a second glance outside a hospital. Or the way things came apart between Kaylee and I. The list is endless, I guess." He sighed deeply, then continued.

"But none of that is grounds for my behavior at dinner last evening. I was not just out of line, but flat wrong. I was so intent on hating Jayne that I never even considered that he might. . .well, be capable of being _not_ Jayne." Simon broke off, frustrated by his inability to say what he wanted. Mal took pity on him.

"S'alright, Doc," he said with a chuckle. "'Spect you ain't alone in that. Knowed Jayne a sight longer than you have, and it shocked me too. He's always been that way, up till mebbe a few days afore we hit Miranda. I figured when he didn't stay at Haven rather than go through Reaver space, he'd had some kinda. . .change, I guess."

"Likely it was Book dyin' that triggered it. Jayne and Book was close. Lots closer than any of us realized I'm thinking nowadays. Jayne ain't never been one to cultivate friends, not since I been knowing 'im. But him and Book. . ." Mal shrugged, unable to explain it further.

"Yes," Simon nodded. "I always wrote Book's treatment of Jayne off as the Shepard in him, refusing to allow himself to give up. But it was more than that, I think, now that I've had time to reflect on it. All of us lost, some more than others. But I think Book's death was much harder on Jayne than he ever allowed any of us to see."

"Was a letter," Mal said suddenly. "Found it in Book's effects, addressed to Jayne. Wasn't to be opened until his death. Don't think Book knew what would happen, he was just a careful man, s'all. That letter seemed to shake Jayne up some. He ain't never shared what it said. Don't 'spect he ever will. But I'm thinking it's the cause of the transformation we been seein' in Jayne."

"Well, whatever did it, I saw last night that the change is real," Simon said quietly. "Jayne told me that I didn't owe him an apology, that he had 'earned' anything I'd ever said to or about him. Called it an 'evening of the balance'."

"He's used that phrase afor," Mal nodded, thinking back to his own discussion with the mercenary. "Jayne's big on things being set to right. Something you got cause to be thankful for, Simon," Mal added as an afterthought.

"Yes, that's so," Simon nodded. He stood again, looking Mal in the eye.

"Again, Captain, I am sorry. I hope that I can make it up. . ." Simon broke off as Mal raised a hand.

"You had a lot goin' on of late, Simon," he said gruffly. "Man can't bear a load like yours 'thout some of it boiling over on occasion. Let it lie, and don't let it happen again, and we're shiny."

"Jayne said much the same to me, last night," Simon smiled. "Amazing how smart he can be, when I actually listen."

"Jayne's got a heap o' sense, when he chooses to employ it," Mal laughed. "Maybe he'll keep on doin' it."

Jayne was in his bunk, sitting on his bed while Mal and Simon were talking. He was holding a piece of paper in his hands, still folded. The big man looked at it for a very long time, noting the creases, and more than a few small stains of sweat, or gun oil, or whatever had been on his hands at times past when he felt the need to read the letter over again.

He should have known it by heart now, he reasoned. And maybe he did. But when he read the piece again, it always helped him to remember Book's voice. Reading the letter was almost like Book talking to him. Something he missed.

He carefully opened the pages, and sat back, studying the last words that Shepard Book had had for him.

_Sean,_

_Don't look so surprised. I know who you really are, always have, since my first day on board. Don't worry, I've told no one, and I won't._

_You'll be wondering how I know, I expect. The answer is simple. I was _

_sent to kill you once. You know who I am, who I was, so it shouldn't come as a surprise. Though I do wish I could have seen your face when you found that out._

_I actually looked for you for a very long time, Sean. Had you in _

_my sights once, on Belaise. It was near the old monument, if you remember it. _

_There was an old beggar there, and you stopped to give him your own meal. _

_Sausage and eggs, as I recall. It was a good meal, in case you ever wondered._

_That meal saved your life, Sean, that day. And my soul. I was, at that time, as hard hearted as you were. I thought of nothing except my next target, which at the time, was you. You were the worst, you know. As cold and efficient_

_a killing machine as I had ever seen. _

_And yet, here you were, giving up your own meal to help someone you didn't even know. Made me think, Sean, for the first time in a great many years. _

_If you, the most hunted assassin on the Alliance's hit list, could do something like that, then there had to be some good left in you_._ And if there was good left in you, then maybe there was in me as well. I decided to see if I could find my own offering._

_I actually blamed you for my retirement. Claimed that you were too elusive for me, that I couldn't seem to figure out how to get you. That I must be too old_

_to be of use anymore. There was commiseration all around for me, people telling _

_me that I was as good as ever, it was just a tough target. You know how people _

_are. _

_But it was all a lie, anyway. I took my retirement, and drifted for a while, found myself at odds and ends. Then one day, I was standing in front of the Abbey. Can't remember to this day how I came to be there. Wrote it off to senility at the time. But I went inside, Sean, and it was a long time until I came out again. On my way to make amends, I told myself._

_I doubt you can imagine my surprise when I walked onto Serenity, and _

_there you were. I almost told you then, but I could see that the Captain and Zoe _

_had no idea you had served, and you were adamant that you hadn't. Why I didn't __tell you later, I don't know. It just never seemed like a good time._

_I knew you were struggling, Sean, just as I had. And I knew that you _

_would have to find your way, the same as I did. I tried to help, subtly, but in the __end, I realized that you had to do it on your own. You aren't the kind to accept help, however well meaning. I know that because I'm the same way. We're not quite peas in a pod, Sean, but we are more alike than not._

_If you're reading this, then I'm gone. There's no telling how, 'verse is a strange place, and all manner of things can happen. I wrote this for that time, to tell you these things I never told you when I was here. I guess I should have, but_

_time has a way of getting away from us._

_I know what haunts you, and I'm sorry. It's not much consolation, but it's _

_all I have to offer you. What happened to you was wrong, something that never _

_should have been. But in a way, finding out was a blessing for me, because it helped me to see what could turn a fourteen year old boy into the most fearsome_

_hunter in the 'verse. To see what drove you to the edge of reason. I wish. . ._

_Well, wishes aren't horses, or we'd be eating steak, as you like to say. You_

_know, I'm sure, that there are those who will never stop looking for you. Wearing your hair short was very smart, as few would expect you to cut it. But take heed; there will always be men who watch for you. You know that, but I feel it bears repeating._

_The touch with the mail is a good one as well. It will help throw off all _

_but the most determined searchers. But never doubt that some will be determined. _

_You are older now, though not as old as you pretend. You are much larger, as _

_well. And you hide the gracefulness of your movements. All these are good ideas, _

_and you have done well. Never lower your guard._

_I know you hesitate to make friends, and why. But I'd like to think I was _

_your friend. Know that you were mine._ _I owe you a debt I can never repay._

_Inside you will find a key, and a number. Some of it is ill-gotten, I guess, but it's_

_yours to do with as you please. Consider it just compensation for the hell you_

_were put through by the Alliance. Most of it is theirs, anyway. Poetic Justice, so _

_far as I'm concerned. No amount of money can return to you that which was taken, so use it to build the life that was denied you._

_Take care of the crew, Sean. I fear there are rough times ahead for them, _

_and they are not so strong as they like to believe. They have not lived as you _

_and I did, not even Mal and Zoe. I know your dislike for Simon, but try and see _

_past the man you hate, and the reason you hate him. She wouldn't like it, and_

_you know that. Try and see him as the man who sacrificed everything for his the _

_love of a sibling. The very thing you were denied. _

_Take care of yourself, my son. I know you think that's what you're best at, but allow an old man some leniency in his last words. You aren't so strong as you believe, either. Don't always walk the 'verse alone, Sean. Take it from an old man who mostly did. It gets old, and fills you with regrets that weigh you down._

_Remember what I have said. Look for your own meal, and when you eat it, I pray it does for you, what yours did, for me. We'll see each other again, I'm sure. I know my way isn't your own, but I have to believe that there really is that better world. Not here, perhaps, but somewhere. If there is any justice, you and I will one day share a meal where the truth lies between us, and two friends can eat and talk and enjoy each other's company in peace._

_May the Lord walk with you, my boy, as He has with me,_

_Book_

Jayne carefully folded the letter once again, returning it first to the envelope it had rested in, and then to a small lockbox, which he placed into the duffel under his bed.

He lay back then, dimming the light, reflecting, as always, on the life he had led, and the choices he had made. Finally, as he fell sleepy, he let the tears that no one would ever see fall from his eyes, and cursed the 'verse that had taken yet another father from him.


	6. Chapter 6

Shades of the Past – Chapter Five

I know it's old, but the disclaimer is still the same. I don't own'em, just like to move'em around a little.

Dinner that night, while not up to the standards of the old pre-Miranda days, was still much better than the night before. While only the three men, and River of course who knew nearly everything, knew exactly what had happened, it was evident to the other women that _something_ had.

The air of friendly acceptance was not feigned. There was a genuine warmth at the table, and everyone was enjoying heckling Jayne about his cooking.

"I swear, Jayne," Mal complained, "last time I smelled something like this, I think it had been dead for days, and lying in the hot sun."

"I ran across something like this once, on Diomede," Inara piped up. "It was at small Yaquay restaurant. I was a little timid at first, but after tasting it, I decided the smell was worth it." Inara smiled at Jayne, and he grinned back.

"Well, I doubt that mine will be that good, except maybe for the bread." With that he placed a basket on the table heaping with golden brown heaps of bread.

"What is that, Jayne?" Kaylee asked, taking one, and nibbling on it.

"It's called fry bread, lil Kaylee," Jayne answered over his shoulder. "Make the dough up, let it rise, then deep fry it in oil." He returned to the table with a large bowl of what Mal thought of as stir fry.

"This," Jayne said, "is the source of the smell, or at least the by product. Meat had to be cooked a certain way, sorry 'bout that," he offered in way of explanation.

"And 'this' would be?" River asked, eyeing the bowl with trepidation.

"Well, it's the fixings for Indian Tacos," Jayne informed her lightly, adding other bowls full of lettuce, tomatoes, and grated cheese. "You fix everything atop the bread, and eat it like you would a normal taco, or with a fork, whichever you prefer."

"Jayne, where did you get this stuff?" Zoe asked suddenly. "I went on the supply run with Kaylee, and we didn't get anything like this."

"Persephone," Jayne shrugged. "I went out and picked it up while everyone was doing this and that."

"That's where you went?" Kaylee asked suddenly, eyes shining. "I thought. . ." She broke off, aware that her face was turning red. Jayne laughed.

"S'okay, Kaylee. What else would you think, considering it was me?" His smile took any sting from the words, and Kaylee punched him lightly on the arm.

"Jayne," she scolded.

"You bought all this?" Mal asked, eyes wide. When Jayne nodded, Mal looked at the feast again. "Set you back a lot of coin, I conjure."

"Not so much," Jayne shrugged. "Gotta know how to haggle," he added with a grin. Everyone laughed at that, having heard Kaylee go on about Jayne's ability to get what she called the 'big, intimidatin' man' discount when she was looking for parts for the ship.

"Jayne, this is really good," Simon said, having tried the meal while everyone else was talking. "I mean _really_ good. Is this beef?" Everyone tensed as Simon spoke, but Jayne simply nodded.

"Yeah. Old times they made it with buf'lo I guess, but beef is a might easier to come by." Simon chuckled at that.

"I expect it would be," he nodded. "You'll make someone a fine wife one day, Jayne, with cooking like this." Again the rest of the table tensed, then jumped when Jayne bellowed out a laugh.

"That's a good one, Doc," Jayne said between laughs. "I can just see that." Everyone else joined in the laughter, surprised, but pleasantly so. Kaylee gave Simon a very regarding look, then returned to her meal.

"Jayne, this is as good as the restaurant I was talking about," Inara said from down the table. "You have outdone yourself." Jayne flushed slightly as other praise came from his crew mates. He hadn't been sure he could do it, after all these years. He was glad they liked it.

"Ever'body eat up!" he encouraged. "Got another little surprise after this 'un."

Everyone dug into the delicious meal, talking and bantering with each other. Mal listened with a contented sigh. For once, everyone was in a good mood, and getting along. It was a wonderful thing, he noted, and sure not to last. He meant to simply enjoy it while it lasted.

As the meal finished, Jayne stood at went back to the kitchen.

"Hope ya'll saved a little bit o' room fer desert," he announced, returning with a plate piled high with sweet cakes, and a bowl of what could only be. . .

"_Strawberries_!" Kaylee squealed in delight, looking at the makings for strawberry shortcake.

"Yep," Jayne smiled smugly. "And 'for you cry, there's another basket. I put'em in yer locker. All yours, by the way," he added with a grin. Kaylee squealed again, and shot to her feet, giving Jayne a wet, happy kiss on the cheek. Mal would have sworn Jayne _blushed_. He didn't say it out loud, of course. No sense ruining this fine meal by getting his head knocked off.

River watched the by play from her spot at the table with a sigh. Simon didn't scowl when Kaylee kissed Jayne, but his eyes had a little pained look that no one else saw but her. She and Kaylee had spoken about Simon a good bit since they had started bunking together.

Kaylee had made it clear to River that she and Simon, as a couple, just wasn't meant to be. She had been sad about it, River saw. Kaylee had been moon eyed over Simon for so long that she had a hard time, even now, realizing that she and the doctor just weren't cut out for one another.

Simon, too late, had realized that Kaylee wasn't always going to be there. While his half hearted attempts had been well meant, the damage was too far gone. One too many comments about rim worlder's, poor education and so on, had taken their toll. Simon had never meant those things to hurt Kaylee, but the mechanic was just as much rim bred as Jayne had been. The remarks cut her just as deep, for all that they were aimed somewhere else.

Poor Simon. Neglected the orchid to get the weed. Now the weed was about to take the orchid away. River sighed at that too, this one for herself.

She had become very close to Jayne over the last few months. The two of them trained together, worked together. A few times she had actually gone to his bunk after a nightmare. Then one night, after Jayne had done some work in her room, the nightmares stopped. She hadn't had one since.

As they had grown closer, River had become confused about her feelings for Jayne. She regarded him as a friend, almost from the first night when she had cried herself to sleep on his shoulder. Someone she could come to who would listen, and not dismiss. Not judge. Not even tell her he understood how she felt, when no one possibly could. It had been refreshing. And comforting. Something that had been in short supply in her life for a very long time.

Jayne had occasionally come back to the ship with a gift for her since then. One was the pistol she wore when working. Small but powerful, Jayne had searched long and hard to find the right balance between size and firepower. He had said nothing to her, other than 'tools gotta be up to the job'. She had never been so proud of any gift.

But in all that time, there was never even a hint of romantic intent. None. When she'd tried to read him, she hit a solid wall. The only thoughts she could get were those of hazy friendship. Unfortunately, she was afraid she might be feeling more attached to Jayne than he was to her.

It was silly, she told herself. Jayne was nearly twice her age, after all, and a hard bitten mercenary. But, had she remained on Osiris, she might easily have been married off to a man even older than Jayne. Not for love, but in a simple business arrangement.

Now? Now she was free to pick whom she pleased, and it was a liberating feeling. But there were problems, of course. She wasn't completely sane, and never would be. And then there was the teeny problem of her being a living weapon, one capable of great violence without warning. It would take a strong man to handle that.

River knew, without doubt, that Jayne was such a man. She warned herself not to base her feelings on that along. After all, gratitude might easily be confused with love. And she _was_ grateful to Jayne. He had helped her through the dark times after Miranda, something she could never have done without him.

But now, as she felt the twinge of pain when Kaylee kissed his rugged jaw, and saw the blush on his handsome features, she realized it was more than gratitude. She was reluctant to call it love, even now. Yet, she knew that her heart often pounded in her ears when he was around. Her breath became shallow sometimes, as well.

Suddenly overwhelmed by her thoughts, she stood abruptly.

"Jayne, this was wonderful," she said with a smile. "I think I'm going to go lie down a while, and read. Thank you, again, Jayne, for supper." He smiled and nodded his answer, mouth full of strawberry shortcake. River left the room slowly, careful not to give herself away.

She would talk to Inara, she resolved as she opened the hatch to the bunk she now shared with Kaylee. Inara would know what she was feeling. Know how to help her.

_I know, I know, the headings get messed up when I load the story. I'm trying, really I am, but remember I'm still learning, so be kind hearted:)_


	7. Discussions

Shades of the Past – Chapter 6 Discussions

Joss is the man. Owns it all. I'm jealous. No really, I am.

Serenity woke as she normally did, with power levels coming back up, people stirring, and work being done. Breakfast was quiet, with light bantering left from the previous evening providing the entertainment. Mal listened to it with a half smile, wondering how long it would last.

As the meal broke up, the crew headed to their various jobs. Kaylee went to the engine room, Simon to the infirmary, and River to the bridge. Mal and Zoe walked away discussing business, leaving Jayne and Inara to clear the mess, and wash up the dishes.

Which gave Inara the chance to talk to Jayne alone, something she'd been wanting to do for days now.

"Jayne, last night's supper was just wonderful," she observed, starting the conversation on a light note.

"Thanks, 'Nara," Jayne smiled. "Hadn't really done that in a long time. S'prised I could still make all that stuff and it be edible." Which gave Inara as good an opening as she could have asked for.

"Where _did_ you learn it, Jayne?" she asked casually, washing a plate in the sink.

"My mom," Jayne replied absently, clearing the cook vessels from breakfast. "She was a great cook."

"Was?" Inara asked, a frown on her face. Jayne looked up sharply, as if realizing he had let something slip.

"Well, last time I was home she was," he replied lamely. "I'm sure she still is."

"Hmm," Inara nodded, as if she weren't really listening, but Jayne wasn't fooled.

"Must have been wonderful, with cooking like that," Inara added wistfully.

"Yeah," Jayne gave the pan in his hands his undivided attention now. "Big family, you know. Had to start cooking early," he added with a laugh. "Make sure there was enough for all of us."

"How big a family do you have, Jayne," she asked, curious.

"Three brothers and four sisters," he said, now _really _intent on the scrubbing of the pan he held. This was getting onto dangerous ground.

"My, that is a rather large group to have to cook for every day," Inara said, with another smile. "Your mother must be some kind of woman."

"She was," Jayne nodded. "Is, I mean," he added. Inara could sense Jayne's growing unease in talking about his family, and decided to get to the point.

"Jayne, I don't know if you've noticed or not, but you seem to have an admirer on board." Her voice was quiet, ensuring that the conversation stayed private.

"Huh?" Jayne's head shot up at, the change in subject throwing him off balance.

"River," Inara smiled. "I think River has a crush on you Jayne." Jayne looked at her like she had taken leave of her senses, proving to Inara that she had been right. He didn't have a clue. _Men_.

"Whasat?" Jayne's eyes grew wide. "What are you talking about? River and me are friends, Inara, nothing more than that. Even if I was so inclined, which I _ain't_, she's just a kid. One that's had a hard road to travel at that."

"She's nineteen years old Jayne," Inara pointed out. "Simon apparently can't do math as well as he can medicine. Somehow he lost almost a year and a half of River's age somewhere. She's a grown woman."

"She ain't," Jayne shook his head stubbornly. "I mean she's grown up, I'll grant you. In some ways, she's older than all of us, what with all she's been through. But she ain't had the raisin' to know a crush from. . ." He trailed off, unable to put what he meant into words.

"From love?" Inara finished for him, prodding just a bit. She knew she shouldn't be meddling, but couldn't help herself. "I think maybe you under-estimate her, Jayne, and that's not a smart move. She _is_ a genius."

"Inara, River and me, we're friends. We work together. Sometimes, when one of us has a problem, we talk about it with the other. That's all. Nothing there for you to fret over. I swore I'd never. . ."

"Jayne," Inara interrupted, "I'm not trying to threaten you, or warn you to behave. A year ago I would have, I admit. But not now. I just wanted you to be aware. I know what I'm talking about, Jayne. All the signs are there. Likely it is just a crush, puppy love so to speak, and she'll grow out of it."

"But she's a grown woman, and you are an attractive man. And available. She doesn't get out much, the life we lead, and her options are limited. It's only natural, and there's nothing. . ."

"So you're saying that she's got a crush on me cause I'm all the choices she's got, that it?" Jayne was scowling a little, his voice carrying a hint of challenge. "Make up your mind, Inara. One minute I'm an attractive man, and she's a grown woman and it's all shiny and natural. Next minute, she's desperate, and I'm all there is."

Inara didn't quite recoil from that, but she held her tongue for a moment. Had she hurt his feelings? One could never be sure with Jayne. Six months ago she wouldn't have given him credit for _having_ any feelings. She decided to try again.

"That's not what I'm saying at all, Jayne," she assured him. "I just thought you were uncomfortable with it, and was trying to explain how it could come to be. I'm sure she finds you attractive. Most women do, you know," she added, smiling.

"Gorramit, Inara, she can't. . .I mean she shouldn't. . ." Jayne sat down heavily in a nearby chair, placing his head into his hands. He rubbed vigorously, like someone trying to wake up.

"Jayne I only said something to you so you would be fore warned," Inara said gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. "At her age, River is very impressionable. She's also very forward. She may well approach you about this, and I wanted you to be prepared." Jayne regarded her for a moment, then nodded.

"Thanks, Inara," he smiled weakly. "I appreciate it. I'm like to say or do something to hurt her, and I wouldn't want that." He grinned then. "Course, it might be worth it to see Simon turn all red, and. . ."

"Jayne!" Inara scolded playfully. "That's awful!"

"Aw, I wouldn't do it anyway, Inara, you know that." He looked up suddenly. "You _do_ know that. Right?"

"Yes, Jayne, I do," she assured him with a little chuckle. "I've never seen anyone work so hard to effect a change in their life as you have. I know it hasn't been easy for you."

"Ain't so much," Jayne shrugged, then looked up at her again. "But that 'minds me. I been wanting to get a word with you 'bout something." Inara nodded, and sat down at the table to join him.

"I ain't got much education, you know," he started, looking at the floor. "I had to leave home a little earlier than most, and schoolin's hard to come by in the black, kinda life I lead." He leaned forward, placing his hands across his knees.

"But it ain't just that," he continued. "I don't know how to act, to _behave_, in proper company. Ain't got a ruttin' clue what to do, or say, how to act. Never had much chance to learn. I was wondering, you being, having been, a Companion and all, you think you could teach me stuff? Like how not to make an ass o' myself in public, fer instance? I know I piss Mal off something awful, sometimes. And I don't always mean to, neither."

Inara regarded Jayne carefully for a moment, marveling at his asking her for help. The old Jayne, he would never have admitted to any inadequacies, let alone asked her, of all people, for help in correcting them.

"I think I can do that," she answered after a moment. "Some of it, anyway. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I been practicing my writin' and what not," he admitted sheepishly. "Could stand someone to look once in a while, and make sure I'm doing better, and not just foolin' myself. And I want to learn how to be out somewhere, and not tell off on myself as an ignorant _hundan_ ever time I open my mouth. Things like that, and maybe some advice on how. . .I mean on what kind of clothes I oughta be wearing, what fork to use, and all that kinda stuff."

Inara couldn't help but smile at that. Jayne Cobb, wanting to have manners? Would the 'verse ever cease to amaze her?

"Sir, what do you know about the people we're delivering to?" Mal and Zoe were in the cargo bay doing 'captainy things', which in this case meant throwing horse shoes while everyone else went about their duties.

"Not much," Mal admitted with a shrug. "But it's a legal bit o' business, and it's good pay, so I'm not inclined to worry. Should be smooth sailin'." Zoe resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Mal saying things should go 'smooth' was an open invitation for disaster.

"I'm sure you're right, sir," Zoe said. She fell silent as her turn to toss came. When she finished, she looked at him. "But I'd feel a bit better if we knew what was what, and who was who. We don't know much about this corner of the 'verse. Don't know the game, or the players. Sir." Mal sighed, sitting down on a nearby crate.

"'Spect it can't hurt to see what we can find out. How 'bout we wave Monty, maybe a few others, see if'n they ever worked out that way? Or know anyone who has? I gotta tell ya, Zo', I'm tired of being on guard all the time. I took this job for more than just a good payday. I'm hoping, well, considering anyway, that we might stay there a while if things look profitable."

Zoe nodded her understanding. She was tired too. Tired of waiting for the Alliance to strike back, tired of waiting for the Blue Hands to make another grab for River, tired of sleeping alone. . . She shook her head at that. This was about business.

"I'll see what I can find out, sir. We're two weeks or so out, anyway. Time enough to see what we can see." They both nodded at each other. Mal got up and went to retrieve the shoes. Back to 'captainy things'.

"Whatcha' doin', bunkie," Kaylee chirped as she stepped onto the bridge where River sat at the controls.

"Watching the stars go by," River smiled at her friend and roommate. "This far out, the auto-pilot does most of the work. I just monitor the systems. How's is going?"

"Shiny," Kaylee smiled, reclining in the other seat. "Got my girl all tuned up, and she's running fine. Thought we could gossip a while," she added with a grin. River giggled slightly, despite the lingering thoughts from the night before.

"Well, I think we're all caught up on current events," she offered.

"Well, we can speculate on the future then," Kaylee grinned. "Speaking o' which, I can't help but notice you seem to have an eye on Jayne a lot more than some folks would think needful," she winked, and was rewarded with a bright red flush on the younger woman's face.

"I do not!" River retorted automatically.

"You do to!" Kaylee laughed happily. "Ain't nothing wrong with it, River. Jayne's a right _swai_ man, not doubt about that." River felt her blush deepen, if that were possible. He _was_ a good looking man.

"Regardless of his aesthetically pleasing appearance, I do not have my eye on Jayne. I would not do so, knowing how you feel about him." River bit her lip to stop the cackle of laughter that boiled up from within at the look on Kaylee's face. It was now the mechanic's turn to blush.

"Aw, River, I ain't making eyes at Jayne," she objected. "Be like. . .like making eyes at my brother. Sides, he don't think o' me that way," she added, her gaze drifting to the view of stars visible outside the window.

"So sure of that, are you?" River asked, eyebrow raised. Kaylee looked back to River.

"Has he said anything to you? About me, I mean? I know you two are awful close and all. . ." River shook her head.

"Jayne and I do not discuss such matters," River assured her, spirits falling a bit. She had raised the subject in hopes to draw Kaylee's feelings out. If Kaylee had no interest, then. . .well, she had no interest, River thought firmly, stomping any other feelings on the matter flat.

"Well, see then," Kaylee leaned back again, smiling. "He ain't got eyes for me. 'Sides, you're the one most like him, anyway. Able to tear people limb from limb and whatnot. No matter what you think, I _know_ Jayne has a thing for strong women who can fight. And you definitely qualify."

River tried not to think about the nights she had spent crying in Jayne's arms. How strong could he think she was, after that? That thought brought all manner of feelings to life, mostly butterflies in the stomach, and a slight. . .tremble, of sorts. He would think she was weak.

The thought scared her. What if he _did_ see her as weak? Or worse, as a child? She didn't know which would hurt the most. Even more infuriating, she didn't understand why _either_ should hurt at all. She should not be bothered in the least by whatever Jayne felt about her.

She knew he had never told anyone about that night months ago, the first of many when she could not sleep for the weight of the world pressing down on her. He never would. She knew likewise that he considered her his equal in every way, save practical experience, which he was sharing with her. More, he _treated_ her as an equal.

Always there to offer a needed hand, he made her ask, first. He didn't try and stop her from doing things on her own. He would set her on her own feet, and watch her for signs of trouble, but he would not do things _for_ her, would not tell her she couldn't, or shouldn't, be doing those things.

Jayne was doing a very good job of teaching her how to take care of herself, and how to make it on her own. It was refreshing for her. River had always been independent. Determined to make her own way. Simon often either could not or would not see that. But Jayne did.

She wondered again how Jayne looked at her. What he saw, when he looked her way.

"You're awful deep in thought for somebody ain't thinking on things like, oh, Jayne," Kaylee prodded playfully, delighted at the renewed blush on River's face. "Still want to try and tell me it ain't nothing?" River was silent for a moment, then looked over at Kaylee.

"I do not know," she admitted quietly. "Feelings are troublesome for me, at best. _New_ feelings are worse. And this. . ." she waved her arms wide about her, "is new. I was wondering," she decided to take a chance, "how he thinks of me. What he sees when he looks at me." Kaylee absorbed this for a moment.

"Oh, River," Kaylee said softly, her voice apologetic. "Honey, I'm sorry for teasin' ya. I didn't realize it was that bad."

"I don't know if it _is_ that bad," River growled in frustration. "I can't explain it to myself, let alone to another. And I find myself wondering which is worse; not knowing what he sees, how he feels, or finding out and being. . .let down, somehow."

"Well," Kaylee said, coming to her feet, cheerfulness on full power, "you jsut leave that to me." She started off the bridge.

"Kaylee!" River squealed. "What are you doing?"

"Nothin'," Kaylee replied innocently. "Just gettin' back to work. Gotta find Jayne, got some heavy stuff needs movin'." With that the mechanic was gone, leaving her roommate staring after her.


	8. Discussions Part II

Shades of the Past – Chapter Seven – Discussions II

_Joss, either find a way to give us back Firefly or make another movie. Meantime, he still owns it all, and I don't. Dang it._

Kaylee found Jayne sitting at the kitchen table. Which was odd, she thought in passing. Jayne usually had something going on somewhere, rarely sitting still for long. Like all spacers, he knew that activity helped pass the time.

"What's up, Jayne?" she asked, bounding into the galley. Jayne, still reeling from his discussion with Inara, looked up absently.

"Heya, lil Kaylee," he smiled. "Just sittin'. What'cha doin'?"

"Gotta little work I need help with down in the engine room, if you don't mind," she asked with a smile. "Too heavy for me."

"Okay," Jayne said, standing. "Strong back, weak mind, that's me," he smiled.

"Jayne, don't be like that," Kaylee frowned. "Ain't nothin' wrong with your mind," she huffed.

"Jokin' gal," he grinned at her. "Just jokin'. What'cha got?"

"Just some stuff I need to try and get squared away, s'all," Kaylee answered. "I tried already, but it's a bit much for lil ole me," she added, batting her eyes at him. Jayne shook his head, another grin coming to his features.

"Ain't gotta trot them wiles out for me, Kaylee," he laughed lightly. "You know I'd do 'bout anything for you." Kaylee's heart fluttered a little at that, but she tromped on the feeling before it could get started. Jayne really _was_ a good looking man.

"Well, I don't like to take advantage," she said to cover herself. She led the way down to the engine room. About halfway there, she realized she was making more of an effort than usual to swish her hips, and stopped. _Dammit_! she thought to herself, she was supposed to be helping River!

Inside the engine room, she pointed to a large crate full of small and medium sized parts, along with a few odds and ends.

"I shoulda put all that in there after I moved the crate," she admitted sheepishly. "But I was sortin' though stuff and this was easier. Only now, I can't get the crate back where it goes." Jayne knelt and lifted the box with no more effort than if he were standing up from the table.

"Where's it go, Kaylee?" he asked, then followed her hand to the shelf near her parts locker. He laid the heavy crate on the shelf, and then turned to face her.

"Anything else?" he asked.

"No that's it," she smiled. "But you ain't gotta run off. Seems like ages since you been down here vis'tin'." Jayne looked at the floor, studying his boots carefully.

"I. . .I felt bad about what happened with you and Simon, Kaylee. Sorta felt like it was my fault, on account he said all that to get me riled."

"Aw, Jayne," Kaylee said sadly. She sat down, and motioned for him to do likewise. "It wasn't that what did it. I admit it didn't help matters, but it was only the last straw is all." She sighed, and studied her own shoes for a moment.

"Truth is, me and Simon, we just don't. . .fit. Ya know? We's just too different, s'all. He ain't gonna change, and I can't be more'n I am, no matter how much I like him. Thing is, Jayne, and don't take this wrong, when you did something like that, it wasn't as bad. I 'spect stuff like that, ya know, from you. It's how you are, part of who you are. But with Simon?" She shook her head in resignation.

"With him, it came out of left field. Was he just striking back at you, that I could understand. But the things he said, were more than just about you. It was a general sneer at all of us from out here in the black. Anyone rim-born. And that 'cludes me, Jayne."

"I know, but he don't think like that, Kaylee," Jayne replied. "He don't see things in general terms. He thinks on individual people. Part o' being a doctor, I reckon. He's used to dealing with folks one at a time. He don't reckon that anyone else will see an insult to someone akin to'em apply to them as well." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I know he cares a lotta 'bout you, Kaylee," he went on. "I don't know if that's enough, ain't got no experience at that kinda thing. Wouldn't know love was it to smack me in the head," he laughed. Kaylee's head shot up, and he caught a twinkle in her eyes.

"All I'm saying," Jayne continued, "is that maybe you owe it to yourself to think on that. Not him. Ain't saying you owe Simon a thing. But you was happy when the two o' you was. . .when. . .anyways. All I'm saying is, don't give up something important to you over nothin' said 'bout me. And that's all he was talkin' bout, Kaylee, was me. And I had it coming, too. Understand what I'm saying here?"

"Yes," she nodded somberly. In truth she had been thinking about that. "It was just. . .it seemed like he was talking about me, too."

"Ya know I love ya fer takin' up for me, Kaylee," Jayne chuckled. "You're like a sister too me. Make me think o' home, with all that cheeriness and such. All I'm saying is, don't let loyalty to me, ruin a good thing for you, _dong ma_? You know he weren't talking 'bout you. Wouldn't never say such things to you, or 'bout you, I'm thinking. And if'n he ever does, you tell me, and I'll fix him for ya," he winked.

"That's sweet of ya, Jayne," Kaylee smiled. "You know, I was thinking about how much you've changed lately just this morning. And about how much you've helped River too. She's really come a long way, ain't she?"

"She has that," Jayne nodded, his mind thrown back into the conversation he and Inara had had earlier. "She's doin' good, far as I can tell."

"She is," Kaylee nodded in affirmation. "She ain't having nightmares no more, and she don't babble about stuff like she used too. Now days she's like any other woman. Well, 'cept when she's being a bonafide reader or fightin' like somebody off a cortex movie, anyway," she giggled, and Jayne laughed.

"She's got strength, that one," Jayne nodded. "Smart's too. Tell her something once, she can recall it anytime she needs it. I been trying to teach her stuff. Practical stuff I mean," he hastened to add at Kaylee's grin. "Can't teach her nothin' 'bout book stuff, her bein' a genius and all. But she's short on practical stuff, and I been trying to help her some. She'll like as not always have someone looking to take her back to the Academy, even if there ain't no warrants no more. And one day, she may find herself alone, with us gone. Or she may decided she wants to move on. Want her to be able to make it, if'n any o' that happens."

Kaylee listened to Jayne with a little song fluttering in her heart. Jayne liked River! She didn't think he realized it yet, but was almost sure he did. Boy, oh boy! If they ever got together, Simon and the Captain would have puppies. No, more like full grown dogs! Kaylee fought the urge to giggle.

"Sounds like you kinda like River, Jayne," Kaylee said slyly, a small, knowing smile on her lips.

"Huh?" Jayne's head jerked up again. "What's that mean? 'Course I like her. We're friends, me and her. Work together. Train together some. I wouldn't do that with someone I don't like." What was _with _the women on this ship!

"I wasn't talking about being friends, Jayne," Kaylee taunted, just a little, enjoying needling the big mercenary. "I meant I think you _like_ River. Like a man _likes_ a woman."

"What kinda _feng le_ _go se_ is that?" Jayne yelped, standing. "That's just. . .no. Alright? Just. . .no, gorramit!" Kaylee almost recoiled at that. Jayne rarely used bad language these days. She must have hit a nerve.

"Jayne, I didn't mean nothin' by that, now," Kaylee said hastily. "I was just talkin' s'all. Listenin' to ya, it just sounded to me like more than friendship. And if it was, that'd be just shiny, I think! I can't imagine two people fittin' together better'n you!" Jayne looked at Kaylee, wondering if she and Inara had planned this whole thing.

"Kaylee, she's a _kid_! One that's had a hard life already! I'm damn near old 'nough to be her pa!" he told her, forgetting for the moment that he wasn't. Not really.

"Aw, that don't mean nothing," Kaylee grinned, hitting him lightly on the arm. "Not out here. And she ain't no kid, either! She's a grown woman, and knows her own mind!"

"I never said nothin' 'bout she don't know her own mind!" Jayne shot back, but with no heat in the words. "All I'm saying is that I ain't thinking on her! Not like that! Sides, if Simon didn't kill me, Mal would, was I to be doin' like that. Which I _ain't_." He stressed.

"Okay, Jayne," Kaylee decided to let it go. She had got what she was after, anyway. "I ain't accusing you o' nothin' anyway. Just makin' a observation is all. But Jayne?" He looked at her.

"Don't go dismissin' her as no child, okay? She's ain't." Jayne nodded, and left the engine room, head spinning. Two more gorram weeks til they hit dirt on Argo. He'd be nuttier than River ever had been, this kept up that long.

-----------

Inara was busy cleaning her shuttle when there came a hesitant knock at her door. She opened it, half expecting to see Jayne standing there. She was therefore a little surprised to see River instead.

"Hello, _mei-mei_, how are you? Please come in," Inara stood back to allow the younger woman into the shuttle. "Would you like some tea? I was about to rest and have some myself."

"Tea would be welcome," River nodded, deep in thought. Inara quickly prepared the two cups, wondering what had River so distracted, almost sure she knew. She handed one cup to River, and then sat down across from her.

"What's on your mind, River?" Inara asked after a taste of her own tea. "You seem to be deep in thought."

"I need advise," River admitted with a nod. "I seek knowledge from one more experienced. I have. . .feelings. Not emotions, so much as physical reactions. I am unable to quantify them, at least partially due to my in-experience. I seek guidance." She looked up at Inara with wide-eyed hope. Inara tried not to smile. _Ah ha!_

"Well, tell me about these. . .reactions, _mei-mei_, and I'll try and help you sort through them."

"First, I must ask you that our talk remain secret," River almost whispered. "Were Captain Daddy, or Simon, to find out the substance of our discussion, there would be over-reactions, and likely no small amount of violence. She. . .I wish to avoid that." Inara frowned at the near slip of River's speech back into third person. It was a clear indicator of how nervous she was.

"River, I promise, whatever you say to me, stays with me," she assured the pilot. "Now, tell me, sweetie, what has you so. . .distracted."

"Jayne," she said quietly, and Inara smiled.

"What about Jayne, sweetie?" Inara asked, trying not to smirk at her own intuitiveness.

"I don't _know,_" River didn't quite wail. "That is the crux of my problem. I do not understand what it is! He has some. . ._effect_, on me, causes some sort of reaction. I cannot explain it better, because I cannot understand it!"

"Well, let's start off by you telling me what these. . .reactions, are then." Inara sat back a bit. _Poor girl_, she thought to herself. _All so new to her_.

"I sometimes find it difficult to maintain a steady respiratory rhythm when he is near," River said, speaking with a clinical detachment. "Also, I notice that cardio rhythms are similarly affected."

"So your breathing is shorter, more rapid, and your heart beats faster?" Inara asked, wanting to be sure she understood. River nodded. "Anything else?"

"Yes, but it is even harder to describe," River replied. "Last night, at supper, when Jayne told Kaylee he had more strawberries for her alone? And she kissed him? I felt. . .pain, almost. A twinge in my chest. There is no acceptable reason for that. Kaylee is my friend, I should not find her actions. . .disturbing." Inara smiled, and leaned forward to take River's hand.

"Is there more?" Inara asked gently. River sat quietly for a long moment, then nodded.

"When he is _not_ near, I feel . . . strange. It is almost as if . . . the nearest I can come too accurately describing it is that I feel like I am missing something. Like I have misplaced something valuable, or. . ."

"Like part of you is missing?" Inara offered. River looked up at her, eyes again wide.

"Yes," she didn't quite whisper. Inara leaned forward and took the younger woman's hand in her own.

"River, do you know what you have just described to me?" she asked gently. In Inara's experience, it was better for River to come to her own conclusions, than have one given to her.

"I know . . . what it _sounds _like," she nodded. "But it _can't_ be! Jayne and I are friends! Good friends, yes, but. . .he doesn't see me in that way, Inara. How can I feel this way, knowing he does not?"

"River, there's an old saying," Inara said. "'The heart wants what the heart wants'. That means that it doesn't have to make sense. It doesn't need to be logical, and can't necessarily be explained away with reason. That's what love is, River. That's what it does. It defies logic, it defies reason, it defies anything and everything that would argue against it."

"But there has to be a way that I can fix this!" River exclaimed. "I cannot feel this way! Jayne and I . . . we aren't . . . we cannot . . . " River finally trailed off, unable to articulate her frustration properly.

"River, are you more worried that what you feel is _wrong_, or that you think Jayne doesn't feel the same way?" Inara watched the emotions playing across her face, and sighed within. _Poor girl's got it _bad, she thought. Her next thought was more amusing.

_Poor Jayne,_ she had to fight to hide a wicked smile. _He's in for a rough time, if I know River at all. _

"I do not think what I feel is, of itself, wrong," River admitted. "Thus it must be fear. Fear that the feelings are not reciprocated. That my. . .feelings," she avoided the word love at all costs, "will not be. . .that they will not bear fruit, so to speak." Inara watched her struggle with her explanation, and determined that she would help the girl, _woman,_ get what she wanted. If she decided what she wanted.

"River, what do you want to do?" Inara asked.

"I don't know," River whimpered.

"Well, you have a choice before you, _mei-mei_. You can either do nothing, and see if the. . . _feeling_, goes away. Or you can try to get Jayne to notice you as more than a friend and crime partner. He's a man. There are way's to get men's attention." River looked up at Inara, suddenly smiling.

"Will you show me?"

_Don't you just love it when people meddle? _


	9. Changes and Second Chances

Shades of the Past – Chapter Eight – Changes and Second Chances

Remember, Joss, et.al. owns all this neat stuff, and not me. I'm just moving the toys around in someone else's sandbox for my own amusement!

----------

Simon looked up in surprise as Jayne walked into the infirmary. His surprise turned to concern when the mercenary closed the door behind him, then turned to eye the doctor in a not _quite _menacing way.

"You and me, we need ta talk," he said without preamble.

"Is something wrong, Jayne?" Simon asked, trying to appear calm. That's all it was at this point. An appearance. The one thing Simon was _not_ was calm.

"Yeah, I reckon there is," the big man rumbled. "With you and Kaylee." Simon stood abruptly, his face reddening.

"What happened between Kaylee and I is none of your business!"

"It is, and you know it," Jayne replied evenly. "See, you hurt that girl, with all your diggin' at me, 'count o' she's like me. Rim born. That makes it my business, cause I absolutely _don't_ like to see Kaylee hurt. In fact, when Kaylee hurts, it makes me want to make _others_ hurt. Get my meaning?" Jayne didn't actually have to try and be menacing, but when he did, it was an impressive sight.

So long, Simon decided, as you were not the _recipient_ of said menacing. Under those circumstances, it was downright unsettling.

"So here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna get your _go se_ together, all in one tight little pile. You're gonna make sure that foot o' your's can't get nowhere near that mouth o' your's, and you're gonna go 'pologize. You ask, plead, you _beg_, if you have to, but you make this right. I'm pretty sure that girl loves you, Simon. I know she was happy when the two o' ya was together. And if she ain't happy again, and _soon_, then there's gonna be misery for other folks. _Dong Ma_?"

Simon didn't answer at once. Finally, with a resigned sigh, he sat back down.

"I've tried to talk to her, Jayne," he said miserably. "And thought I did a fair job of keeping my foot from my mouth while doing it. But. . .I fear I hurt her too deeply. I don't believe she _wants_ to talk to me. About anything."

"She does," Jayne nodded firmly. "I'm sure o' that. But you're gonna have to eat some crow. A _lot_ of crow. Start out by telling her you're an idiot. Always seems to help me. And don't lecture. Don't make excuses. Makes you look weak. Tell her, straight out, that you're sorry. Blame it on me if you have to. I don't care. But you set this to rights, Simon." Jayne leaned in toward the doctor suddenly, invading his personal space.

"And if you hurt her, Simon, ever again, intentional or not, you ain't gotta worry about Mal. Or Zoe. 'Cause they won't never be able to find you." He straightened, satisfied that he'd gotten his point across. "I know you love that girl, Simon. I'm telling you not to go forgettin' it, _again_, and do something stupid. Which, if you're wondering, means anything that causes her pain or makes her cry." With that, Jayne opened the door and walked out, leaving a stunned Simon looking after him.

Had Jayne Cobb just offered to take the blame for something Simon had done? And told him that he, Simon, had made Kaylee happy? Suddenly Simon realized that Jayne had said something else. Kaylee wanted to talk to him. Or at least was willing to talk to him!

Simon was out of his seat and on his way to the engine room before the thought was finished.

----------

Kaylee was stooped over a hydraulic sleeve when Simon found her. There was a slow leak, somewhere, and her girl was losing fluid. The engineer was determined to find it. She straightened when Simon cleared his throat.

"Hi, Simon," Kaylee said, her voice cautious.

"Kaylee," Simon nodded. "Do you have a minute, or is this a bad time?"

"I can spare a minute, I reckon," she smiled at him. "Been leaking this long, it'll keep a few more minutes. Something wrong?"

"Yes," he said simply. "I was. I was wrong about so many things. I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I know that the things I sometimes said to Jayne hurt you too. And why. Please believe me that I never meant any of that to cause you any pain."

"I never considered that something I said to Jayne. . .that you might think I felt that way about you. Jayne is. . .very aggravating. I meant my insults for him alone. Not for anyone else. I know people sometimes tend to generalize their comments, but I don't. I tend to see only individuals. Which I always thought of as a good thing."

"That's what Jayne said," Kaylee said quietly.

"Jayne said that?" Simon was shocked. Kaylee nodded, and Simon forced the surprise down and barreled ahead.

"But I also tend to forget that not everyone does that. That's my fault, not theirs. Kaylee, please believe me that I would never say anything like that to you. You know I love you. You're so beautiful," she blushed at this, "so wonderfully sweet and cheerful. When you walk into the room, it grows brighter just because you're there. I. . .I love you Kaylee, more than anything in the 'verse. And I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me, one day, for being so thoughtless." He stopped, hesitating to continue, to ask for that second chance he so desperately wanted and knew he didn't deserve.

"I'm not worthy of you, you know," he said after a moment. "I don't think anyone is. You always choose the light over the dark, seeing what's good in anyone, no matter how hard it is to find. You're a blessing, Kaylee. One that I. . ."

"Simon," Kaylee interrupted.

"Yes?"

"Shut up, and kiss me."

----------

Mal glanced briefly around the galley, heading through to the bridge. He was almost out of the room when what he'd seen registered, forcing him to do a double take.

Simon and Kaylee were cooking dinner. Simon _and_ Kaylee, cooking dinner. Together. As he watched, the engineer tilted her head up and kissed the doctor lightly on the lips. The doctor smiled, and embraced her. Huh.

He'd not seen that coming. Kaylee had been adamant that she and Simon were done. Yet, here they were, carrying on as if nothing had happened. He jumped when a gravelly voice almost whispered behind him.

"How 'bout that?" Jayne chuckled, though Mal didn't know if it was at the couple in the kitchen, or at him. Mal chose to think it was the former.

"You know about this?" Mal asked.

"No," Jayne admitted with a grin. "But I did suggest to the Doc earlier today that he needed to make things right."

"Suggested? Jayne?" Mal asked, trying and failing to stop a grin from covering his face.

"Well, that's what _I_ call it," Jayne shrugged. "Others might not be so generous, but I'm used to that."

"She looks awfully happy, don't she," Mal said, looking back to the two cooks.

"That she does," Jayne nodded with a satisfied sigh. "Looks like Kaylee again, don't she?" He and Mal exchanged smiles.

"Jayne, you keep on surprising me," Mal said, heading for the bridge.

"Just trying to keep life in the black interesting."

----------

It was nearly dinner time. Inara and River had been sequestered in the former Companion's shuttle for nearly an hour, and their work was finally finished. Inara stood back slightly, and viewed her handiwork with satisfaction.

"_Mei-mei, _you look breathtaking," she mused. River's face burned at the compliment. She gazed at herself in the mirror. She and Inara had decided to be subtle, at least at first. Her clothes were the same, but her hair was brushed and pulled into a long braid. Light hints of make-up were visible, but only hints. Inara had used only a few basic touches to highlight the younger woman's natural beauty.

It had never occurred to Inara that no one had ever taught River how to do hair, make-up, and all the things that made girls feel like, well, _girls._ She had rectified that oversight.

"Well, you wanted him to notice that you were a woman," Inara continued. "I guarantee you that Jayne will notice. I'm not responsible for anything after that, however. I will try to talk sense to Mal for you, but you're on your own with Simon."

"I can handle Simon," River assured her. "And the Captain as well, if the need arises. That is not my concern." She frowned.

"What is your concern, sweetie?"

"That this won't work," River admitted sadly. "Or that it will, and I won't. . ."

"Won't like it?" Inara finished for her. River nodded. Inara gently turned the girl to face her.

"River, this is only our first move. Up to a point, you can quit and never tell anyone what was on your mind. But make sure you're sure before taking things too far, okay? It's not fair to entice Jayne, then drop him because you changed your mind, _Dong Ma?_" River nodded again, biting her lower lip.

"This is what I want," she said finally, her voice quiet but firm. "I'm ninety-eight point seven percent sure. Those odds suggest that this is the appropriate action, not just now, but in future endeavors. Variables are present, of course, and may effect the outcome, but I believe that a satisfactory effort will result in success." Inara smiled down at the little genius, awed that a woman who could kill thirty reavers in hand-to-hand combat would find something like this in any way intimidating.

"New things promote feelings of uncertainty. Possibility of failure or rejection also heighten flight or fight impulses. Reactions are natural, and within acceptable parameters, thus performance should not be affected." River had gleaned Inara's thought and responded without thinking, yet another clear sign of the girl's anxiety. Lately she had been steadfast in her refusal to read the others, often going so far as to leave a room rather than 'hear' someone's loud thoughts or emotions.

"Well, then, Inara rose and extended her hand. "Let's go to dinner."

----------

Jayne was already seated when Inara came into the dining area, followed by River. Jayne glanced at them, then did his own double take. River looked. . .different.

"Inara had been teaching me to employ womanly beauty secrets," River said in response to his unspoken thought. Yeah, that would explain it.

Jayne was speechless. There was no way, _no way_, this was the same girl he'd befriended a few short months ago.

"Doesn't she look lovely, Jayne?" Inara asked wickedly, and Kaylee snickered.

"Uh, yeah," Jayne managed to tear his gaze away. Once the spell was broken he saw the look on Inara's face, and frowned. _Set up._ He glared at Kaylee, who was smiling like the cat that ate the canary.

"Ain't you gonna tell her she looks pretty, Jayne," Kaylee whispered. He scowled at her, but looked back to River. He didn't want the girl hurt on account of his problems.

"You look beautiful, River," he managed. The smile on her face would have powered the ship for years if it could have been harnessed.

"Thank you, Jayne," she said quietly, her face slightly red as she took her place next to him. She finally looked at Simon, expecting some kind of outburst. But her brother was looking at Kaylee, had eyes only for her tonight, and River realized with a shock that Simon and Kaylee seemed to have made up. She looked at Kaylee, who nodded, and winked.

"Oh, that's wonderful," River squealed, and Kaylee and Simon both flushed. Inara noticed and hid a smile. Zoe walked in just then, and noted the couple with a raised eyebrow. Then she looked at River.

"_Mei-mei,_ don't you look nice this evening," the warrior woman said, and River flushed in pleasure. With Kaylee and Simon back together, there was no longer any reason she could not 'pursue' Jayne. She looked at him from under her eyelids.

"You like it?" she asked where only he could hear. Jayne jerked suddenly at her question.

"Yeah," he stammered. "Sure I do. Always told you you was a pretty thing, River. And you are. You don't need all that stuff to be pretty, though. You know that."

River beamed at that. He had noticed her _before_ the make-up lesson. Maybe not in the way she desired, but for now, for tonight, it was enough.

Jayne sat at the table with a concerned look on his face. Kaylee and Inara were _encouraging_ her! Why in the world couldn't women leave well enough alone! He shook his head in resignation.

Long, long way to Argo. He wondered idly if would survive.


	10. Recriminations

Shades of the Past – Chapter Nine – Resolutions and Revolutions

Oh, that I owned the Firefly universe! But I don't, so I just play around with the characters for my own entertainment.

Jayne was in hell. That's all that he could figure. It had to be hell, there was simply no other explanation.

For the past ten days, he had been subjected to a near endless stream of flirting, touching, eye-batting, and _chasing_. He was being treed by a nineteen year old genius that he couldn't out think, out run, or hide from. She was _everywhere_.

Encouraged all the while by her 'advisors', Inara and Kaylee. Inara he wasn't surprised by. She couldn't seem to help meddling, especially when she saw it as helping someone else. But Kaylee. Kaylee he had expected more from. The engineer knew how Jayne felt about all this, and did it anyway.

No matter what Jayne did, where he went, River showed up soon after. She was a reader, so there was no way to hide from her. And _Serenity _wasn't all that big to begin with. So far the only place she hadn't pursued him was into his bunk. As a result that was where he spent the majority of his free time.

After ten days, he was going stir crazy. Cabin fever was a common problem in space, especially on long-haul, deep black missions. Add in the confinement of his bunk for hours on end, and it was worse. _Much _worse.

_It would be so much easier to give in_, he thought to himself, lying in his bunk, staring a hole in the bulkhead. But he couldn't do that. He was a hunted man. Book had been in a position to know, and Jayne had always suspected as much anyway. It would be the ultimate un-fairness to saddle the girl, _(woman_, he heard Kaylee's voice in his ear), with the added burden of his own past. She had enough troubles.

To make it worse, he was a perfectly healthy man with a perfectly healthy sex drive, and he had not been with a woman in over six months. That had been his own choice, and he didn't want to regret it.

But, and there was no denying it, River was attractive. Hell, she was more than attractive. She'd been a growing beauty before Inara had started teaching her how to be 'girly'. Now, after long sessions with the former Companion, she was stunning. Jayne was more attracted to her every day. He snorted in amusement at his 'dilemma'.

_For once in my life, since I left from home, here I am trying to do what's right. And now, at the height of my efforts, I'm being stalked by a lioness, with her two trainers. There has _got_ to be a rule against that, somewhere._

With that unhappy thought, he got up, and headed for the ladder. Maybe he could lift weights until he was ready to collapse, and then sleep a full night.

----------

"So, River, how's the campaign going?" Kaylee asked. She, River and Inara where shut away in Inara's shuttle, doing 'girl' things. Which meant hair, makeup, pedicures and manicures. All the things, Inara told them, that made women feel like pampered creatures.

"Wearing him down, the River raging against the Rock," the little pilot grinned. She knew she was having an effect on Jayne, and could sense his crumbling resolve. She knew she should be ashamed, practically stalking the man like he was prey. But she couldn't bring herself to feel that way.

"Yeah, he don't know what to do with his self," Kaylee snickered. She had not forgotten, exactly, what Jayne had said. She had simply decided that he hadn't meant it. Which meant, so far as she was concerned, that it wasn't important.

"Now, girls," Inara scolded playfully. "Let's not be nasty about this." Emboldened by River's adamant pursuit of Jayne, Inara had launched a similar campaign against Mal a few days later. Like Jayne, the Captain was often in hiding. Unlike River, however, Inara wasn't afraid to follow him into his bunk, crowding him in his personal space.

Though she suspected that River would soon cross that line as well.

"River, have you talked to Simon about this?" she asked, busily running a brush through her hair, while Kaylee was working on the pilot's toenails. "Things might go easier with Mal, once this is out, if Simon was on your side."

"Won't happen," River said, her voice unconcerned. "Simon will never tell me to go after any man I want, let alone Jayne. I will deal with him when the time comes." She looked up at Inara with a wicked grin. "I expect you to distract Captain Daddy for me."

"Well, I'll do my best, but remember what I said before. I can't make any promises."

"And I don't know 'bout Simon," Kaylee looked up from her own seat. "Seems Jayne had a little talk with him about him and me. Right after that Simon came to the engine room all mushy and apologetic. Simon has good reason to be grateful to Jayne," Kaylee added, then blushed as she realized what she'd revealed. River and Inara both giggled.

"Please! As if we didn't already know," River almost cackled with glee. "It's not like you two are subtle."

"I agree, _mei-mei_," Inara laughed cheerfully. "We're all aware how grateful Simon should be to Jayne." Kaylee's blush deepened, and she giggled.

"It's all so different," she admitted after a bit. "Simon is like I always saw him. Like he knew what I wanted to see, and made himself into that man."

"He loves you, dear," Inara said, smiling. "A man will do a lot for a woman he loves."

"Like hiding in his bunk?" River whined, and Inara laughed again.

"I told you, patience is a virtue, River. You can't make him want you. Not the way you want him to. He has to decide for himself. But the fact that he's fighting it means there is _something_ there to fight. I think it's obvious that Jayne has seen you are a grown woman, now. And remember, Jayne isn't like he used to be. He's trying very hard to do the right thing. In his eyes, you are too young for him, and, I suspect, too good. He has to come to terms with that before he can move forward."

"Needs to come to terms sooner," River said flatly. "Tired of waiting."

"Hey, I can sing all twelve verses o' that song, honey," Kaylee giggled. "Trust me, if it's right, it's worth waiting for."

Mal frowned as he passed by the door to Inara's shuttle, the sounds of very feminine giggling coming from within. He shook his head. He didn't know what had come over Inara in the last few days, but she'd been a lot. . ._friendlier_, yeah that's all, friendlier. . .over that time. He was having trouble resisting her 'wiles'.

He wondered why he _was_ resisting. Had to be something wrong with him, that's all. He couldn't believe that he was running away from the beautiful ex-companion.

Shaking his head at another round of laughter, he couldn't resist the temptation to peek. He eased up to the door, and chanced a look into the shuttle.

"He is worth the wait," River said firmly. _He_? Mal wondered. He who?

"I think you're right, _mei-mei_," he heard Inara agree. "I wouldn't have said that a year ago. Might not even six months ago. But now? Yes, he's worth it."

"I'd a told ya that a year ago, to be honest," Kaylee's voice entered the fray. "He may not appear all that civil, but I'm telling ya, 'neath that rough exterior is a gentle heart."

"Not all that rough, either," River giggled, joined by the other two women.

Rough exterior? Changed since a year ago? Even Six months ago? There was only one person on this ship who fit that description. And from the sounds of his lil albatross' voice, he and that person needed to have a talk. Right near the air-lock.

Gripped in fury at his having been hood-winked by Jayne, Mal set out to find his mercenary.

Jayne was on his bench, struggling to get the bar up for one last rep when he heard Mal stomping down the steps. He managed to get the bar into it's rest, and had just sat up when Mal's fist slammed into the side of his head. The blow was heavy, but other than snap Jayne's head around, it didn't move the big man much.

"What the hell?" Jayne yelled, holding his jaw. He looked up at Mal. "What was that all about?"

"You _Gao yang jong duh goo yang_!" Mal shouted. "I trusted you! Listened to you talk all that _go se_ 'bout how you was a changed man! How you was tired o' being 'that man'! And now _this_! I oughta kill you right now, Jayne Cobb!" Mal's fingers hovered over the but of his pistol.

"What the hell are you talking 'bout, Mal?' Jayne bellowed back. "I ain't done a thing, 'cept whatever job you give me!" The big man stood, angry now himself. "And I don't take to gettin' hit for no reason at all, neither! Not even if it _is_ you what's doin' the hittin'!"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about you _yin hui hun dan_! You been making advances on my pilot behind my back, and covering it with all that _go se_ about being a changed man!"

"What?" Jayne asked, stunned. "I ain't makin' nothing with _noone_ on this ship, Captain! You gone loco or somethin'?"

"You are off my ship, Jayne, next port we hit. _Dong Ma_? _Off_! And you had better pray to your dear and fluffy I don't get the urge to put ya off afore then!"

Mal turned and stomped away, leaving a bewildered Jayne in his wake.

---------

In the shuttle, River suddenly sat up straight. Inara stopped her brushing, and Kaylee looked up from her own perch.

"What's wrong, River?" Inara asked.

"Game is up," River sighed sadly. "Captain Daddy approaches. Fury." She closed her eyes, trying to blot out the anger rolling off of the Captain. Suddenly the door burst open, and Mal walked in.

"Do you ever knock? Maybe ask permission before entering a woman's quarters?" Inara asked scathingly.

"My ship. Don't have to knock," Mal replied shortly. He looked down at River.

"Got something you want to tell me, Albatross?"

"Other than you are a boob?" River snarled, not rising from her seat.

"I already put one man off this ship tonight. You ain't so valuable that you can't go too. I'm the Captain, and I expect to know what's going on around here all the time. Jayne was warned, in no uncertain terms, that he was not to have relations of any kind with any of the women on this ship."

"Put him off?" Inara was alarmed. "What do you mean, put him off? Mal, you didn't. . ."

"No airlock," River said, her head lowered. "Chose a coward's way, hit when his target was not looking, knew no wrong had occurred." She looked up. "Real hero, Captain. Alliance would be proud to have you." With that the girl ran from the room. Inara called after her but to no avail. She turned to Mal.

"Mal, what have you done?"

"Less than I should have!" Mal almost screamed, the girl's words stinging him. "Jayne's lucky I didn't blow him out the airlock!"

"For what!" Kaylee screeched.

"This don't concern you, little Kaylee," Mal shot her a glance. "Best you be off."

"I ain't leaving til I find out what you did, and why!" Kaylee shot back, furious.

"That wasn't a suggestion, Kaylee," Mal growled, trying to force her to go with his look. Kaylee wasn't budging however.

"I ain't scared o' you Captain," Kaylee said hotly. "You can fire me too, you think you can keep this ship flying!"

"Mal, what are you talking about? What is it you think Jayne has done?"

"Don't even try that!" Mal yelled, making both women jump. "I heard! I was right there," he pointed outside the shuttle door. "I heard the whole thing! Jayne made inappropriate advances toward River, and you two, you _knew_! Knew, and said nothing about it. I expect it from you, Inara, but I have to say, it hurt me to see you in this Kaylee" he turned to the mechanic.

"You were eavesdropping?" Inara demanded, red faced. "You have no right to listen in on private conversations!"

"My ship," Mal shot back bluntly. "Only one got rights is me."

"Well, you got the right to be a fool then, Cap'n," Kaylee said hotly, eyes brimming with tears. "Jayne ain't made no advances o' any kind on River! Fact is she's been trying to attract him, and he's running from her!" She stalked to the door, huffing all the way. She turned back at the door.

"You got the right to find a new mechanic, too! Cause once we hit dirt, I _quit_!" With that she stormed off. Mal gaped after her, eyes wide and mouth hanging.

"Well, Mal," Inara sighed, her anger suddenly gone. "Congratulations. For the first time in recent memory this ship was humming along nicely, everyone happy and getting along. I'd say that's over, as of now. And this time," she pointed out crossly, "you have no one to blame but yourself."

---------


	11. Chapter 11

Shades of the Past – Chapter Ten

Josh and Co. Own all rights to Firefly and the good ship Serenity. I'm just marking them up a little for my own enjoyment, and not for pay!

---

Jayne was in his bunk, fuming. His jaw ached where Mal had hit him, but he'd had worse. His funk was due to the unfairness of it all.

_Damn you Book, why'd you have to leave that letter? Whyn't you just kill me when you had the chance? Damn meal couldn't of been that good._

He sighed, frustration pushing up tears at the thought of the shepard. The older man had been his friend, he was right about that. Had been a friend when Jayne hadn't known he even needed one. When he'd read that letter, he'd decided that his new purpose was to stay here, and keep watch over the crew. He should have left instead, making a clean break and starting fresh.

_Well, I can do that now, can't I. And not be needled by my conscience over not doing as Book asked. I ain't done nothing wrong, and I told the Captain so. It ain't my fault. Not this time._

He'd been doing well, too. Inara had started helping him with his manners and bearing, and even loaned him books to read, including a dictionary to help him discover the meaning of words he didn't know. Thinking of that reminded him that he still had the books. He levered himself off the bunk with a sigh. He'd better get them back to her while it was on his mind.

He retrieved the books and climbed out into the passageway above. It was quiet, no one about. He started to Inara's shuttle. As he rounded the corner, he smashed into Mal, making his hasty way in the opposite direction. Jayne realized that he should have worn a gun.

"Sorry, Captain," he mumbled, trying to get by the man. Mal glared at him and continued on his way. Jayne shook his head, and resumed his own journey.

He knocked on Inara's door, and waited. When she opened the door, he could tell she'd been crying.

"Inara, you all right?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, Jayne," she stammered. "This is all my fault."

"Good news travels fast, huh?" he grinned, then held out the books. "I wanted to get these back to you, 'for I forgot. Thanks for lettin' me use'em, too. Learned a little bit, and now I know how to go about it, I can learn more on my own. I appreciate it."

Jayne's sincerity was palpable, and made Inara feel even worse.

"Jayne, I am so sorry," she said again, ignoring the books.

"Don't worry over it, Inara," he said softly. "'Least this way, I can go with my mind easy. I tried to do the right thing, and I know that." He set the books down by the door. "I gotta take care of a few things. See you later." With that he left the door. Inara gathered her books up and closed the door softly.

-----------

When Jayne returned to his bunk, he shouldn't have been surprised to find a huddled mass of hair, genius and tears hiding in his rack. But he was.

"Are you. . ." he cut off the remark.

"Crazy?" River replied without looking up. "That is the consensus, yes." She looked up at him with tear stained eyes. "I'm very sorry, Jayne."

"Yeah," he sighed, "me too. But it is what it is," he shrugged helplessly.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" she asked in a tiny voice. "This is my fault, all my fault, and you are the one paying. You should be angry, furious even."

"Why should I be mad at you?" Jayne asked, head cocked to one side. "What is it that you've done?"

"I. . .I have caused you to lose your job by trying to make you notice me as a woman. By talking about it with Kaylee and Inara while the Captain was listening from out of sight."

"Eavesdropping huh?" Jayne nodded, oddly satisfied. "Figures. I thought he was better'n that. But then, I been wrong before," he grinned. "And I ain't mad cause this ain't your fault. You saw something you wanted, and went after it. And there ain't nothing wrong with that. I'm flattered, to be honest." She looked up at him, sniffling.

"You are a strange man, Jayne Cobb," she told him.

"It's been said so," Jayne nodded. "Look, River, it ain't that I don't like you, but you shouldn't be here, okay? If Mal comes by and sees you, then I'ma have ta kill him, cause he ain't hitting me no more tonight. And, whatever he thinks, he ain't man enough to put me out of his airlock." He opened the door again, and turned soft eyes on the girl.

"You should go, 'fore you get into trouble yourself."

"Once you wouldn't have cared if I were in trouble," she said, not offering to move. He nodded.

"Reckon that's so," he admitted. "And I'm sorry for that. Shouldn't been that way. Wouldn't be again. And look," he added, kneeling beside her. "We'll still be friends, no matter I'm here or not, _Dong Ma_? You need me, you call me, and I'll be there, whatever it takes. You hear me?"

River launched herself into his arms, crying as she had not since the first night, months ago. She sobbed against his shoulder, and he held her while she cried.

"Don't cry, now," he soothed. "Ain't nothing to cry over. You ain't done nothing wrong, not one thing. And I sure ain't worth crying your pretty eyes out over."

As before, he didn't know how long he held her. She cried for so long that he began to worry, but he never let go, never stopped comforting her. Finally, she was asleep, worn out by stress and tears. Jayne sighed, wondering what he needed to do with her. No way to get her out without waking her, something he was loathe to do.

Finally he lay her back on his own bunk, covering her with a blanket, then another for good measure. He stood slowly, looking down at the sleeping form. She was almost angelic in appearance, her hair splayed out around her head. He smiled, hoping she slept well, and headed out, looking for a place to sleep.

-----

Outside, Mal leaned against the bulkhead, listening to Jayne try and comfort a crying

River. His face burned with shame from his earlier actions as he heard Jayne tell the girl not to cry, that she wasn't to blame.

He knew he had wronged the mercenary. Had allowed his temper to rule him. Then made it worse by storming into Inara's shuttle and making an ass of himself to Kaylee. Kaylee of all people!

What the hell was wrong with him? He pushed his way off the wall as he heard Jayne at the ladder. Jayne was leaving his own bunk, with River in it, so that she could sleep. That wasn't the action of a man who had made unwanted advances. He turned and hurried away from the door. He didn't want a confrontation with Jayne. Not tonight.

He needed time. Time to figure out how to fix the mess he'd made. Inara had been right about that. He'd made a fine mess of a smooth running ship, full of happy crew. No one to blame but him.

He didn't know how he'd fix it, but he had all night to come up with something.

----------

Jayne made his way down to the doctor's bunk, and knocked softly on the door. As he waited, he heard crying inside, and cursed his own inattentiveness. Who else would Kaylee come to for comfort? Suddenly the door was open, and Simon was standing there, anger on his face. The anger faded as he saw Jayne.

"Jayne," Simon said quietly. "I thought it was the Captain. What can I do for you?"

"Wanted to tell you that River is in my bunk," the big man said softly. "She came there saying everything was her fault and crying her eyes out. She finally fell asleep, and she needs it. I couldn't figure a way to get her out without waking her, so I left her there. I wanted you to know, case you got ta looking for her. I'm gonna sleep on the sofa in the galley."

Simon's eyes had gotten wide, and his face a bit red when Jayne told him his _mei-mei _was in the mercenary's bunk. But the look had softened considerably as Jayne explained, and he nodded.

"Thank you, Jayne," Simon said simply. He looked over his shoulder a second, then back to Jayne. "For everything. I don't. . ."

"Don't sweat it, Simon," Jayne said with a nod. "Things, they happen for a reason, Book used to tell me. Reckon they do. And don't worry 'bout River. I tucked her in good, and she should sleep through the night. At least she usually does, after. . ." Jayne caught himself, realizing how that sounded, but again, Simon nodded.

"She told me," he said softly. "And I can never thank you for that. Not properly."

"Don't think on it," Jayne rumbled softly. "You got other things to worry over, so I'll leave ya to 'em. Night, Doc."

"Goodnight, Jayne."

---------------

Zoe was up first, as usual. She made her way to the galley, and was surprised to find Jayne asleep on the sofa. Her eyes narrowed, her first instinct telling her that the merc had gotten drunk. But after a close inspection, she found no sign, or smell of alcohol.

She considered what to do for a moment, then decided to let him sleep. Waking Jayne from a deep sleep wasn't a safe proposition, anyway. With a shrug, she went on with her earlier mission, which consisted of fixing some coffee.

The smell of coffee served to wake the big man, who rose quietly. Zoe's eyebrow's arched at the sight of the gun in Jayne's hand, along with the bruise on his jaw, but she said nothing. Jayne worked his muscles to get the stiffness out, then sat down to pull his socks and shoes back on.

When he rose again, he noticed Zoe for the first time, and hesitated. Had Mal told her what had happened? His hand brushed his gun lightly, a move that Zoe didn't miss. Her eyes narrowed again.

"Morning, Zoe," Jayne nodded, moving to get a drink of water.

"Jayne," Zoe nodded back. "Any reason why you're sleeping on the couch?" she asked.

"Long story," he risked a grin, and thought he saw a twinkle in Zoe's eyes. He sighed, and sat down at the table.

"River is in my bunk, dead to the world. Couldn't get her out without wakin' her, so I left her there, and slept up here." He watched the warrior woman carefully, ready to defend himself if needed. He wasn't going to take any more abuse over this, or anything else, he'd decided.

"Interesting that you would leave her, alone, in your bunk, and sleep up here," Zoe observed. "Plain as day to anyone with a brain that she's chasin' after you."

"'Cept the Captain," he said without thinking. Zoe groaned.

"What did he do," she asked tiredly.

"Fired me," Jayne admitted. "Heard River, Inara and Kaylee talking 'bout me, and decided I had done somethin' inappropriate. Came stormin' down to the bay and hit me," he indicated his bruised jaw. "Then told me I was gone, first dirt we hit. If he didn't change his mind and throw me out the airlock."

"Guess that explains the gun, then," Zoe nodded. Jayne looked at Zoe and nodded.

"Ain't done nothing wrong, and I ain't gonna be hit on or tossed into the black, Zoe. Best you know that up-front, I guess. I know you'll side with the Captain, no matter what. I ain't makin' no threats, just want to make sure we understand each other." Zoe regarded Jayne for a moment, then nodded.

"Fair enough," was all she said, not denying that she would back whatever decision Mal made. She silently hoped he'd make the right one. Jayne wouldn't go easy.

----------

As the crew gathered for breakfast, Jayne grabbed a protein bar, and excused himself politely before Mal showed up. Heading down into the cargo bay, he chose a spot where he couldn't be hit unawares, and sat down to eat.

In the galley, Kaylee prepared their breakfast, while Simon went to get River. The two siblings returned just as Mal was making his way down to the galley, looking as if he hadn't slept all night. Zoe looked up at him.

"Had an interesting conversation this morning, Captain," she said, and noted the grimace on Mal's face with satisfaction. "With Jayne," she added. "He warned me, friendly like, that he don't intend to be hit on anymore, nor be spaced. Wasn't threatening, he just wanted me to know up front what to expect."

Mal bit back a curse. Zoe had been in her rack when last night's events had unfolded. He'd wanted to tell her about it himself.

"Mornin' River," Kaylee chirped as she and Simon entered. "How you feelin' this morning. Made your favorite," Kaylee pointed to the pancakes on the table.

"She is not very hungry," River said quietly, "but thanks you for your consideration." The girl sat heavily into her chair, and didn't notice the rest of the crew wince at the fact that she had slipped into third person speech again. Kaylee glared at the Captain, letting him know who she held responsible for the girl's problem.

Mal said nothing. He hadn't been able to figure out how to make things right during the night, and had intended to discuss it with Zoe this morning, before breakfast. Sleep had finally overcame him, though, and he'd missed the opportunity.

As everyone settled in, Mal looked around. Jayne and Inara were both missing.

"Zoe, would you see if you can round up the rest of the crew?" he asked quietly. The first mate nodded, and went off to collect the missing people. No one said anything as they sat at the table, waiting.

Inara met Zoe on her way out of the shuttle. It was apparent that she hadn't had much sleep either.

"Was just coming to get you," Zoe said. "Breakfast is ready."

"Thank you, Zoe," Inara smiled. She followed the taller woman back to the galley. Zoe continued on through the room, knowing roughly, she thought, where Jayne would be.

Inara took the seat farthest from Mal. She looked to River.

"How are you this morning, _mei-mei_?" she asked in concern.

"She is functional, thank you," River responded. Inara paled at the flatness of her tiny voice, and the third person speak, but merely nodded in reply. She sat back, waiting with the others in silence.

----------

Zoe found Jayne sitting near the cargo door, back to the wall, staring off into the ceiling. She wondered, briefly, what was going through the man's mind. When he saw her, he straightened, and his hand came to rest near his gun.

"I come in peace," Zoe said, hands raised slightly. "Captain wants everyone in the galley for breakfast."

"Already ate," Jayne said quietly, eyes never straying from Zoe's.

"Crew eats together, Jayne," she said softly. "You know that."

"Ain't crew no more, Zoe," Jayne chuckled without humor. "Ain't gotta eat when Mal tells me to now."

"Jayne," Zoe started again, but Jayne shook his head.

"No, Zoe. Not today. Me and the Captain, we don't need to be in the same room right now, _Dong Ma_? I meant what I said, earlier. I'm not taking any more abuse of any kind from that man. I may not have earned, or deserved his respect, but I didn't deserve last night, either. I won't sit there and take it again."

"He'll just come down here and order you up to breakfast himself," Zoe pointed out. Jayne's eyes grew cold suddenly, and Zoe almost took a step back. She steeled herself and remained where she was.

"That'd be just fine, Zoe," he whispered, the shadow of a grin crossing his face. "Yep, that'd be mighty fine indeed."

Zoe left without another word.

----------

"Where's Jayne?" Mal demanded when Zoe returned without the merc.

"In the bay, sir," Zoe replied, taking her seat. "He's not coming. Said he already ate." Mal scooted his chair back and started to rise.

"He knows the rules," he bit out. "Everyone comes to meal times." He stopped as Zoe laid a restraining hand on his arm. Her eyes showed concern.

"Better let this one go, Captain," she said softly. "He means not to come up. And he's. . .ready for you." Mal regarded her for a moment, stubborn nature warring with common sense. Finally he nodded, returning to his seat.

"Let's eat, then," he managed to choke out.

--------------------------

_Oh, my. Eavesdropping is so naughty, all kinds of things can happen. Just a reminder, this is a long story, and I'm making a few changes as I go. But, we're only three, or at most four chapters from meeting with an OC of mine, and Jayne's past being revealed. I'm making the chapters kinda short, but I've always found it easier to read long stories when broken into shorter chapters. I hope no one minds. And thank you so much for all your comments, they've been helpful and encouraging :)_


	12. Chapter 12

Shades of the Past – Chapter Eleven – Clearing the Air

_As always, all nods to Joss Whedon, the master of sci-fi. You da man, Joss!_

_--------------------_

When breakfast ended, the crew broke apart quietly. Inara stayed behind to do the dishes, as the rest filed away to their jobs, Kaylee taking time for one more venomous glare at her soon-to-be _ex_-captain. Mal said nothing, knowing he deserved it. Simon told River to come and see him when she wasn't busy, concerned about her lapse into third person speech. She nodded absently, walking to the bridge in a near daze.

Simon gave Mal a glare of his own, then departed quietly for the infirmary.

Zoe simply left, probably following River to the bridge. After a long silence, Mal cleared his throat.

"Inara," he began.

"Yes, Captain?" Inara replied neutrally, and Mal winced at that. Formality was her hiding place, trained into her over years of Companion study. Not a good sign.

"I wanted to apologize about last night," he managed to say it without gagging. Apologizing wasn't something he cared for, as it meant admitting he was wrong.

"I'm really not the one who deserves the apology, Captain," Inara informed him with polite calm. "You do realize how badly you have upset River, I suppose? Noted her re-lapse?" Mal winced again, nodding.

"I didn't mean for that to happen," he mumbled. Inara threw away her formality, then, anger lighting her dark eyes.

"Damn you!" she hissed, and Mal recoiled. "She was so happy! Pursuing Jayne made her feel like a real woman, not some prize display! Everyone on this ship was happy, until your need to run every aspect of our lives ruined it!"

"I over reacted, Inara," Mal said lamely. "I heard you three talkin'. . ."

"And that's another thing! You have no right. . ." she stopped, and her mask slid into place again. "I'm sorry. I forgot. Only you have rights on this vessel. The rest of us are simply here to serve. Will there be anything else, Captain?"

"Inara, I said I was sorry," he stammered. "I'm trying to fix things! Please, just give me some time, here, and I'll make it right."

"What if you _can't_ make it right, Captain?" she demanded icily. "What if your tirade has caused River to loose all the progress she's made? Of course, all you will see is that you need a new pilot." Tears formed at the corner of her eyes, but she refused to let him see her cry.

"Damn you for this," she said again, and fled. Mal watched her go, and dropped his head into his hands. Should have started somewhere else.

------------------

Mal went to see Kaylee next. He found the plucky engineer working through her tools, separating them into two groups. He realized, with a start, that she was separating her own tools from those belonging to the ship.

"_Mei-mei_," he began, and she looked up sharply, her normally cheerful beauty marred with a scowl.

"I don't wanna see you, Cap'n," she informed him at once. "Not 'less it's about the ship, or my job. You and me ain't got nothing else to discuss." Her tone was adamant.

"Kaylee, don't be like that," Mal pleaded. "I came to tell you I was sorry. I shouldn'a went off half-cocked like that. I was stupid, okay? The thought of Jayne and River. . ."

"What about 'em?" Kaylee cut him off. "Ain't your right, Captain or not, to be thinking on them no how. People ain't machines, Cap'n. We all got the right to what happiness we can find out here, and he makes her happy. Makes her feel safe. He don't treat her fragile like, let's her stand on her own, helpin' when she needs it."

"Just cause you own this boat, don't make us your property! We got the right to make our own choices, and live our own lives. On or off this boat, so long as we do our jobs. That oughta be all you care 'bout."

"But you gotta try and _run _people, Cap'n. We ain't in no army. Somewhere you done forgot how to be people, I guess," she finished sadly, her fury spent. She'd never felt so bad in her life.

"I'm sorry, Kaylee," Mal mumbled. "I've always tried to look after everyone on this ship as best I can. I guess I took that too far."

"You did," Kaylee nodded, relentless. "Whatever happens, Cap'n, is your fault. On your head. Now, 'less you got somethin' wrong with the ship, I got things to see to."

Mal turned and left, now _really_ wishing he'd started with Jayne. Jayne might have shot him, made all this un-necessary.

-----------------

When Zoe got to the bridge, River was at the helm, staring out into the black. The warrior woman sat down in the pilot's chair, but River didn't even acknowledge her presence.

Zoe wanted to talk to her, but didn't know what to say. She was alarmed at the girl's behavior, and for some reason she wanted a sign, of any kind, that she was alright.

"She is functional," River said absently, Zoe's thoughts having been too loud to ignore. Not that River was making much of an effort this morning.

"Sometimes that ain't enough," Zoe said quietly. River slowly turned her head to face the older woman, and Zoe was shocked to see the despair in her eyes.

"Always her fault," River said quietly. "No matter how hard she tries, can't stop the hurt. Wherever she goes, people get hurt, people die. All she wanted was to be a woman, to feel what others felt. To pursue her feelings. Like others." She sighed and returned her gaze to the stars. "But she can never be like others. She will not try again. Tired of the pain, when others are hurt because of her."

Zoe didn't know what to say to that. She was about to try and come up with something, when Mal came onto the bridge.

"You are checking if she is able to do her job," River said absently without turning. "She is. If she is not, she will call you."

"No readin' me, little witch," Mal tried to joke. River's head shot around so fast that Mal jumped.

"You will not refer to her in that manner any more!" she told him harshly. "You will address her properly, or not at all. She will answer to her name, or her title. Nothing else."

"Wasn't trying to rile you, River," Mal nodded. "I'll do however you want. And I did want to know if my pilot was. . ."

"She is not yours, nor shall she ever be," River said, turning once more to stare out at the stars. "Do not make that mistake again." Mal's eyes went wide at that.

"That sounded an awful lot like a threat, lil. . .River," Mal stammered.

"You may make that assumption, if you so desire," River replied. Zoe arched an eyebrow at Mal. This was worse than she had thought.

"River, I'm trying to make this right," Mal said quietly.

"You care too little for others feelings, yet expect them to obey your every whim," River droned on. "She can no longer accept that. She will be departing when the ship grounds at Argo. You will need a new pilot." With that, she rose from her chair, and glided off the bridge. Zoe looked up at Mal with a look of pity.

"You handled that very well, sir."

-----------

Jayne was the last one he had to talk too. Despite how traumatized River was, it

was Jayne he had most wronged. He found the big man still sitting in the cargo bay, right where Zoe had said she'd left him.

He stopped for a moment, not quite gawking. Jayne was sitting cross legged on a crate, hands in his lap and eyes closed. Mal had never seen Jayne so quiet or still, except on a hunt. For some reason that bothered him a great deal.

He walked closer, not wanting to startle the man. He needn't have bothered. Still a good ten feet away, Mal was frozen in his tracks by Jayne's voice.

"That's close enough, Captain," his voice rumbled. "Whatever you want to say, can be said from there." Mal noticed that Jayne's hand had suddenly drifted down to his side, near his gun. This was all wrong. Jayne should be frothing at the mouth, protesting his treatment. Not calm and collected.

"Jayne, I wanted to apologize for last night," he said, trying to keep his voice calm. "I reckon I stuck my nose in where it wasn't needed, and I hadn't ought to o' done it. I. . ."

"Your apology is accepted, Captain," Jayne's voice drifted across to him. "Will I have duties until we hit Argo, or will I need to pay for passage?"

"About that," Mal said lamely. "I already said I was wrong, Jayne. So there's no need for any o' that. You're still a part o' my crew. I shouldn't have done any of that last night, should have made sure what was happening."

"I don't think that's wise, Captain," Jayne's voice still held that eerie-ass quality to it, Mal noticed, but was now harder. "Sooner or later, you will strike me again, and when you do, I'll kill you." The big man's eyes opened, and Mal was shocked at the depth of violence he saw there. This wasn't the Jayne he knew, Mal suddenly realized.

He might be in trouble, here.

-------------------

River had retreated to Inara's shuttle when she left the bridge. The older woman had welcomed her warmly, and the two had sat in silence for a while, sipping the tea Inara had made. Suddenly River shot up from her seat, eyes wide.

"Fury! Rage! Wolf is loose among the sheep!" She ran from the shuttle, with Inara running after, shouting at River to slow down.

-----------------

"I'd prefer not to do that," Jayne continued, "because then I'd likely be forced to kill Zoe as well, since she will back you right or wrong. It's better I go, I think."

"You ain't got to go, I'm telling ya!" Mal said with more force than he'd intended. Jayne rose slowly from his perch, and Mal noted, absently, how graceful the movement was. Like water, brought to life. The hair on the back of Mal's neck rose.

"Can you promise that you'll never overhear a conversation, take it completely out of context, and hit me again in the future?" Mal looked at the floor. "I thought not," Jayne rumbled. "Nor can I promise not to kill you when you do. There is only one solution to this problem, Captain. One of us must leave. It is your ship. By elimination, I am the one who leaves."

"Dammit, Jayne, I gave you a second chance!" Mal almost yelled. "Don't I deserve the same consideration?" Mal's words, spoken in desperation as his crew crumbled around him, struck home.

Jayne cocked his head to one side, looking at Mal. Mal had seen looks like that before. When hawks had eyed his momma's chickens. The look made his blood run cold. This was a side of Jayne he'd never seen, or even guessed had existed.

"That is true," Jayne suddenly nodded. "Such debts must be honored. Very well, Captain, you are right. I do owe you the same consideration you gave to me. If you wish, I will remain. In my present capacity. We will not speak of this again. So far as I am concerned, it never happened. I will be in my room should you need me."

With that, the entire situation was defused. Jayne walked away as if nothing had happened, leaving Mal standing in the bay, mouth hanging open.

River came rushing into the bay as Jayne left, and stopped short on seeing him. She reached out, never realizing it, and touched his arm. He looked at her, eyes still smoldering, but otherwise calm.

"You did not kill him," she noted. "I was sure that you were about to strike him down. Could feel it rolling of you in waves. So dark. . ." she whispered. "So very dark."

"Don't," he warned her gently. "You got enough troubles without borrowing mine." With that he resumed his trek to his bunk, leaving River shuddering. Inara finally caught up.

"River, what's wrong?" she gasped.

"Nothing," River said, her voice puzzled. "I was so sure. . .I felt Jayne's anger, his decision to kill. Then. . .it was gone. Nothing. Nothing but darkness. I could see nothing but darkness. . ." she trailed off in wonder.

For her part, Inara was thrilled to hear the little pilot using first person speech again. So happy was she that it took a minute for the girl's words to hit home.

"Kill?" she said weakly. "River. . .Mal!" Inara shouted, running toward the bay.

River, already knowing that Mal was unharmed, turned her thoughts to Jayne. She had never felt such darkness before. It had been both frightening and exciting at the same time. It had made her shiver, not with fear or trepidation, but in anticipation.

There really was so much more to Jayne than met the eye.

------------------

The troubles that Mal had started seemed to fade away as if by magic. The fact that Jayne had dismissed the entire affair out of hand had a similar impact on the crew. They figured if Jayne wasn't holding a grudge, they shouldn't either. Add to that the fact that River was back to normal, or what passed for normal, and the crew relaxed.

It didn't escape Simon's notice that River sat as close as possible to Jayne, and that, for once, he wasn't pushing her away. He sighed in acceptance. It was impossible for him to be angry with Jayne, after what the mercenary had done for him. And it was clear as day that this was what _River_ wanted. He wasn't sure about Jayne, but after all he had done for her in the last few months, Simon was certain that Jayne would never harm his sister. For now, that was enough.

Supper that evening was as different from breakfast as night and day. It had started with Mal standing at the head of the table, apologizing to all and sundry, and promising to make a greater effort to 'mind my own gorram business'. He had been forced to suffer through some good natured ribbing, but endured it with a genuine smile. He'd almost lost everything today. The fact that he had managed to save it left him feeling more alive than he had in years.

Yet in the back of his mind, he could still see the look in Jayne's eyes. He flickered a glance at the big man, but the stone killer he had spoken to was nowhere in evidence this evening. It was like he'd flipped a switch, and the good natured Jayne that had become such a presence in recent months was back.

But for how long?

-------------------------

_Oh, just a taste of what's to come. Have you figured it out, yet? We're about two, perhaps three chapters from meeting Jayne's old comrade. I know it's a long, drawn out affair, but I did warn ya, this is a long tale. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to offer comments on this story. I really appreciate it, and your suggestions and compliments have helped me in formulating this story so far.:)_


	13. Chapter 13

Shades of the Past – Chapter Twelve

Argo was a mostly agriculture based planet, typical of a lot of rim moons. Orbiting a larger body, in this case Astra, the moon's primary customer, the people of Argo made their living producing foodstuffs for the larger, mostly industrial planet around which they revolved.

_Serinity_'s hold this trip carried newly developed hybrid seeds for the people of Argo, as well as an experimental fertilizer. It was a heavy load, and a good cargo job. A well paying job at that, with little chance of any type of cross ups. Inara, having left her life as a Companion behind, had turned her contacts and people skills to managing the ship's business. So far, she was doing great.

As River gently lowered _Serenity_ to the ground, Jayne and Mal stood in the cargo bay. Both were at ease, the events of three days ago clearly and firmly put to rest.

"Touchdown, Captain," River's voice floated through the com. Mal reached up and hit the button.

"Good job, Albatross. Zoe, we're a waitin' on ya," he added.

"I'm here, Captain," Zoe announced, coming down the steps into the crowded bay. She eyed Jayne for a second, then turned back to business.

"We ready?" Mal asked. Zoe nodded, and Jayne followed suit. The merc wasn't a walking arsenal the way he usually was, but he was still well armed. Zoe had her carbine, and a small hideout pistol under her vest. Mal relied on his trusty pistol and winning smile. _Might explain why I get shot so much,_ he thought wryly.

"Shiny. Let's go get paid." He hit the ramp door release and the door opened to reveal Argo. He turned to see Kaylee coming into the bay.

"Mei-mei, lock up behind us. I want everyone to stay on board, til we scope things out. Ain't none of us been here before. Don't want us walking into nothing."

"Okay Cap'n," Kaylee smiled. She looked at Jayne, suddenly hitting him lightly on the arm.

"Lighten up, Jayne," she chirped. "Just a cargo run, not a heist." Jayne grinned at the always cheerful girl, and winked.

"Heard that before, lil Kaylee."

Mal, Jayne and Zoe walked down the ramp and started for the nearest building, intent on asking where to find the office. As luck would have it, that very building sported a small sign above the only door, which said 'Business Office'.

"Well, least we ain't gotta go tramping all over the place looking for this Mister Guilford," Mal nodded. "Consider that a good sign." Zoe looked at Jayne who smirked. She returned the look, and the two followed their Captain through the door.

A small, grey haired woman looked up as the three entered, and Jayne could feel the tension roll off of her. _So much for good signs_, he sighed mentally, and instantly took a stance to the side of the door, his back to the wall. Zoe stayed slightly behind Mal, alert as well. She hadn't missed the signs.

"Afternoon, ma'am," Mal said amiably. "I'm Malcolm Reynolds, Captain of the cargo vessel _Serenity_. We have a cargo for you, directed to one Mister Braz Guilford. Would he be about today?" The woman eyed Mal suspiciously for another few seconds, then picked up a phone.

"Sir," she spoke into the phone, never taking her eyes off of the three, "there's a Captain Reynolds out here in the front office, claims to have a cargo for us, for Mister Guilford." Pause. "No, sir." Pause. "Yes, sir. Right away." She placed the phone into it's cradle, and stood.

"Please follow me." Without a pause she started off to the rear of the large front office, toward a door marked 'Manager'. She reached the door, opened it, and stood back, motioning for Mal to got through. Zoe followed, and then Jayne.

"Hello, Captain Reynolds, was it? I'm George Harwell, acting Manager." The man rose from his seat and shook hands with Mal, indicating the seat in front of the desk. "Please sit down. I'm told you have cargo for us?"

"Yes, Mister Harwell, I do," Mal smiled. "Here is the manifest," Mal handed it over, "and the receipt. I'm sure you, or one of your people will want to look over the cargo before signing for it, and paying our wage. We're ready anytime you are."

Harwell studied the invoice a moment, then looked up, nodding.

"Yes, this looks correct. We've been expecting that seed and the fertilizer for some time. I'm glad there was finally enough to send some our way. I'll send my foreman over right now to start unloading. As soon as that's done, I'll get your payment." Mal nodded, smiling.

"Shiny. We wait out front?"

"Would it be possible for your. . .associates to handle the unloading? I've a proposition I'd like to talk over with you while you're here. A shipping deal actually, a run over to Astra for us."

"Sounds fine," Mal nodded, then looked up. "Zoe, you and Jayne take care o' the cargo, whilst I see if I can't reach an understanding with Mister Harwell, here."

"Sir," Zoe nodded, stoic as ever. She and Jayne walked out, leaving Mal and Harwell talking about shipping and produce season. The two were quiet until they got outside, then waited for the foreman.

"That strike you as any kind of strange?" Zoe asked quietly, looking around her.

"Yep," Jayne replied just as softly, also taking in the scene around them. "Something going' on here, and that's fer sure. See the way that ole gal eyed us? Like we was about to shoot the place up or somethin'?"

"I did," Zoe nodded. "Lot's o' people working here, Jayne. Don't see the need for her to be so. . .antsy."

"Me either," the merc agreed. "I can't _see_ anything wrong, mind. But. . ." Jayne's introspection was cut short by the arrival of a tall, barrel chested man with a shock of the reddest hair they'd ever seen.

"You folks off the cargo ship?" he asked. "Name's Toller, Gus Toller," he said when they both nodded. "I'm the foreman. Head us that way, and we'll start unloadin' and get the manifest cleared."

The two shipmates started off down the graveled road between the office and the landing pad, followed by Toller and perhaps a dozen hands. Jayne looked as casual as possible when he eased up beside the first mate and signed, _too many_, to her. She caught the signal and nodded. Reaching into her vest, she pulled her com.

"River, come down to the cargo bay and open up for us, sweetie. Jayne and I are escorting a detail back to off load."

"On the way," River's voice shot back. Jayne grinned. If the toughs behind them started anything, they had a bad surprise coming.

As they approached the ship, the ramp began to lower, revealing River standing in the door. Though wearing her pistol, a present from Jayne, she was otherwise unarmed. And smiling like the nineteen year old girl she usually was.

"Hi, Jayne," she drawled sweetly. "Your favorite _girl_ is glad to see you. Maybe you can get some time to take her behind the work bench," she added, throwing her arms around his waist. Several appreciative murmurs came from the crowd behind him.

"Maybe I will at that, River girl," he smiled back, kissing the top of her head. Damn that girl was smart. She'd laid Vera to hand, just in case. And apparently run Kaylee off as well, since the plucky engineer was nowhere in sight.

"Here you go, Mister Toller," Zoe waved. "Have at it. Here's a copy of the manifest." She handed the papers over with a smile.

"Okay, boys. Loader and truck is on the way, let's start getting these crates off. One at a time, now, and let's call out the numbers as we go." The men nodded and broke into pairs, seemingly practiced at their jobs.

_Maybe it's on the up and up,_ Jayne thought to himself with a mental shrug. He'd rather be wrong anyway. This might be a quiet little job, with the hope of picking up another run in system. Two easy pay days right together would be. . .

His thoughts of easy paydays and quiet jobs melted away with the sound of gunfire in the distance. Jayne bolted immediately behind the work bench behind him, finding Vera and a bandolier of ammunition, which he grabbed. Looking to the catwalk, he saw River stationed there with her own rifle, a 54R he had helped her refinish. She had a commanding position, one that would allow her easy access to the bridge if needed.

Zoe had drawn her carbine as the gunfire echoed across the distance, but the work detail made no moves, other than to cease work and move to the ramp to see what was happening. Toller was the first to react.

"It's Zhang! He's making a run on the plant!"


	14. Chapter 14

Shades of the Past – Chapter Thirteen

_Joss owns it all, right down to the rivets and rust on the good ship Serenity._

------------

Mal waited as Zoe and Jayne left, on their way to collect the foreman, then turned back to Harwell.

"You were saying, Mister Harwell?"

"Yes, well," Harwell started, then stopped. Suddenly his shoulders sagged, his hands dropping to the desk in resignation.

"I may as well tell you, up front, Captain Reynolds, what we are facing here. As I told you, I'm the _acting_ manager. Braz Guilford is my father-in-law. I've been working for him for the last twenty years, started out as a warehouse hand, and worked my way up."

"Braz is a good business man, Captain. He is the only agro supplier on this moon that also buys and ships food products. It's all done here, on the premises. We ship grains, meat, and poultry products, as well as milk and eggs. It's a large and profitable business." He sighed. "Maybe too profitable."

"Jian Zhang is probably the next largest operation in this business here on Argo. Over the last year, Zhang has made an ever increasing attempt to buy-out Braz. The offers weren't really up to the value of the business, but they were. . .impressive. But Braz wasn't interested. _Isn't_ interested, I should say. Firmly refused all offers."

"Unfortunately, Zhang isn't a man to take no for an answer. Ten days ago, Braz was attacked, in broad daylight, right in the center of town. Though the law arrived before he could be fatally injured, he was still badly hurt. And no one seems to know who the attackers were, despite the deed being done in the height of the day, and in such a public place."

"So I take it you and this Zhang now have some hard feelin's?" Mal asked. This could explain the odd behavior in the front office earlier.

"To say the least," Harwell nodded. "Our men are loyal, Captain, but they aren't fighters. Most are simply hard working men, putting food on their families' tables. Since the attack, almost twenty men and women have quit, two of them after twenty years with the company."

"And now, we can't seem to find anyone willing to carry our products for us. Suddenly all the usual cargo ships are either busy, booked, or down for repairs. I think, mostly, they're waiting to see who wins."

"Sounds reasonable," Mal offered in a non-committing way. "Like as not they don't want to be caught between you two."

"Agreed," Harwell nodded. "As a result, we have a serious back-up of ready to ship products. Products that I need to get to Astra as soon as possible."

"I'd like ta help, Mister Harwell," Mal shifted in his seat. "But the truth is, we ain't set up to haul perishables in any size. _Serenity _is a bulk cargo vessel. I don't see as we can help you."

"That's not a problem, I assure you," Harwell replied quickly, a spark of hope in his eyes. "All our products are shipped direct from here to our suppliers in pre-packaged refrigerated crates. Boxes, really. Fully self-contained and maintenance free. All you have to do is take them to our distributor on Astra, and unload them." Harwell leaned forard onto the desk. "And I'll pay you double the normal rate for this haul, and for any subsequent runs you make for us until this issue is. . .settled. I'll also throw in provisioning from our own stocks for your ship. Fresh meat, eggs, you name it."

Mal fought the urge to whistle. Double pay for a short run like that? Good money, no doubting it. And maybe several more to follow. A few weeks like that could keep him and his ship and crew afloat for a while to come. Not to mention the chance to have fresh eatin's along the whole way.

He was about to ask exactly how much 'double' would amount to, when the shots erupted. Harwell was on his feet in a blink, with Mal following. Both headed toward the front of the building to see what the disturbance was.

----------

Mal bit back a groan as he noticed a number of heavily armed men on horseback, several of whom were paying far too much mind to his ship. Beside him, Harwell was cursing quietly.

"Olivia, get on the comm and call the sheriff. Tell him we're under attack!" The scared secretary nodded and began to fumble with the telephone. Mal noticed that three rather large looking men were dismounted, and headed for the office.

"Mister Harwell," he said quietly, drawing his pistol and clearing the safety, "you might want to make that call from another room. I get the feeling this one ain't gonna be hospitable but for a few more seconds. . ." As if proving Mal to be a prophet, the door burst open, and the three walked in as if they owned the place.

"Harwell!" the leader bellowed. "You got five minutes to clear out! Take your whore," the man pointed to the secretary, "with you. You ain't callin' the shots around here no more. As for you," he turned his gaze toward Mal, "the boss passed the word that no one was to ship for this bunch. Now you gonna have to answer for that."

"Well, now," Mal smiled amiably. "Seeing as how I ain't shipping so much 'for' as 'to', I can't see how there's anything to answer for. No one said anything to me 'bout hauling or not, for them or anyone else. And besides that," Mal lifted his pistol quickly, and shot the speaker right through the chest, "I ain't keen on anyone much telling me where I can go, or what I can do."

-------------

"Jayne, we got trouble!" Zoe yelled from the ramp. The mercenary was beside her in an instant, cradling Vera in his arms. He muttered a dampened down curse as he watched twenty armed men heading for the ship. There was no indication they meant to be friendly.

"Might as well cut the odds while we can, Zoe," Jayne offered, looking to her for approval. The First Mate nodded grimly, and she and Jayne leaned out of the bay door.

Only to duck right back in as a hail of gunfire met them. Jayne went right back around, Vera snapping out before him. Three quick shots were enough to kill two of their attackers, and put another down for the count. Jayne pulled back again as more gunshots rang out, and bullets sang and whined off the ships hull.

"This is gonna be rough, Zoe," he said quietly. He looked to the balcony where River stood, still waiting. He smiled briefly, and she returned it. A crazy grin, he thought. She was ready. He turned back to Zoe.

"Want to wait for 'em here? Or try and get to 'em out there?" His question was in no way challenging. He looked to her for orders, nothing more. She was in charge.

"Can't see either way being better than the next," Zoe admitted after a moment's thought. "They outnumber us six-to-one, counting River, and they got plenty of places to wait for us to come out. We got too many blind spots from here." Jayne nodded in understanding. He looked back to River, and his hands flashed briefly. She nodded, and ran to the upper airlock. Jayne turned again to Zoe.

"River's gonna narrow the odds a little, if that's okay?" Zoe nodded, in no way angry with Jayne's actions. They needed every edge they could get. Next, Jayne reached up to the com.

"Inara, are you on the bridge?"

"Yes, Jayne, I am," Inara's voice was calm. After all they had been through, it would take more than a little gunfire to rattle her over much.

"Think you can lift off, maybe fifteen, twenty feet? Then hover, and rotate the ship slowly?"

"I can," Inara replied firmly. She had been learning to pilot the ship over the past months. She wasn't as good as River, but she was more than capable of doing what Jayne asked. The merc looked to Zoe.

"I gotta idea, Zoe, if'n you approve. Let her lift like I said, and I'll take position here. As we rotate, it'll allow both me and River a chance to take out these _hundans_ without exposing ourselves to every rifle they got." Zoe might have considered the idea for all of five seconds before nodding.

"Do it. I'll get these guys away from the ramp, and make sure we're all under cover." As she moved to do just that, Jayne hit the com again.

"Okay, Inara," he said. "Like I said, maybe twenty feet or so, and then turn us slow-like. River?"

"Yes, Jayne?" River's voice came back at once.

"I'm gonna start trying to pick these guys off as we turn. You stay where y'are, and do likewise. 'Tween the two of us, we oughta be able to cut the odds to somethin' more survivable. _Dong Ma?_"

"Sounds like a plan," he could hear River grinning over the com. He smiled at that. Girl had grit, and he liked that.

Serenity rumbled as the engines fired, and the ship shuddered slightly, tilting off the ground. True to her word, Inara lifted the vessel perfectly off the ground. When it was stable at twenty-two feet, she commed.

"Ready when you are, Jayne." Jayne set himself, belly down, on the still open ramp, still just inside the ship. Satisfied, he nodded, and called back to Inara.

"Slowly now, Inara. Whenever you're ready. Keep us in a slow turn until we holler." The ship began to turn slowly to the right. As it did, several of the attacking thugs came into view, and Jayne began firing, his mind barely registering the firing of River's rifle as well.

-------------------

Mal ducked after his first shot, and just in time, as the speaker's friends returned fire. Muttering under his breath, Mal suddenly leaned around the counter and shot a second man, this one in the leg. It wouldn't incapacitate him, but it would distract him some. As he fell to the floor with a shout, the third man got off a round at Mal's retreating head, showering the ship captain with splinters.

Harwell and his secretary had crawled into his office, and probably behind the desk. He could hear faint murmuring, and not a little cursing, from the room, and assumed that the plant manager was calling for the local law.

Moving quickly to the other end of the long counter, Mal tried to see around it, looking for the third gunman. This one was smarter than the other two, he realized with a grimace. He was neither firing blindly, nor yelling, to give away his position. He was patient. Not good.

Mal risked a peek over the counter, and ducked again as a bullet tore a furrow into the wood before him. Definitely not good. Scrambling around the end of the counter, Mal took a deep breath, then lunged out into the open area between the counter and the door.

His assailant hadn't expected that. The gunman was crouching by the door, eyeing the counter carefully, his gun still aimed at the last place he had seen his prey. As Mal appeared on his flank, the startled shooter tried to bring his gun to bear. But Mal was quicker, and single shot to the head ended the fight.

Mal hurried to the one he had shot in the leg, kicking the downed man's gun away from his hand. The gunfire outside was starting to ease off, and Mal chanced a look into the yard. He was startled to see _Serenity_ hovering a few feet off the ground. Then he realized that the upper airlock was open, and a slight figure appeared momentarily, firing a rifle.

The cargo bay came into view, and Mal could see Jayne lying on the floor at the ramp. Just as Mal had decided that the merc had been shot, he saw Jayne shift his stance, and fire. He smiled. His crew were doing just fine without him. He turned his attention back to the man on the floor.

"Seems to me," he drawled casually, "we got some things to talk over."


	15. Stormy Weather

Shades of the Past – Chapter Fourteen – Chance Encounter

_Not mine in any way. Just playing. Please don't sue, no money changing hands._

------------------

The fight didn't last long once Jayne and River started shooting. As the cargo ship turned in place, the two gun hands methodically picked off attacker after attacker. Finally, their numbers slowly dwindling, the remainder, six in all, fled.

After one final turn to make sure the danger was dealt with, Inara settled _Serenity_ onto the pad once more. Jayne eased out of the cargo door, and began to check the downed enemy fighters. As he had expected, none had survived.

He also noticed the workers starting to stir again. Several, caught out in the open when the attack began, had been cut down, and their co-workers were scrambling to assist them. Jayne took his comm from his belt.

"Zoe, looks clear. Might tell Doc there's several casualties among the workers. Might be able to lend a hand."

"On it," came Zoe's brief reply. Jayne turned as the work crew boiled out of the ship. Several went to assist their comrades, while the rest started to unload the ship. That was for Zoe to look after, though. Jayne stood guard outside.

"We make a good team," River's voice came from behind. He nodded without turning.

"That we do, little bit," he said. "You do good work."

"So do you, Jayne," she told him, coming to his side. "We are well matched." Jayne fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"Think this is the best place for a conversation like that, River?" he asked, though not at all unkindly. She frowned.

"There _is_ no good place to try and make you see reason," the girl told him bluntly. "There is no good time to talk to you, as you always seem to find something that simply _must_ be done, right away. I am tired of this game."

"It's a game, then," Jayne asked, turning serious. She started at his response.

"No!" she replied immediately. "Not what I meant at all! My intentions are quite serious, as you should know by now. I meant that I tire of _your_ game, Jayne. I know you like what you see, when you look at me. You find me desirable, as I do you. Avoiding that is pointless, and un-necessary." Jayne looked down at her for a moment, then surprised her by nodding.

"You're right, I do like what I see," he admitted, and her eyes went wide. She had known it, of course, but his admission was. . .she felt her heart flutter, just a bit.

"You're about as perfect as any woman could be, so far as I'm concerned." She blushed prettily at that.

"Thing is, River," he went on, voice serious, "I been thinking on things for a while now. 'Bout how it'd be to have someone in my life permanent like. But I'm. . .well, I'm afraid, if I'm going to be honest. I got enemies, baby girl. And I don't mean the people we meet working for Mal," he added with a laugh.

"Those enemies will never stop looking for me, River. Anyone I take up with on a permanent basis, will be targets for them as come after me. It's. . .too much to risk, that's all. Much as I might like the idea, it ain't fair to expose someone to my past."

"Think I can take care of myself," River said quietly. "You've made sure of that. And you will be there to watch over me." She looked up at him, her face drawn up in serious contemplation. "Have to let me make my own choices, Jayne. Not a girl anymore."

_Dammit, why did she have to be so perfect,_ he thought.

"She can't help it," River grinned wickedly, having read his thoughts.

"No fair, peekin'," Jayne admonished with a grin. "Best check in with Zoe, see what's doin'. I'll keep watch out here until the off loadin' is finished.

With a sigh of exasperation, River turned and trudged up the ramp. But inside she was smiling. Jayne was starting to crack. It was only a matter of time.

---------

"We have our own clinic here, Captain," Harwell told Mal, when offered the services of _Serenity's_ sick bay and doctor. "Your doctor would be very helpful to our nurse, I'm sure. Thank you."

"I'll call right now, and get him over here. Once things settle down, we'll talk business." Harwell looked back at Mal in near shock.

"You mean, after _this_ you're still interested?" His surprise was evident. Mal laughed.

"What, this?" he said. "It'll take more than this to stop my crew." Harwell looked out at the bodies of dead raiders piled around the ship. For the first time in weeks, he felt hope.

"So I see, Captain. I'll make it worth your while, I assure you."

"Never doubted it," Mal nodded, then raised his comm to call the ship.

---------

"Jayne," Zoe called. "Captain wants Simon over at the company clinic to help out. You and River take him over there."

"Sure both of us should go, Zoe?" Jayne asked, frowning. "Leave you and Inara awfully vulnerable."

"Offloading is finished," Zoe pointed to the bay. "Once you go, I'll lock down tight. I don't want Simon left alone. He'll be busy, too busy to watch his back. The two of you can manage that, and be available if the Captain needs you. Plus, if we come under attack again, you two will be out there, 'stead of cooped up in here."

"Makes sense," Jayne nodded. "Guess that's why you get the big money," he grinned. Zoe rolled her eyes at that, but couldn't fight off the grin his remarks kindled.

"Get Simon and go already," she mock growled, and Jayne left, returning her grin as he did. Zoe shook her head ruefully, and resumed her watch on the door.

----------

Mal followed Harwell into the company infirmary, where Mal was surprised to

see a very professional setup. Harwell noted his look.

"Agriculture is a dangerous occupation, Captain," Harwell noted. "Good many machinery accidents, and such. We provide care for the surrounding area as well. We have a well stocked infirmary, and a full time nurse. Doctor comes from town every two weeks or so, or in an emergency."

"Quite a set-up," Mal observed. "Looks like you people are ready for most anything." Harwell nodded, then waved to a woman in a lad coat.

"Our Nurse," he explained. "Captain Reynolds, this is. . ."

"Malcolm Reynolds!" the woman almost shouted, raising a blood covered hand to remove her mask. Tall, slender, and dark complected, she was almost stunningly beautiful. Mal's shock was replaced by genuine pleasure.

"Ami! Ami Weathers! What in the world!" Mal embraced the woman heartily. Amelia Weathers had been a nurse in the Independent Army, and had treated Mal's wounds more than once.

"I could say the same, Sarge," Ami chuckled. "Last person I ever expected to see out here." She hugged him back, a smile on her face at seeing her old friend.

"Well, we work for your boss," Mal nodded to Harwell. "Least for a while. We ain't worked out the details."

"Your handiwork, I take it?" she indicated the scene outside, though it wasn't visible from where they were.

"Just in the way," Mal shrugged. "You know how it is."

"Ami, Captain Reynolds has a doctor aboard his vessel, and has offered his services," Harwell interrupted.

"Good," the nurse turned business like. "Thanks, Mal. We have a couple of serious cases. I already sent for the doctor in town, but it may be some time before he arrives."

"Simon can take up any slack," Mal assured her. "In fact, here he comes now." Ami turned to see two men and a woman entering the hospital area. The studious dark haired man had to be the doctor. The looming man to his left would be muscle, she knew, but the slight, short woman with the wicked looking rifle was a shock. Could she really use that rifle, Weathers wondered?

"Simon, this is Amelia Weathers, old friend of mine," Mal told Simon. "She's the company nurse. Said there are a couple of serious wounds, needs a doctor's touch. Amelia this is Simon, our ship's doctor. Our pilot, River, and this is our guardian, Jayne." Ami nodded to each in turn. When she looked at the one called Jayne, she was startled by the paleness of his face.

"Stormy?"

-------------

Ami's face went white at that. No one had called her that in years. No one should even know that name. She looked closely at the huge man in front of her, taking in his rugged appearance. Strong jawline. When her gaze reached his eyes, she gasped. Deep, piercing, cobalt pools looked back at her. Eyes that she knew as well as her own.

"Sh. . .Shade?" her voice quivered. She reached up carefully to caress the rugged jaw, missing the withering look from the pilot altogether. "Shade is that really you, under all that?"

"Stormy," Jayne whispered, shock registering in his voice and on his face. He looked as if he had seen a ghost.

"Shade, look at you," Ami whispered in awe. "So big and tall," she added. "All grown up." Suddenly she collapsed into Jayne's chest, sobbing. Jayne enveloped her in his arms without a thought.

Mal looked on in wonder. How in the hell had Ami known Jayne? And what was it she called him? Shade?

"I thought you were dead," Ami sobbed, hugging the larger man tight. "I never heard from you again, and no one I've seen from. . .then, knew anything about you."

"I thought the same about you," Jayne said quietly. "When you. . .after the transport blew, I never heard. . .no one ever said. . ." he finally gave up. He closed his eyes, and Mal and Simon were shocked, no, _stunned_, to see tears falling from his closed eyes.

"Ami," Harwell said softly. "I hate to. . ." Weathers straightened, wiping her eyes.

"No, no," she nodded. "There are injured people to see to. Doctor, if you will follow me, I'll show you were the worst cases are." She led Simon away, but glanced back more than once at the mercenary.

"I have to talk with the law, Captain," Harwell said, "and check on my people, then my operation. We'll talk later today, if that's alright?" Mal nodded absently, still in shock at the fact that Jayne and Ami Weathers knew each other. Really well, if their greeting was any indication.

Thinking about that caused Mal to glance at River. The smaller woman hadn't moved, or spoken. The look of hurt on her face was enough to break Mal's heart.

He was about to say something when Jayne turned and left. Walked out the door without a word. River stayed, reeling with sorrow and disappointment.

-------------

There had been several casualties, but only three had been truly serious. A chest wound, and two stomach wounds. Simon worked for hours on those three, while Weathers had treated the minor wounds herself. It was obvious that she'd treated gunshots before. Her hands were quick and smooth, her actions those that spoke not just of training, but experience.

Once the wounded were seen to, she had thanked Simon for his assistance, and then fled. Simon watched her go, wondering how she had held together long enough to treat the others, and then assist him with the three serious wounds.

Suddenly all that had happened dawned on him. He hadn't even looked at River, to see how she'd responded to Jayne and Amelia being. . .close. He looked frantically around the infirmary, relaxing as he saw River sitting in a chair near the door. He walked over and collapsed into a chair beside her.

"How are you, _mei-mei?_" he asked softly. She looked at him.

"I'm fine, Simon," she answered. "Tired, but uninjured." Simon frowned. He'd already known that. She was so distracted that she had forgotten it.

"River. . ." he started, but she stopped him with a raised hand.

"Don't, Simon," she told him forcefully. "There is no need. I cannot compete with someone like. . ._her_."

"You know that for sure?" Simon asked. "We don't even know how they know each other, River. Maybe you shouldn't jump to conclusions." She considered that.

In her wait for Simon to finish, River had contemplated her situation. Her first inclination had been to simply walk away. One she discarded before it was completely formed. No, she would not give up.

But the nurse, '_that woman_' was all River thought of her as, was everything she, River, was not. Tall, slenderly athletic, dark and beautiful. Her beauty would rival even that of Inara. While River knew she was pretty, she was also honest enough to know that she wouldn't compare well with 'her'.

Jayne had left without speaking to anyone. She had reached out tentatively, seeking him out. While she could sense him, the blocks in his mind were solid, and she could not glean from him anything other than shock. He had clearly believed the woman dead.

Since she was not, where did that leave her? River?

"You may be correct, Simon," River nodded thoughtfully. "I will wait, reserve further judgement until I know more." With that she had risen from the chair and walked outside. Simon watched her go with apprehension.

He didn't want to see her hurt. But he couldn't blame this on Jayne. He had shown little interest in River, and none until she had began pursuing him. He wanted to be angry with Kaylee and Inara for encouraging her, assisting her, but that wasn't fair either.

River was a grown woman, much as he hated, _hated,_ to admit it. She'd soon be twenty years old. She was entitled to live her life. He would watch, and be there to help if she needed it. But, he promised himself, he wouldn't interfere. Difficult as he might find it.

He stood, and went to gather his tools and equipment.


	16. Explanations

Shades of the Past – Chapter Fifteen

_Must give Joss et.al their due, all Firefly and Serenity stuff belongs to them. Only the mistakes are mine:)_

_-------------------------_

Amelia Weathers emerged from her room after cleaning up. Most of the wounds

had been slight, but bloody none the less. She wanted to be presentable when she saw Shade. Or Jayne.

_Shade_. The name rolled through her mind. She hadn't thought of him in a long time, convinced he was gone forever. Left to die somewhere on some nameless moon, what he had wanted, the last time she had seen him.

Something had changed him, somewhere. He wasn't the same half-wild boy she had known. He was taller, stronger, and more reserved. He had cut his hair! She would have known him at once with that long braid, but the short, military style haircut was so out of place on the man that the boy had become.

He looked so much older. Her heart ached at the lines around his face. He was too young to have known the pain that caused those lines. They all had been. But Shade most of all.

She found herself stalling for time, when she had intended to rush right out and find him. What should she say? What was there to say, really? It had been nearly ten years since he'd thought she died aboard an outbound transport. Since she had accepted that he was gone, had finally found that 'one' he was seeking.

The one who would be faster. Deadlier. Better than Shade. She shook her head at that.

_There's no one, anywhere, better than Shade._

"Ami?" She started at hearing her name, and turned to find Malcolm Reynolds looking at her. "You okay?"

"No," she said quietly. "No, I'm not. But that's nothing new. Where is Sh. . ._Jayne?_" she asked, catching herself. "I'd like to speak with him."

"He's about, somewhere," Mal replied. "Likely on the prowl for any signs of a new attack, knowing him."

"Yes," she nodded absently. "He always watched."

"Ami, I don't mean to pry," Mal said, though he did, "but I. . .I gotta be curious how it is that you know my merc."

"Merc?" she asked. "Is that what he's become, now?" Somehow she was disappointed. She'd never imagined Shade working as a gun for hire.

"Well, he was," Mal admitted with a shrug. "Like to think he's found a home with us now. Ain't sure, but he seems inclined to stick with us."

"He would never abandon his family," she told Mal. "If you treat him right, he'll fight to the death for you."

"How would you be knowing that?" Mal asked carefully.

"I've known Sha. . ._Jayne,_ since the second year of the war," Ami replied bluntly. "Longer than I've known you, in fact. Jayne and I served together, before I became a nurse."

"_Served together_?" Mal didn't quite screech. "He told me flat out that he never fought for either side, the lying _hun dan_!" Despite his best intentions, Mal was furious at that. Ami's next words put his fire out immediately.

"Those were our orders," she told him softly. "No one was to ever know. He was still following orders, after all this time."

"And why is that?" Mal demanded. His anger was squelched, but his curiosity was aroused, now more than ever. Ami looked at Mal, a sad smile on her face.

"Mal, I won't tell you that," she said at last. "If he wants you to know, he'll tell you. But, a word of advise? If he doesn't want to tell you, leave it lie."

"He's part of my crew!" Mal shot back. "I deserve to know!"

"No, you don't," she whispered, walking away, leaving Mal to ponder that.

----------------------

She found him outside, nearly hidden among the pallets in the yard. She doubted

anyone else could have found him. He looked up as she approached, and a lazy smile flitted across his features.

"_Jie Mei,"_ he said. "Come to visit?"

"_Xiao Xiong," _she replied, instantly transported ten years and more into the past.

---------------------

_Stormy looked up from her dinner to see a tall, slender kid standing just outside the light of her fire. She hadn't seen him come up, and had no idea how long he had been there._

_He was raw-boned, and wild looking. His hair hung in a single braid, ending near his belt. His face bore signs of paint. She realized with a jolt that he wasn't a soldier. Had somehow made his way into their camp un-noticed._

"_Who are you?" she asked warily. He was armed only with a bow and knife so far as she could see, but that meant nothing these days._

"_I am called Ironhorse," the kid replied, nonchalant. _

"_I'm Stormy," she replied. "Wanna sit?" she motioned to another chair near the fire. He regarded her carefully._

"_You need have no fear," he told her plainly. "I mean you no harm. Nor your fellows. I wish to fight them," he waved his hand toward the Alliance lines, "and you are in my way. I will pass through, and be gone." He started on his way again._

"_Wait a minute," Stormy ordered. Ironhorse stopped, and turned cold eyes on her. Bottomless eyes of blue fire. She resisted the urge to take a step back. This. . .boy, was a killer. The hair on her neck rose slightly at the realization._

"_You can't just go wandering through a military camp like this! For all we know, you're here to spy on us, and report back to the Alliance!"_

"_I spy for no one," he informed her quietly. "Especially the Alliance. As I said, I go to kill them, and your camp is between me and my prey."_

"_Your prey?" she blurted. _

"_Yes." He offered no explanation._

"_Look, I understand you don't like the Alliance, but you still can't go waltzing through a military encampment. A sentry sees you, and he'll shoot you."_

"_No one will see me," he said simply. She found herself believing it. He had made it this far un-noticed. She hadn't even seen him approach her fire. Didn't know how long he had been standing there, even. He could have kept going and she'd never have known he had been there. The thought scared her. And intrigued her a little._

"_You wanted me to see you," she said, a statement rather than a question. He studied her carefully, then shrugged._

"_You reminded me of someone," was all he offered. His stillness was beginning to damage her calm._

"_Why don't you sit down, then," she asked again. When he hesitated, she smiled._

"_The Alliance will still be there tomorrow, Ironhorse," she told him. "And likely the day after, and the week after. You got time to sit with me, and talk."_

_She didn't know it, yet, but Stormy Weathers had found her greatest friend. A kid, of all things. _

_------------------_

Hey, Stormy." Shade's voice drifted through the haze in her mind, and she turned to him. "Where was ya?" he asked with a smile.

"Thinking about a campfire discussion," she admitted with a grin. His smile grew larger.

"Figures," he snorted. "You always was one to ponder," he added.

"What happened to you, Shade?" she asked plainly. He regarded her for a moment, then shrugged.

"War ended," he said finally. "No where to go, no family left. No. . ." he stopped. "I took to the black, Stormy. Hired on as a gunhand for a shifty freighter. Took jobs that let me keep huntin'."

"War's over, Shade," she told him gently. "Got to move on."

"I ain't fightin' a war, Storm," he admitted. "And, truth be told, I ain't even huntin' him anymore. Ain't got the inclination. Found me a good job, nice folks, and figure to stay. If I don't wind up killing the Captain, that is."

"Mal?" she lifted her eyebrows. "Figured you and him'd get along like brigands, Shade. Peas in a pod."

"He's weak," Shade/Jayne replied at once. "Leaves too many live enemies behind him."

Ami nodded at that. Shade abhorred weakness. In himself, and others.

"He's not a bad man, Shade. . ._Jayne,_" she added suddenly. "How'd you get that name, anyway." He shrugged.

"J-a-y-n-e C-o-b-b. You work it out." Ami worked through the letters with a frown, her face creasing in pain as she realized where the name had come from.

"Oh, Shade," she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him close. "I'm so sorry. I never even thought. . ."

"No problem," he assured her, returning his embrace. "Long time ago, now. Water under the bridge, and all that." She sat up.

"Mal wants to know," was all she said. He nodded.

"Figured that would happen, after I got over the shock of seeing you alive. How'd that come to be, anyway?"

"Got bumped," she shrugged. "Some fancy officer, a Colonel I think, decided it was more important that he get off the rock than it was for me to live."

"Hundan," Jayne growled.

"Hey, I owe him," she laughed, punching her adopted brother on the arm. "Wasn't for him, I'd be space dust." He laughed.

"Hadn't thought about that."

"Thought about what you're gonna do?" she asked, getting back on track. "Mal's gonna want to know."

"I suppose I may as well tell him," he shrugged. "What's the point in hiding it anymore? He ain't gonna like it, I expect. Probably loose my job," he grinned.

"I can guarantee that, after today, George will hire you in a second for security around here," she laughed. "I'll put it a good word for you."

"Well, here he comes," Jayne nodded to where Mal was walking across the yard, heading for Serenity. "Come with me?" he asked hopefully.

"You know it."

_-------------------_

Mal watched the two walking toward him, noting the ease of their. . . relationship? They were holding hands, which might be taken to mean any number of things. Then he saw Ami reach up and slug Jayne on the arm. He feigned being hurt, then grinned as she called him 'you big baby'.

"Mal," Jayne nodded as they walked up. "Stormy says you wanna know something."

"I want to know why you never told me you was in the war," Mal said quietly. "More's the point, why you told me a flat out lie, saying you wasn't."

"That all?" Jayne asked, and Mal's temper threatened to boil.

"Dammit, Jayne!" he shouted, and immediately regretted it as Amelia flinched. "Jayne," he went on quieter, "we, as in all of us on this ship, we deserve to know what you been hidin' from us."

"Okay," Jayne nodded. "You want me to tell you, and you them, or want me to tell everybody at once? I'm only gonna go through it once." Mal was caught off guard by Jayne's agreement, having expected more resistance. He glanced at Ami, who smiled faintly. She must'a talked Jayne into it.

"You got a preference?" Mal asked.

"Not 'specially," Jayne shook his head. "All one or the other to me."

"Let's get aboard then," Mal waved. "Might's well tell us all at once."

--------------------------

The crew gathered in the galley at Mal's order. River stiffened noticeably when she saw 'her', but took her seat. A glance at Jayne showed his tension, and fear fluttered within her. She tried to read him, but found nothing there but black.

"Jayne's got some'at he wants us to know," Mal informed them, after everyone was seated. "Better listen close, as he says he ain't gonna go over it again." With that he sat down. Surprised the crew looked to Jayne. He stood, walking to the end of the table where everyone could see him.

"Time you knew the truth about me," he said quietly. "My name ain't Jayne, first off, nor Cobb either. My name is Ironhorse. Sean, Michael, Ironhorse. I'm twenty-eight years old, soon be twenty-nine."

"I told you all I wasn't in the war," he continued, ignoring the murmurs around him. "That was a lie. My orders were not too, and I just kept following 'em, even after the war was over." He looked suddenly to Ami, who nodded her encouragement.

"I belonged to a special operations unit called the Banshees," he told them. Mal and Zoe exchanged looks of astonishment, while the others looked baffled.

"I'm a half breed Yaquay, born and raised on Tokala, son of Bow-bender Ironhorse, of the Cuchillo de Muertos. As far as I know, I am the last of my kind. The last of my clan in existence."

The silence in the room was palpable. No one wanted to speak. No one knew what to say.

"Anything else?" he turned to Mal. Mal shook his head, face red as he realized he'd once again stuck his nose where it had no business.

Jayne nodded to Ami, then turned and walked away, heading for his bunk. The crew watched him depart, then all eyes turned to Ami.

She knew Shade's nod to her was his tacit approval to answer their questions. She decided that she would. For two reasons.

First, it was time her adopted little brother stopped living a lie. It was time to for him to live again, live the life denied him by the war.

And second, she thought with a stab of pride, it was time this crew learned what kind of man they had living among them. How glad they should be that they had someone like him to watch over them.

Looking at the table, she slowly began to speak.


	17. Shade

Shades of the Past – Chapter Sixteen

_Just a reminder, Joss Whedon et al own all the rights to FF/BDM. Just hanging out an having fun with them._

_--------------------_

"When Shade was fourteen," Ami told the crew, "he went on what the Yaquay call the 'raising' ceremony. Young boys who had completed a series of tests and challenges were deemed ready to be raised to the status of warrior, or manhood. It was a very important time in a boy's life. The chance to prove he was worthy of respect."

"The ceremony included the boy venturing into the wilds, alone, with only his knife. And not just any knife, but one the boy had made for himself from either stone, or the bone of an animal he had killed himself."

"The boy must survive for ten days in the wild, with no help of any kind, and return to the village center with no one seeing him get there. Most fail on their first or even second attempt."

"But when Shade returned, his village was gone. A smoking ruin, his people dead. His family slaughtered, mother and sisters raped, then left over a fire. His father and brothers shot to rags." Exclamations spread around the table. Kaylee started to cry, and Inara wiped at her eyes carefully. Zoe was stone faced.

"The Alliance had a special operations unit called the Scorpions. They did things like this on the rim moons to 'bleed' their troops. They called it training. Shade found a patch from one of their uniforms." She faltered for a moment, recalling the night he had admitted all this to her, months after their meeting.

"Shade buried his people, alone," she continued. "Took him days to do it. Men from other clans in the area offered to help, but he turned them away. It was his responsibility, he said. His burden. His gift. . .gift to his people," she choked out around a sob.

"When he finished, he made his way to the spaceport, and stowed away on an outbound freighter, which took him to Wilhaven. There he managed to get onto one of our transports, and rode to Aurora. Right in the middle of the battle."

"Once he was there, he melted away, and started killing Alliance soldiers."

"Catching them in the open, or in town, I expect," Mal said into the silence. Ami smiled sadly.

"No. None of that for Shade," she told them. "No, Shade went into Alliance camps, and killed soldiers where they felt safest. At first he killed the sentries, and then faded away into the night. But that wasn't enough of a challenge." She smiled again at the memories of the half-wild boy.

"So he began to sneak further into the camps. He started killing them in their tents, cutting the throat of one, and leaving the other. Seeking out their officers, and killing them." She looked up sharply. "He was very, _very_, good at it. A fourteen year old boy became a killing machine. Ruthless, uncaring, and more deadly than you can possibly imagine."

"He moved like silk in a breeze. Fluid, graceful, never a wasted motion. I would be willing to say that most of the people he killed, never knew he was there. He moved through their camps as easily as they did."

"When he was fifteen, he wound up on Rubella," she went on. "That's where I met him. We were dug in along a river valley, trying to hold out against six-to-one odds. I and some of my teammates had been sent there to help even the odds." Mal and Zoe hissed at that. They had never known she was anything but a nurse. She smiled ruefully.

"Yes, I was a Banshee as well. A team leader. My men and I were assassins for the most part, slipping in and out of enemy lines, killing officers and essential personnel, getting whatever information we could for our side. We were good at it, too."

"One night I look up, and there's this. . ._kid_, standing near my fire. Just watching me. I never saw him walk up, never knew how long he'd been standing there."

"Jayne?" Inara asked quietly, and Ami nodded.

"He was moving through our camp, he said, because we were between him and his 'prey'. Odd word for a kid, I thought at the time." She laughed without humor.

"I took him into my team," Ami smiled. "Figured he was sure to get himself killed, unless someone looked after him. Turns out, Shade didn't need any looking after. We did." Her face clouded, remembering a long night many years in her past.

"It was maybe two years after Rubella, when my team was sent to Newhall, to support General Gaius. He was trying to hold onto to the munitions complex, and keep the army supplied. He wasn't badly outnumbered, but defending the complex kept too many of his troops tied down for him to be able to engage the Alliance in the open. We were supposed to chisel at their numbers, and try and kill their moral."

"My team and I split up one night, penetrating the lines in two places. Shade had disappeared as soon as we hit the dark. No one could ever find him if he didn't want them too," she grinned. "Anyway, things went very bad for us. A team only has ten members, and we were two short to start with, including the kid."

"My section was ambushed as soon as we got there," she continued. "My mates were cut down, and I took a round in the leg. They were on us so fast, they had to know we were coming." She looked to Mal and Zoe. "You know what the Alliance did to Banshees who were captured?" she asked. Mal and Zoe looked at the table. It was Zoe who managed an answer.

"Just rumors," she mumbled. Ami laughed harshly.

"Whatever you heard, it isn't bad enough, I promise," the nurse assured them. "They would usually try and get information at first. But Banshees were usually crucified when captured." Simon gave a startled gasp.

"That's. . ."

"Cruel? Yes," Ami nodded, tears in her eyes. "When they got me to their camp, the other team was already on crosses.They'd been cut on for hours, turns out. Just enough to draw blood, and cause pain. Never enough to let you bleed out."

"I don't know how long I hung there," she was crying freely now. "Then, all of sudden, I was being lowered to the ground, and Shade had me. He took us all down, and then carried me and the only other survivor back to our lines. I don't know to this day how he managed it. He was just a boy, fifteen years old. But he did it."

"We lay in the aid station for a while, then we were sent back to a field hospital. I honestly don't know how we survived. It was terrible. Never enough meds, especially pain meds. I've never suffered like that in my life."

"Shade showed up three days later. He had a slash on his jaw, and was bleeding from a half dozen wounds. He walked up to my bed, and laid a necklace beside me." She stopped, wiping her eyes. Simon, ever the gentleman, gave her his handkerchief. She smiled her thanks, and wiped her eyes.

"When I woke up again, he was gone. The necklace was made of ears. Shade had gone back that night, and put four Alliance officers, the ones who tortured us, on the same crosses we had been hung on. I can't imagine how he managed it. Over the next three days, he stayed in their camp, killing soldiers at random, spreading fear all over their camp."

"I was due to ship out, for more surgery and some rehab. I was bumped at the last minute by a REMF, and Shade never knew that. He saw the transport I was supposed to be on blown out of the sky."

Inara was weeping openly now, and Kaylee had long since been reduced to blubbering. Even Zoe was looking misty eyed. Simon's face was ashen, and Mal's was red.

And River was trembling. Ami's emotions were so strong the little reader couldn't block them out. She had stopped trying to hold her tears in.

"Shade was the closest thing I had to family," Ami went on. "And I was all the family he had too. We told people we had adopted each other," she laughed. "I hate to think what went through his mind when that ship went up," she added sadly.

"I never heard from him, of course. He believed I was dead. I heard _about_ him, though. After. . .after the ship was shot down, he went a little. . .off. He took to working alone, and never was assigned to another unit. He would be requested when the jobs were the worst, or the most dangerous, because he never, _ever_, failed."

"I did that to him," she almost wailed, looking down at the table. "I should never have taken into my unit. If I hadn't. . ."

"He'd have done it anyway," River said softly. "You couldn't have stopped him."

"Maybe not," she admitted "But I'm still the one who put him where he was."

"You gave him family," River told her, lip trembling. "Gave him that which was lost. Can't be sorry for that." River patted 'her' arm, now having trouble disliking her. If any two people deserved happiness, it was 'her' and Jayne.

"So what's next for you and Jayne?" Inara asked quietly. "I mean. . ."

"Well, it's a shock to see him alive," Ami admitted. "Like finding a long lost sibling. Which is basically what he is. I never knew if he was dead or alive. I always assumed dead. I asked him once, when he went off by himself, what he was looking for. He said he was looking for two people." Her eyes grew misty as she remembered his answer.

"The man who killed his family, and the man good enough to kill him."

_------------------_

The talk around the table continued as the crew asked questions, and Ami tried to answer them. Finally, Zoe asked the one she'd been dreading.

"How in the world did he come up with the name 'Jayne Cobb'," she asked no one in particular.

"Jason, Annabelle, Yance, Nevil, Erica, Charlotte, Olivia, Brenda, Bowbender," Ami recited slowly. The talk had died away as she recited the names. She looked up into the silence. "His family." she explained.

"Carries them with him," River said softly. "Never alone." Ami smiled at her.

"I suppose," she nodded. "I just found that out today, by the way," she added to the rest of the crew. "I asked the same question, Zoe."

"Least you got an answer," Mal mumbled, earning him glares from around the table. Ami sighed.

"Mal, I warned you," she told him, voice brittle. "And I'll do it again, because I like you so much. Don't. Push. Shade. He has a habit of pushing back. Hard and permanent. I know, from what he's told me, he's happy here. Considers it home. If you give him time, and room, he will probably tell you everything there is to know. If you crowd him?" she trailed off. "Well, your funeral, I guess," she finished with a shrug.

"I can handle Jayne," Mal shot back. "Have before."

"You can handle _Jayne_," Ami shot back with a harsh laugh. "You've never _met_ Shade. Pray you don't. Ever." Her words brooked no arguement.

River though wasn't paying attention to all that. Several facts had fallen into place for her while she listened to Ami's tale. One, she and Jayne, _Sean_, had never been romantically involved. Two, he was nowhere near as old as everyone assumed, less than ten years older than she was! And three, Ami didn't consider Jayne, _Shade_, a candidate for a romantic relationship. She looked to him as a sibling, nothing more.

All in all, River was glad she had sat through the pain and anguish she had endured to hear the story.

_----------------------------------------_

_Okay, now we know about Jayne. But don't stop reading yet! There's much more to come. Like I warned, long story. Serious angst ahead, and Shade may yet meet the man he's looked for for so long. Stay tuned!_


	18. New Job

Shades of the Past – Chapter Seventeen

_Just a reminder that Joss, Fox, Mutant Enemy etc etc, own the rights to all this. If I owned them, the show would still be running! Well, it might be, anyway:)_

--------------------

The crew finally began to break up for the evening. It had been a very long day, and everyone was tired. Zoe left first, followed closely by Simon and Kaylee saying goodnight and heading off to Simon's bunk.

Mal tentatively offered Inara his arm, and after a brief hesitation, she took it.

"Ami, you can stay here if you want," Mal offered, but Ami shook her head.

"I need to get back," she said, rising. "Several people still in the infirmary, and my assistant will be due to go home soon."

"Need someone to walk you back?" Mal asked. Ami shot him a withering look.

"I can take care of myself, Mal," she snorted. "But thanks." Mal nodded, and he and Inara left, heading to her shuttle. Leaving Ami and River alone at the table. The older woman turned suddenly to the younger.

"Something on your mind, River?" she asked, a not quite grin flitting across her beautiful face. River started, having still been deep in thought over the day's events.

"Why do you ask?" she said, more to cover herself than anything.

"Well," Ami drawled, "I noticed that you seemed a bit. . .anxious around me, at least at first. I also can't help but notice that you've relaxed a bit while we were talking. And," she added mischievously, "you were paying a lot more attention to Shade than you really had too."

River felt her face burning, and lowered her head to hide it. Ami chuckled softly, not in a malicious way.

"He _is_ a good looking boy, _man_, I should say. I can't get used to him being all grown up. There's nothing wrong with what you're feeling." River looked up at her.

"How do you know what I'm feeling?" she asked pointedly.

"It's written all over your face, sweetie," Ami said with a smile. "And I made you. . .uneasy, I guess is a good way to say it. Let me put your mind at ease, okay? I don't know what Shade feels for you, but there is nothing like that between he and I, okay? There never was. He was a kid when I met him. I'm several years older than he is, and besides, I meant what I said. He and I? We're like brother and sister, or at least we were."

"But now?" River asked.

"Now what?" Ami asked her. "Now it's different? No," she shook her head. "I love him dearly, River, and there hasn't been day in my life I haven't missed him. He saved my life. We cried on each other's shoulder. We told each other our worst fears, our darkest secrets, shared each other's pain, joy, and misery. More than one night we shared our blankets, but to keep each other warm, nothing else." She smiled at good memories, letting them overpower the bad ones.

"Shade is very special, River," Ami went on. "More than you probably realize. But there's a darkness in him, too. A place in his mind where no one else is allowed. Just thinking about what can happen, what he's capable off, makes me shiver. I'll never be afraid of him, I know he loves me as much as I love him. But he is capable of more violence than you can possibly imagine. And I know none of you have seen it, or I wouldn't have had to sit here and tell you about him."

River's smirk died on her face as Ami's words hit home. She'd felt that darkness, trying to read Jayne. The darkness that blocked her out as surely as a wall. When she touched it, she shivered. So dark. Like her. Maybe that was what attracted her to Jayne after all. Like minds, kindred spirits. The lurking darkness, coiled like a spring, always ready to roar forth.

"He is a dangerous man," River nodded.

"That he is," Ami agreed. "But a good one, too, sweetie. A very good one. I don't know another man, anywhere, who would have come into an enemy camp and risked our fate to rescue us. I. . .I can't imagine the courage it took. Or maybe it was something else. I don't know of anything he ever feared. Including death."

"Reavers," River whispered.

"That might be it," Ami nodded. "I don't like to think of Shade being a Reaver. He's bad enough as it is," she laughed lightly, prodding a smile from River.

"River," Ami said, turning serious. "He's a good man, but he's. . .wild, at heart. If you manage to snare him, don't try and tame him. You can't. You'll have to accept him as he is."

"Don't want him tame," River was just as serious. "Have my own darkness, as well. Jayne and I are more alike than you can possibly imagine. His darkness calls to mine. Alpha male, Alpha female. We belong together," she finished firmly. River was more sure of that now than ever.

"Maybe you do," regarding the younger woman intently. "For his sake, and for yours, I hope you're right. I'd like to see him happy, his past laid firmly to rest." She paused, chewing on her lip.

"Once, when we were just laying around the fire, Shade talked about what his future would have been like, if not for the Alliance. He would have been elevated to manhood, and chosen a wife. They would have had a family, and he would have worked the land his family owned." She looked down at River. "I think that dream is gone for good, though. He's been away from it for too long. But that doesn't mean that he doesn't still need a. . ." she trailed off.

"Mate?" River offered, eyebrows arching in amusement.

"Well, yes," Ami stammered, caught off guard by the younger woman's choice of words. "Shade would think of it like that. Once he said 'I do', he would. It would be forever. That's the only way he knows. And I think all he's capable off."

River nodded, having known that herself. Ami rose.

"Well, I'm off to the infirmary," she said. "Want to let me out?" River nodded and stood.

"I'm glad we had the opportunity to talk," she told the older woman. "I promise you, I'll take good care of him," she said seriously. Ami laughed lightly.

"I said the same thing myself, River," she told her. "Turns out, he took good care of _me_."

"He's good at that."

------------------

The next morning the crew was assembled at the table, with Mal doling out everyone's cut from the job. When he finished, he shared Harwell's offer.

"It'll mean fresh food, and good pay," he concluded. "But we saw yesterday that the situation around here ain't stable, to say the least. But, because most other ships ain't wanting to be involved, it gives us a chance to make some serious cashy money, and eat high on the hog while we do it. We'll need to be careful, but that ain't nothing new for us." He paused.

"This is a chance for us to land a maybe lucrative permanent job o' sorts, and even put down some roots. Even once the current troubles are past, Harwell assured me that we'd get first dibs on later runs, as a nod for helping him out of a jam. I gotta say, it's invitin'. I'm tired of running, and looking over my shoulder. This could be a good place for us."

The crew looked at each other, shock in their eyes. Settle? Roots? Steady work? Real food?

"I'm game," Kaylee chirped, cheerful as usual. Simon nodded.

"Whatever Kaylee says," was his only comment. She beamed at him.

"I like the idea of being somewhere the Alliance ain't," Zoe nodded. "At least not often. The other stuff is icing."

"I think it's a great idea, if we can manage to keep this Zhang from damaging us," Inara offered. "It sounds like the opportunity of a lifetime."

Mal looked to Jayne and River, the only two yet to speak.

"Jayne?" he asked. Jayne looked up, and shrugged.

"You're the Captain. Do what you think is best, I'm with ya," was all he said. Mal had to work to hide his shock at that. River nodded.

"Jayne speaks for me, as well." Jayne started at that, as did Simon. Mal just looked at her.

"Well," he said after he recovered. "It's settled then. I'll go and tell Harwell, and we'll get started. Kaylee, we good?"

"Yep, Cap'n," the engineer nodded confidently. "All set."

"We'll need fuel once we reach Astra," River informed him. "With trouble in the offing, we may need full burn."

"Right, we'll see to it. Alright then, let's get her ready to fly. Zoe, you're with me. Jayne, I want you to take station outside. Don't want anymore surprises from this Zhang fella. Everyone else you got jobs to do, so get to'em."

"I'd like to accompany you and Zoe," Simon said. "I can check on the people in the company infirmary while you talk to Harwell."

"Okay, get your duffel and we'll go. I don't want anyone, _anyone_, off the ship alone. And when anyone's off ship, it's with me, Jayne, or Zoe. Everyone got that? Kaylee? Albatross?"

"Yes Cap'n," both girls sang in unison. Mal groaned.

"Knew it was a bad idea for you two to bunk together."

-------------------

Jayne had taken up a spot just a short ways from the ship, where he kept an eye out for approaching trouble. He had scouted the area the day before, after the attack, and knew there were only two directions a serious attack could come from. He was settled where he could watch, and cover, both with equal ease.

He had wanted to go over to the infirmary and see Stormy, but knew that he was needed here. He was still a little shocked at finding her alive after all these years believing her dead. He had been pleasantly surprised at how easy they fell back into their old relationship, her the guiding older sibling, he the wilder younger one. He grinned at the thought, reminded of their past.

------------------

"_Dammit, kid!" Stormy bellowed in anger. "You can't keep just sneakin' off like that! Like to give me heart failure!"_

"_Didn't sneak," Shade had replied. "Just left."_

"_Why?" Stormy demanded. "And where did you go?"_

"_Alliance patrol," Shade had replied, pointing in the direction of their left flank. "Saw them entering the woods."_

"_We need to warn the sergeant of the guard," Stormy said at once, anger forgotten._

"_Why?" Shade looked at her quizzically._

"_So they can be on the look out for the patrol!" Stormy growled, exasperated._

"_They're not going to be coming," Shade told her plaintively. "Won't be going back either," he added, tossing a small sack to her feet, and walking away._

_The sack contained ten sets of ears, along with all the papers, nametags and unit patches from the patrol. Stormy sorted through the stuff, looking up in wonder._

"_Did you. . ." but Shade wasn't there. Big surprise._

_With a grin, she gathered the things, sans the ears, and headed for the command tent. Shaking her head as she. . ."_

"Jayne!" River's voice jolted him from his flashback. He looked around to find

the tiny assassin standing next to him, hand on his shoulder.

"Huh? Something wrong, River?" he asked, startled that he had let himself drift away like that.

"Was going to ask you that," she answered, looking at him closely. "Odd to see you distracted when on the job."

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Lot's happening, last few days. Some of it catching up I guess. Won't happen again." She shrugged, as if it made no difference.

"Quite a story last night," she offered after a minute of silence.

"I guess," he refused to look at her, watching the roads instead.

"Explains a great deal about Jayne," River continued. "Why he is, what he was. Where he comes from."

"Everyone comes from somewhere, River," he pointed out.

"Yes, but until last night, no one knew where you came from. You get mail from your mother, yet she is departed."

"Long story," he growled.

"We have time," River said, settling in beside him.

_I wish she wasn't so close_, he thought.

"Like being close," River said seriously. "Makes me feel warm. Safe." He turned to look at her, and was surprised by the honesty lurking in her eyes.

"I make you feel safe?" he asked, knocking back the urge to laugh. "You took out a room full of reavers, and I make you feel safe?"

"Yes," she said simply. "More to fear in life than reavers, Jayne."

"'Spose that's true," he nodded. "I send the mail," he offered suddenly. "Drop the packages off on one moon, so they'll be on the next one in the future. Makes people think my family is still alive."

"Because people hunt you." It was a statement, not a question, but he nodded.

"Yes, because people hunt me. Hunt _for _me, I should say."

"Why?"

_Dammit_, he thought again, _why is she so interested?_

"Because you are interesting, and I am interested in you," she answered. He shook his head in resignation. No good thought goes unpunished.

"Not punishing you," River giggled. "Learning. Learning about you."

"Why don't you just read it, then," he grumbled. He was growing uncomfortable.

"Can't. Darkness is too strong, blocks me out. When ever I get to that point, there is nothing but darkness. And pain," she added softly.

"Reason for that," he told her pointedly. "Ain't no place for you to be, anyway." He turned toward her before she could object.

"I know you think you're as bad, but you ain't," he said forcefully. "What you did, can do, was forced on you by others. I _chose_ my way, River. Deliberately set out to be what I was. Stormy. . ." he broke off a minute, as if unsure whether he should continue.

"Stormy used to tell me that I was letting the past choose my future. She's pretty smart, so I 'spect she's right. I did that. Told myself it didn't matter, no way. I was alone, the last of my people. Nothing would change that."

"Don't let it choose your future now," River said softly. "Make your own choices. Just like me." Suddenly she leaned into him, and kissed him. Before he could react, she was gone, flying back to the ship.

"Gorramit," he said under his breath. He resumed his watch, but now his lips tasted like jasmine. He'd always liked jasmine.


	19. New Rules

Shades of the Past – Chapter Eighteen

_Always the disclaimers; own nothing, love everything, wish it was still around :)_

----------------------

Once the deal was struck, the loading was quick. Toller was back with his crew, and they made short work of loading the refrigerated crates into _Serenity's_ hold. Mal and Zoe made sure the cargo was secure, while Jayne continued his watch outside, and River plotted their course to Astra.

Shortly after lunchtime, they lifted off. It was a three day trip to Astra. While happy to have steady, legal work, the crew was anxious, knowing that the problem with Zhang would now include them.

But the money was good, and the food better, so they buckled down to their jobs, and went about the business of making _Serenity_ work.

---------------------------

Inara answered the knock at her shuttle door, honestly expecting River. She had seen the younger woman talking with Jayne earlier, then run back to the ship. At first she had assumed that Jayne had managed to hurt the girl's feelings, but when River had passed Inara on the way to the bridge, she was flushed, and happy looking.

Inara had smiled, and promised herself to speak to her at the first private moment, if she didn't come to tell her about it, as she usually did.

Thus she was caught by surprise to find Jayne at her door.

"Hello, Jayne," she smiled. "What can I do for you?"

"I was wanting to use your cortex for a minute, if I could," Jayne told her. "Need to look at some things, and I'd. . .well, bridge gets awful crowded when you're trying to do something." He looked a little abashed.

_Hmmm, _she thought. _Looking for something for someone, maybe? River perhaps?_

"Of course, Jayne," Inara opened the door wider. "Help yourself. I was just on my way to make us some lunch, now that we're underway." Jayne nodded his thanks, and moved to the cockpit of the shuttle. Inara watched him go with a smile, then headed for the kitchen.

Jayne activated the cortex, and began searching through an Astra directory. He wasn't familiar with the planet at all, so he'd have to find what he wanted the hard way.

While he searched, he pondered on River. She never quit, which he had to admire. It made things difficult for him, though. She was, if he was honest with himself, everything a man like him could want in a woman. Strong, intelligent, a fighter. And that didn't even take into account how pretty she was. How _beautiful_ she was, he corrected himself.

And he had been thinking on his future, like he had told Mal. Book's advice on that score had been good. And Stormy had mentioned it to him as well. But he wasn't good for River. Or for any woman for that matter. His troubles from the past could catch up to him at any time, and when they did, people would get hurt. Probably get dead.

More than his desire to keep River, or anyone else, from getting hurt because of him, was the desire not to be hurt again, himself. He'd lost too much, too many times. He wasn't sure his sanity could stand another loss. The cortex search program beeped then, telling him that his items had been found.

Putting aside his thoughts, he started looking at his options.

Inara was in the kitchen when River wandered in.

"Hello, River," Inara said with a smile. "How are you?"

"Hungry," the smaller woman admitted.

"I'm fixing us some lunch," Inara told her. "This ham looked so inviting, I decided we could have sandwiches. It's so nice to have real food for a change," she sighed in contentment. River nodded.

"Makes a nice break from protein."

"Sure does. By the way, I saw you talking to Jayne earlier, before you came running through the ship with your face on fire. Anything wrong?"

"Kissed him," River blurted, her face reddening. "Just did it. No thought in it. Instinct."

"How did he respond?" Inara asked, fighting the urge to giggle.

"Don't know," River admitted sheepishly. "Ran away." Now Inara did giggle.

"Well, it's a start," she pointed out.

"Resolve crumbling," River nodded. "Matter of time. Chances of success now exceed ninety-nine percent. Variable are still present, but manageable." Inara resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"Well, I'm glad things are working out," she said instead. River looked up mischievously.

"What about you and Captain Daddy?" Inara's hand slipped at that, and she almost cut herself. She glared at River, but there was no force behind it.

"Can't hide it," River giggled.

"We're feeling our way," Inara admitted, then flushed when River broke out laughing. "That's _not_ what I meant," Inara scowled, then burst out laughing herself.

"What's so funny?" Mal asked, walking into a giggling fit.

"Just talking about things," Inara said.

"Men," River added, always direct. "How slow they can be. How blind they are to what's right in front of them." Inara concentrated on finishing her meal preparations, more to hide her increasing flush than anything else.

Is that right?" Mal said with an amused look on his face. "And who is it that's ignoring what's right in front of them, Albatross?"

"You, for one," River answered at once, then turned and walked toward the bridge. "Let me know when lunch is ready?" she called over her shoulder to Inara.

"I will," Inara assured her, smiling to herself.

"Me?" Mal said, more to himself than anyone else. "What am I missing?"

"You have no idea," Inara told him, and her husky voice and sultry look made Mal need to sit down, his knees suddenly weak.

"Inara," he said quietly. "I know I'm a fool sometime. Okay more than sometimes," he amended at her raised eyebrow. "But I'm an honest fool."

"I don't do things with the intent to make a mess, it just. . .happens."

"It _happens_, Mal, because you don't think before you speak. Or act," Inara pointed out. "You lash out when you're hurt, or scared, or nervous, with no thought to the pain you cause to those around you." Her gaze softened suddenly.

"There's no one on this boat who is here against their will," she told him. "We all want to be here. We all know you are the Captain, and the owner. There really is no need for you to continually remind us all of that. You have a good ship, and a loyal crew. You might take that into consideration before you goad any one else into revealing a part of their past they want to keep hidden away."

"How'd you know. . ."

"I know you, Mal," Inara replied. "You never talk about the war you fought, yet all but forced Jayne to do so. Do you see the fairness in that? Jayne isn't here because of his own bunk and bigger cut. Not anymore. Nor, I fear, is he the simple minded idiot we all took him for. I think he's been 'dumbing down' all this time,"

"It's true he hasn't much education, and we all now why, now. But he is _extremely_ intelligent. So much so that he's avoided the Alliance all these years without any formal training, and a rudimentary educational background. An idiot, couldn't have done all that."

"I ain't saying he ain't smart," Mal said defensively. "Fact is, I ain't talking about him at all. I was talking about me. And you." Inara froze for an instant, then continued her work, hoping he hadn't noticed.

"I. . .I wanted to take this job for one more reason than I let on, earlier," Mal said. "I been thinking about a lot of things, Inara, but none so much as you. I know I ain't perfect, far from it. But. . .but I think. . .that is I know, I _know_, I love you."

Inara gasped before she could stop herself. She turned to look at Mal, surprised to see the effort it had taken for him to say it.

"Do you mean that, Mal?" she asked softly. "I mean _really_ mean it?"

"I'm thinking I'd not said it if I didn't," Mal nodded. "I ain't saying as how things can or will work out, mind," he warned her. "But. . .well, I'd like for us to try, Inara. I'd like that more than just about anything in the whole 'verse. If'n you're willin' o' course," he hastened to add, seeing the look on her face.

Inara looked at him for a long time. So long in fact that Mal was beginning to squirm a little, like a worm on a hook. She smiled at the image, and Mal saw it, and smiled back.

"There will be rules," Inara said suddenly, killing Mal's smile. She snorted delicately. "I mean it, Mal. There are things you have said to me, done to me, that I won't put up with anymore. No matter how much I love you." Mal's face lifted some at that little admission.

"No calling me a whore, ever again," Inara pointed at him. "Not even an ex-whore. Those things hurt me. I don't care why you said them," she raised her hand to forestall his defense. "It doesn't matter. If you ever use the word to me, or about me, ever again, I'm gone. _Dong Ma_?" Mal nodded.

"No entering my shuttle without knocking. Ever." Mal once again started to object, but she cut him off. "I mean that Mal. If I can't trust you to respect my privacy, I can't trust you to respect me, either. I don't mind you coming to me anytime you want to, but you knock, first." Mal nodded in sullen agreement.

"And you keep that jealous streak under control. If you can't trust me, you don't need to be around me. With me. As long as we're together, we're _together_. Just you, and me. I won't try to change your life, and you don't try and change me. I've given up enough for you Mal, that you should be happy. I gave up the very thing I worked my whole life for. No matter what you think of being a Companion, it was my life, a good life, and I left it for you. In fact just in hopes of you. And me."

Mal was _really _scowling now. He knew everything she said was true, but that didn't make it any easier. Inara would always know people from that time in her life, and this was her way of telling him she wouldn't ignore them just to protect his feelings. She had accepted the fact that he was a sometimes thief, he would have to accept that she was an ex-Companion. And that she knew people, just like he did.

"Alright," he nodded after a moment. "Ain't saying it'll be easy, but I never had anything worth having that was." Just as he was about to take her in his arms, Jayne appeared from Inara's shuttle.

"I'm done, Inara," he said, not realizing what he had walked in on. "Thanks again for letting me. . ."

"What in the hell were you doing in her shuttle?" Mal roared. Inara jumped back at that, and Jayne just blinked in confusion.

"I was using her cortex," Jayne said finally.

"Since when is the bridge cortex not good enough?" Mal demanded hotly.

"Since I needed some privacy, Captain," Jayne replied calmly. "Too many people looking over my shoulder. And Inara's been teachin' me. . ."

"Teaching you what?" Mal's voice was grating now, and he looked to Inara with fury in his eyes.

"To read, Captain," Jayne answered, voice still calm. "And to behave better in public, so I ain't always a pain in your ass when you take me somewhere."

Mal looked like a fish out of water, gasping for air. He looked back and forth from Jayne to Inara. Jayne. Inara.

"To read," he mumbled.

"Well, she loans me books, and a dictionary, and I work through them myself. But she's been teaching me ett. . .etc. . ." Jayne trailed off in frustration, looking to Inara for help.

"Etiquette, Jayne," Inara smiled. "It's call etiquette."

"Yeah, that," Jayne nodded. "I told her I was tired of always being the one to make things bad by not knowing how to act, and asked her to help me. Her being a lady and all, and trained in how to be respectable and such." He shrugged.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, Jayne," Mal said, sitting back down. "Had no right."

"Sure you did," Jayne said at once. "I was coming outta Inara's shuttle. But you oughta know, she'd never do anything like what you were thinking." With that he turned away, heading for his bunk. Mal sat still, not knowing what to do.

"Can we consider this a failed test run?" he looked up at Inara hopefully. Despite her determination to be mad, Inara couldn't help but laugh.

"I think so," she nodded, and reached out to Mal.

------------------

_Poor Mal. He just can't seem to keep that mouth muzzled can he? Lol. Lots more still in store, and another storm coming, so stay tuned. I want to thank everyone who had taken the time to read and comment on my work. It means a lot to me:)_


	20. Chapter 20

Shade of the Past – Chapter Nineteen

_Don't own any of them. Ain't no money involved, it's just fun:)_

---------------------

The trip to Astra was uneventful, much to the relief of everyone. Mal had honestly expected an attempt to be made on the ship. The fact that it hadn't been was a comfort, but left him restless. Nothing said an attempt wouldn't be made here.

As the cargo was being off loaded, and a shipment of several empty refer crates waiting to be loaded for the trip back, Mal was watching from the catwalk. Zoe was on the cargo bay floor, supervising. He jumped when a hand fell onto his shoulder. He turned to find Jayne behind him.

"I'm gonna make you wear a bell or somethin'," Mal muttered. "On the ship anyway." Jayne laughed.

"Sorry, Captain," he said, his voice showing his humor. "I'll walk louder next time."

"You do that," Mal nodded. "I take it you want something?"

"Want to borrow Inara, River, Kaylee and Simon for a while," Jayne nodded. Mal's eyebrow's rose.

"For what?"

"Got something for'em," Jayne said cryptically. "Surprise. Shouldn't take long. Might even be back 'fore the fueling's complete."

"What kinda surprise," Mal demanded. Jayne chuckled.

"Wouldn't be a surprise, if I told anyone."

"I'm not anyone, I'm the Captain. You want to take my crew, you tell me why."

"Ordered some armor for'em," Jayne relented, finally. "Need to take'em to be fitted. Maybe look into getting the girl something extra, too. Might be a sure enough fight 'fore this is over."

"Armor?" Mal was stunned. "I ain't got the coin. . ."

"I already paid for it," Jayne assured him. "Half, anyway."

"Where'd you get that kinda coin, Jayne?" Mal's eyes narrowed.

"Saved it," Jayne said at once. "Rich relative left it too me, what's the difference. Now, can we go? Longer we wait, longer to get back," he added pointedly. Mal looked at him a moment longer, weighing his options. He'd been intending on getting River some armor, anyway, just hadn't gotten round to it.

"Fine, go," he said brusquely, waving his hand. "Just be back 'fore dark. I want to get back, and loaded again quick as we can." Jayne nodded and set off. Mal watched him go, shaking his head in wonder.

What had happened to the days when the only surprise from Jayne was when he didn't do something stupid?

-------------------

"Jayne, where is it we're going?" Inara asked for the third time. She was behind him, with Kaylee and Simon behind her. River, as always, was right beside Jayne.

"Told ya, it's a surprise," Jayne said over his shoulder to avoid the scowl he knew Inara was wearing. "Here we are, now," he added, seeing the sign he'd been searching for.

"A gun store?" Inara and Simon said almost together. "You brought us to a gun store, Jayne?" Inara asked, plainly annoyed.

"I did, now come on. We got a lot to do, and Cap'n wants us back 'fore dark."

Without another word, he opened the door and went in, River in his wake. Inara sighed heavily and followed. Kaylee dragged Simon through the door, ignoring his sputtering.

"May I help you?" a young woman asked, eyeing Jayne almost hungrily. River growled softly from beside him, but the sound carried. The woman looked at the clearly possessive, younger woman, arms crossed, and the withering look on her face, and wiped the look from her own.

"Name's Cobb," Jayne said, smothering the urge to chuckle. "I believe we have an appointment?"

"Oh, yes. You called a couple of days ago about the PBA. Are these the intended wearer's? she asked.

"They are," he nodded, pushing River forward. "Her first, we got other things to do. And we're in a bit of a rush, ship's headed out again soon."

"Of course, Mister Cobb," she nodded, and looked to River. "Would you come with me, miss? We'll just get you fitted." River followed, sulking. Jayne turned to the others.

"What are PBA's?" Inara asked.

"Body armor," Jayne said simply. "All of you are gettin' fitted for body armor. And anytime we're on the ground, I want you wearin' it. This whole thing is. . .it just feels wrong. We done been hit once on the ground. Have ta expect it again."

"Mal's getting us body armor?" Inara asked. "Isn't that expensive?" Jayne considered telling them that Mal was, indeed the one paying, but knew Mal'd give it away anyway.

"No, I am," he answered finally. "All of you need it. No arguing," he added, looking pointedly at Simon. "I mean it Doc. You may wind up going to and from their infirmary, and such like. You as like to get hit as the rest of us." Simon considered that for a moment, then nodded.

"Thank you, Jayne. I'll wear it," he said quietly.

"Where'd you get the money for all this, Jayne?" Kaylee asked, wide-eyed.

"Don't worry 'bout that," he said, shaking his head. "I ain't stole nothing, it's honest money. And I mean for all of you to have armor, and _wear it_. Dong Ma?"

They all nodded, a little shocked at Jayne's intensity. Any other comments were cut short as River emerged, looking a bit more bulky than she had when she entered. She was still sulking, Jayne noticed with a mental chuckle.

"It's the best we can do, Mister Cobb, at her height," the clerk apologized. "As your order indicated, however, we took her measure, and will order a custom-made set for her. It should be here in two weeks, baring complications."

"That's fine," Jayne nodded. "I'll let you fit the rest while the two of us shop a bit. Thank you for your services," he added, and Inara smiled. Jayne was coming along nicely.

"C'mon, River," Jayne said to the girl, placing his hand to her lower back. "Let's go shopping." They left the others to the mercy of the clerk, and started for the weapons racks.

-----------------------

"What's your problem, little bit," Jayne asked as they neared the racks of long guns.

"That woman," River snarled. "Looking at you like that." Jayne almost laughed, until he realized she was serious.

"Why's that bother you, River. Looking don't hurt anything." River looked at him with a piercing gaze.

"She wants what I want, and she can't have it," River said plainly. "She looks at you like a piece of meat, not like someone who would love you always." Jayne blinked hard at that.

"River," he started.

"Don't," River raised a hand to stop him. "Don't want to hear it. I am patient, and I am resigned to waiting. But I won't stand by and let someone like. . ._her_, distract you, either."

"She ain't distracting me, River," Jayne said softly. "She can look all she wants, but I ain't interested." He shrugged. "Now that we got that worked out, you need new weapons."

"Present armament is adequate, and functional," River pointed out.

"And all second hand, except for the pistol I gave you," Jayne shot back. "I want you to have new weapons, weapons that are yours, and no one else's. Weapons you can depend on when your life, or mine, is on the line. You like the rifle, fine, I get that. But you need more, and better weapons. And work clothes. And you're gettin' 'em."

"So quit stalling, and start looking. We ain't leaving here till _I'm_ satisfied that you're properly equipped. Don't wanna lose you cause something didn't work."

Jayne might as well have told River he loved her. She smiled brightly, encouraged by his concern.

"Yes, Jayne," she said in a small voice, reveling in the fact that Jayne felt the need to protect her, and wanted to keep her safe.

He was definitely losing his resolve. And she _was_ patient.

-----------

Mal was pacing along the ramp, looking at the fading light. He had told Jayne to be back before dark. Where were they? He paced some more.

He and Inara were slowly getting better acquainted. He again wondered why he had avoided her before. Other than being stubborn, he admitted. And why was he so stubborn? He wanted her, he was honest enough to admit that. She was beautiful, yes. But more than that, she was so. . .graceful, so delicate. Yet strong, he added. And had courage to spare, as well.

So what was his problem? Had to be that she had been a Companion. To her it wasn't a big deal, yet he seemed to be unable to get around it. So, she was a Companion. Wasn't like he'd never visited a lady of the evening. Not like Jayne had, of course, and not in a long while. Still, what's fair for one, is fair for both.

He still didn't know if things might work out between them, of course. Anything could happen. Still, it was something he was hopeful for, and he. . .

He felt the impact of the bullet before he heard he sound of the gunshot. His leg felt like it had been struck by a hover mule. He fell to the cargo bay floor, forcing himself to lie still. He didn't know where the shot had come from, or how many were out there.

"Sir?" Zoe's voice crackled across his personal comm, and he was glad he'd kept it on, and turned low. He eased his hand to the transmit button.

"Takin' fire, Zo'," he gasped. "Don't know where from. I'm hit in the leg and playin' 'possum. Make your way down to the catwalk, but then stay there, case I need cover. And call Jayne, let him know."

"I heard ya Mal," Jayne's voice whispered back. "We was close enough to hear the shot. Me and River are working our way toward the ship. Others are safe. Give us a minute and we'll sort it out."

Mal didn't answer, but was glad to hear the big man's voice. He lay still, waiting.

-------------------------

"There," River said quietly, pointing to an old shack on the edge of the landing area.

"Sure?" Jayne asked. She gave him a withering 'boob' look, and he smirked. "Right, then. Stay here, make sure you can get back to the others if they need you. I'm gonna pay this guy a visit." Before she could object he was gone. Like he had simply disappeared. She could still _feel_ him, knew he was moving. But she couldn't see him, or any sign that he'd been there.

She settled back to wait. Her man was very good at this.

-------------------

Jayne eased up to the shack, looking at it from a short distance. He could just make out a slim rifle barrel sticking out of the front window, resting on a sandbag. He knew the man was waiting for another member of the crew to try and reach Mal.

Fury boiling inside him, Jayne moved silently to the door of the shack. He used caution, knowing there could be more than one person inside. Just because there was only one rifle visible didn't mean one person. Or even one shooter. River had assured him there was only one, but it never hurt to be careful.

From the door he moved rearward, to the back of the small building, and found what he wanted. A small hole allowing him to see inside. He placed his eye to the knothole, and peered though it.

Inside, settled on a crate, was one man, aiming down the scope on his rifle. He seemed oblivious to his surroundings, which Jayne wouldn't take for granted.

Jayne moved back to the door, drawing his knife. He found a large rock, which he took in his off hand, and threw over the building. It bounced off the tin roof, and, Jayne hoped, drew the attention of the shooter. With a wrench at the door, he was on his feet, and inside.

The man had turned at the sound of the rock, but his reflexes were fast. He whipped back around, trying to bring his rifle to bear. Jayne caught the barrel in his free hand, felt the heat as a round went through the barrel. Using the rifle to pull his target's hands aside, Jayne plunged his knife home, just below the sternum. The man looked at him in shocked surprise as blood burbled from his lips.

Jayne lowered the man to the ground, then removed the knife and slit the sniper's throat. He removed his comm.

"Sniper's down," he said tersely. "All clear Cap'n. River, you best head back and collect the others, let Simon see to the Cap'n. I'll be along, soon's I take care of this."

"Moving," River replied.

Mal sighed in relief at the sound of Jayne's voice. So nice to have good help. At that thought, Zoe was by him.

"Sir?"

"Zoe, I been shot."

"I can see that, sir," Zoe nodded.

"_Again_," he stressed.

"You do seem to make a habit of that, sir," his first mate replied with a straight face. "Think you can walk?"

"If you help me up, I think I can manage." Zoe placed her arms under his, and between her assistance and his good leg managed to get to his feet. Zoe stayed by his side.

"Thanks, Zoe," he gasped. "Floor was gettin' tiresome."

"Does look uncomfortable, sir."

"What say we head to the infirmary. Doc's on his way."

The two made their way slowly to the infirmary, which is where everyone found them. Simon quickly ran everyone off and looked to the wound.

"This isn't too bad," he muttered, working quickly and surely.

"I guess if it ain't _your_ leg you might could see it that way," Mal said crossly.

"I meant the damage wasn't bad. Judging by the look of it, I'd say this was a large round, and it just grazed you. Had it impacted, the damage could have been serious."

"I'm _bleedin'_," Mal whined. "Ain't that serious enough?"

"You might have been. . ." Simon broke off as he worked. "Might have been more seriously injured. As in no leg, or at least lacking the use of it."

"Oh," Mal said, quieter. "Well, why'nt you say that to start with?" Mal leaned back and stopped complaining. Simon rolled his eyes in resignation.

By the time Jayne had seen to the would-be killer and returned to the ship, Mal was up complaining.

Loudly.

"What part of 'back before dark', wasn't I clear about?"

"We would'a been back if it hadn't been for the shooter," Jayne pointed out.

"We wouldn'a even _been_ here _for_ the shooter, if'n you had made it back on time."

"Fueling," River pointed out, earning her a glare from Mal.

"That ain't the point," Mal grumbled. "I told you. . ."

"And we would have been," Inara interjected. "Mal, Jayne did something very nice for us today, and I haven't even heard you say thank you."

"He didn't get me nothing," Mal muttered.

"Yes he did," Inara smirked, holding out a small package for him. Mal eyed the box suspiciously, as if it might bite, or explode. Kaylee handed a similar package to Zoe, who took her's without comment.

Mal opened the box in his hands, revealing a small but powerful pistol. Zoe's box contained one identical to his. Both looked stunned.

"Saw you lookin' at them in that shop back on Persephone," Jayne shrugged when they looked up in surprise.

"Thank you, Jayne," Zoe said softly. "I really appreciate this." Her box had included a soft leather shoulder holster. Mal's had one designed to fit into his boot, or his belt.

"I don't know what to say, Jayne," Mal looked at his hired gun.

"Well, I actually got it for Simon," Jayne said straight faced. "He was complaining 'bout how you get shot all the time, and I thought a back-up might help with that, so I. . ."

"And _whose fault is that?_" Mal screeched, only to be drowned out by laughter from the rest of the crew. Mal glared at everyone around the lounge, but there was no heart in it. He finally succumbed to the sound of laughter, and smiled himself.

Life could be worse, he thought, listening to his crew bantering back and forth. It could always be worse.


	21. Company Coming

Shades of the Past – Chapter Twenty

_Don't own it, just playing, don't sue, please:)_

-------------------------------

_Serenity _lifted into the night, fully fueled and cargo on board. River guided the ship gracefully into atmo, and then into the black, on a heading back to Argo.

Watchful eyes followed the ship until it was out of sight, then made a short comm call. His job done, the watcher walked slowly away.

----------------------------

"Captain, we appear to have company."

Mal limped to the bridge at River's call. He'd been afraid of something like this, one of the reasons he'd decided to depart in the dark. He had hoped that would throw off anyone waiting for them. Apparently it hadn't worked.

"What've we got, Albatross?" he asked when he reached the bridge.

"Looks like one ship," she pointed to the scanner screen. "They're trying to shadow us," she added.

"Feel'em?" he asked.

"Some," she nodded. "Waiting for something."

"Any idea what?" She shook her head. Mal considered for a moment, then paled. He grabbed the mike from overhead.

"Jayne! Upper airlock, and hurry! Zoe, you too!" He turned to River. "Got any ideas?"

"Has to be outside," she whispered. "Couldn't have made it inside, except for the cargo bay while we were off loading, or loading." Mal grabbed the mike again.

"Kaylee, Simon, Cargo bay! I'll be there in a minute!" He replaced the mike and headed off the bridge. "Keep an eye on'em, Albatross. Call me if anything changes."

Jayne was on the hull, EVA, looking for anything that didn't belong. Mal, Zoe, Simon and Kaylee were doing likewise in the cargo bay. They all jumped when Jayne's voice came over the comm.

"Mal, I think I found it." His voice was tense. "There's a grey box attached to the hull, just below the fuel intake. Looks like it's attached by magnet. One red light on the near end, and what looks like a readout panel on the far. Nothing showing on that."

"Jayne," Kaylee was on the comm, "look real careful where the box touches the hull. See if there's any sign of a wire, like a ground wire, or maybe looks even like a loose one. But don't touch it!"

"Yeah," Jayne called back after two minutes. "There's a wire almost the same color as the hull, looks like it runs right into the ship. I can see sealant, or epoxy or something on it." Kaylee nodded, though she knew Jayne couldn't see her.

""Right Jayne, now listen. That wire is a failsafe, most like. They may have the bomb on a timer, or maybe it's set to be activated by transmission. I'm going with a timer, cause transmission ain't dependable in the black from very far. There's probably a delay built in to it, say five seconds."

"If you can rip the bomb off and toss it in a hurry, you should have several seconds 'for it decides to detonate."

"Kaylee, did you hear how many 'ifs, should's and might's' there were in all that? I mean, I did." Jayne's voice was strained. "And don't get me started on the 'probably's and maybe's'" he added with a snort.

"It's all we got Jayne," Kaylee was apologetic. "Probably set to go off 'bout midway through the trip, far away as possible from anywhere. But it could be set to go off in the next ten minutes for all we know."

"Kaylee, if you're trying to make me feel better, I gotta tell ya _mei-mei_; you suck at it." Kaylee couldn't help but giggle.

"Sorry, Jayne," she smiled into the comm. "Just lettin' ya know the score, s'all."

"I 'bout got that figured out, myself," Jayne didn't quite mutter. "Cap'n, might be best you get everyone into the shuttles. I trust Kaylee to know her business, but. . ."

"I got you," Mal said into the comm. He turned. "You heard the man. GO!" The others scrambled for the shuttles. Mal hit the comm. "Albatross, you head for the shuttles as well. You can't help from up there."

"I'll stay," came the reply, shaky though it was. Mal bit back a curse.

"River, you can't help from there, and you ain't needed at the helm for the next few minutes. If this goes bad, we'll all have to take the shuttles and head back to Astra." There was no answer. Jayne suddenly cut in.

"River, baby girl, you can't help me," he said soothingly. "I gotta do this, try and save the ship if I can. It's our home. But it would be a might easier on me knowin' you was safe in the shuttle when I yank this thing off here." He was quiet for a minute, and heard no response.

"Please?" he added, his voice gentle.

"Jayne, I. . ." she started.

"I know, baby girl," Jayne's voice came back. "I know."

"If you die, I will never forgive you," River finally answered. "Never. I'm headed to Inara's shuttle, Captain." Mal released a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, and could hear Jayne's sigh over the comm as well.

"Thanks, Jayne," he said quietly.

"Didn't do it for you," Jayne shot back, and Mal swore he could hear the smile. "I already did plenty for you today. Know how much that gun cost?" Mal couldn't help but chuckle. He knew that Jayne was just easing tension.

"I know what they wanted for it on Persephone," he answered. "Wasn't cheap."

"And what do I get in return?" Jayne groused in good humor. "I get blamed for you gettin' shot. Like you need any help gettin' shot," he added with a snort.

"I admit, I do seem to get hurt more often than most," Mal chuckled, releasing some of his own tension. "But if you had. . ."

"I got the guy that got you," Jayne pointed out.

"And I thank you for it," Mal nodded, though Jayne couldn't see it. "Jayne, I'm curious about something. You've spent a good deal of coin today, and I know it didn't come from me. You got a second job I don't know about?"

"Now that just plumb hurts, Mal," Jayne replied. "I don't work for no one but you. Ain't even thought on working no where else in a good while." Mal smiled at that admission.

"Mal, you might better head to the shuttle," the timbre of Jayne's voice changed. "Im'a 'bout ready to yank this thing, and I don't rightly know. . ." his voice trailed off.

"If'n somethin' happens, goes wrong I mean," Jayne said after a minute. "There's a couple letters in a box under my bunk. One of 'em is from Book. The other is the location of a safety deposit box, with the key and instructions on how to get to it. If. . .if I don't. . .well, give it to River, okay?"

"Tell her to use it wisely, and live the life she was denied. Do that for me?"

Mal's throat was tight, and his eyes burned a little. He should be the one doing this. But his leg wasn't up to it.

"Mal?" Jayne said into the silence.

"I hear ya, Jayne," Mal answered. "I promise, I'll see to it. Give ya' my word."

"Well, that's good enough for me. Had me worried there for a minute. Now you need to git. I'll give ya thirty seconds, and then I'm pullin' the plug 'for my nerve runs out."

"I'm going," Mal said, the left at as fast a pace as he could manage.

-------------------------------

River sat huddled in Inara's shuttle, the older woman's arm wrapped around her. She was trying valiantly not to cry, and so far not doing well at it.

"River, I'm sure Jayne can do this," Inara soothed her, trying to project confidence. It wasn't easy.

"Too many variables," River muttered. "Too many unknowns to calculate chances of successful outcome. Odds are. . .high."

"River, sweetie," Inara tried again, "if anyone in the 'verse is good at beating long odds, it's Jayne Cobb. I mean, look at what he's accomplished in life. It may not seem like much, but consider that he started at fourteen, on his own, with no one to look out for him, or help him along his way." She lightly kissed the top of River's head.

"He's a strong and stubborn man," she added, smiling. "Too stubborn to die on the hull of a ship in the black, with someone like you inside who loves him."

"I think he loves me, too," River said quietly. "Afraid to show it, afraid to _feel_ it. But I have worn him down," she said proudly.

"Well, I knew you would, eventually, if you were patient, and kept trying. And I think he loves you too, if it helps. As to his fear," Inara sighed, "Jayne has lost so much in his life, River, that his fear is understandable. He is afraid because he doesn't think he can bear to lose anyone else." She considered for a minute and added, "And, I could hear in his voice, when he was speaking to you, that he is afraid to lose you. Which means, in all likelihood, that yes, you have worn him down."

River sobbed, her small frame shaking from it.

"He has the worst timing."

-------------------------

Jayne looked at the box. It was like a single red eye, staring him down. Daring

him to try and live. Challenging him to be better than it was. Stronger.

As he waited for Mal to have time to reach the shuttle, Jayne pondered on many things. It was odd, he thought, the things that could run through a man's mind when he was facing almost certain death. He wasn't stupid. Even if the bomb waited five, or even ten seconds before going off, it would likely kill him.

He thought back to his family. If he hadn't been gone on the 'raising', he'd have been there when the Alliance commandoes attacked. He'd have been killed alongside his family, and that would have been that.

Then he thought about his meeting Stormy, and her taking him under her wing. If she hadn't, then he would likely have died somewhere in some Alliance camp, over-reaching himself in his attempt to hurt the Alliance as they had hurt him. And Stormy would be dead, left to die on a cross, when she was captured.

_Things happen for a reason, son._

Book's voice sounded in his ears. He resisted the urge to look around for the older man, the man who had been a second father to him, even for so short a time. The man who had spared the mysterious Shade, number one on the Alliance hit list, even when he had him dead to rights. He'd never given a thought to the meal he'd give the old man. Didn't remember it at all, until he read Book's letter. It had been a passing kindness, for someone he thought had been displaced by the war. There hadn't been any thought in it, really. It just happened.

_Things happen for a reason._

He thought about Miranda. How Wash had died, while he lived. How they had all suffered. He had managed to drag Zoe away from the reavers, but not win the battle. That had taken River, and the assassin training forced on her by the Alliance. He'd never been ashamed of that. River was strong, and she had stepped up when she was needed. Saved them all.

All in all, River Tam was a hell of a woman. Jayne didn't figure a man could do any better.

But she could do better than him. They'd never have met if he hadn't shot Marco and took Mal's offer. He never did give much thought to that. Didn't even know why he did it.

_Things happen for a reason._

"What's the reason, Book," he said softly, forgetting the comm. "I mean I believe ya, and all. You never once lied to me, and I don't think you ever would. So what's the reason? Why have I lived so long, wantin' ta die, only to find a reason to live, and be faced with death? I don't get it. I mean, I ain't afraid to die. Never have been, and you know that. Better'n anyone 'cept maybe Storm. But if I'm _gonna_ die, well, why give me a reason to live? Don't make no sense."

"I tried to do what you asked, Book," he went on. "I stayed, looked after 'em best I could. That's what I'm doin' now, matter o' fact. But why do things have to get so complicated? Why can't it just be simple? There's a reason I try not to care 'bout people, you know. Why couldn't you leave well enough alone?"

"I guess though, if I wasn't here, then maybe the bomb might kill 'em all," he said after a moment. "Be like losing my family, all over again. So maybe that's the reason? I made it all this way for them? I can live with that." He laughed at his choice of words. "Okay, I can _die_ with that," he amended. He looked up, though that was relative in the black.

"Preacher, I know you're up there somewhere, watchin'. If'n you could put in a good word for me about now, I'd take it as a kindness of the highest order. One way or 'nother."

With that, Jayne gripped the box with both hands, and yanked as hard as he could. The box came loose with little trouble, and Jayne saw the red eye blink at him.

He threw it as hard as he could, away from the ship, and then scrambled for the airlock.

He almost made it. Almost.

He was aware of the bomb going off, and then felt a giant fist slam him against the hull. He tried to keep going, but nothing seemed to work, and his vision was kind of screwy. He felt himself floating free, into the black.

_But I ain't losing another family_, he thought, oddly satisfied. Only one regret flashed before him as the darkness closed in.

"I shoulda at least told ya I loved ya. Always was a coward. . ." he muttered, then the world went black.


	22. Worth It

Shades of the Past – Chapter Twenty-one

_All applicable disclaimers apply. No purchase necessary to win, only one winner per household, per day. Please see details for. . .the details. I don't own anything even vaguely Firefly related, and I don't get paid for this, so lawyers, no need to sue:)_

_-----------------------------------_

The first thing Jayne was aware of was that death was loud. Very loud.

And painful. He hurt all over. As he struggled to open his eyes, _do I still got eyes?_ he groaned.

"Simon!" he heard a familiar voice cry. "Simon, he moved! He made noise!"

Jayne tried to lever himself up and see what the yelling was about. Didn't people respect the dead anymore? Man oughta have some dignity when he died. And some quiet for that matter.

He managed to pry one eye open, and immediately shut it when the light made his head throb. He groaned again, and gave it another try, opening his eyes slowly.

"Well, now," he heard a voice say, and turned to see Simon looking down at him. "Do you know where you are?" Simon asked.

"I'm in hell," Jayne muttered. "If this was heaven, someone prettier than you would be askin' me that." Simon laughed.

"Can't argue with that, but fact is you aren't there either. You're in the infirmary, on board the ship."

"See?" Jayne replied. "Like I said. Hell." He lay back, suddenly tired from the effort. "I see I can't even die right."

"Well, you tried, I'll give you that," Simon assured him. "On a scale of one to ten, ten being the best, I'd give it a strong eight. When the bomb went off, it apparently slammed you into the hull. You have a concussion, and four cracked ribs, but other than that, and some ugly bruising, you're fine. Overall, you were extremely lucky."

"I suppose if they ain't your ribs what's cracked, and head that's poundin' it'd seem like that," he groused. Sounding, Simon thought, remarkably like Mal.

"Yes, well, I can see where that would be the case," Simon nodded. "Jayne, I want to say thank you. You saved us, you know. Saved the ship."

"Well, I wasn't busy at the time," Jayne said casually. "Been needin' a hobby."

Simon laughed again.

"Well, try and get some rest, if you can. There's someone here who wants to see you, if you're up to it." He nodded to the door. Jayne followed the nod, and saw River standing in the door, arms wrapped around herself.

"She's been here for hours," Simon said so that only Jayne could hear. "Hasn't left your side."

"How long I been out?" Jayne asked.

"It took us nearly half an hour to find you, even with River's help. You've been back on board, and out cold, for five hours. I was surprised you woke up so quickly. It would be better if you could stay awake for a little while, but if you can't it'll be fine." He hesitated, and Jayne nodded.

"Come on in," Jayne said. "You will anyway, once no one's lookin'," he added with a half smirk, the best he could manage at the moment. River flew to his side.

"Well, I think I'll go and. . .go," Simon said abruptly. "If you need anything just call." With a final look at River that warned her not to overtire his patient, Simon left.

River looked down at Jayne, her hand stroking his forehead. He could tell she'd been crying, and it tore at him.

"All that red and crying for me?" he asked lightly. She nodded, not yet able to speak.

"Ain't no call for all that," he smiled. "Take more'n a little ole bomb to get me," he winked.

"It's not funny," she said quietly. "I know you think I'm humorous, following you around like a puppy, but that's no reason to make light of. . ."

"Who ever said I found it humorous?" Jayne asked seriously. "Aggravating, yes. I admit that. Confusing, yes. I mean, what do you see in me, River? I'm. . .well, you know what I am. You know you can do better than someone like me."

"How?" she asked flatly. "How can I do better than someone who would keep me safe, yet allow me to walk beside him. How can I do better than someone who loves me enough he's willing to die for me, without even a thought?"

"Who would be able to put up with me like you do?" she continued with a small smile. "And be able to help me when the world gets too crowded for me to handle alone? Only you can do that, Jayne."

Jayne looked back at her, his face growing red.

"I'd do that for you anyway, baby girl," he said after a minute. "You ain't got to worry about that."

"I'm not worried," she giggled. "I'm wearing you down. Eventually, you'll see. We're meant to be together." She paused, biting her lip, a move which Jayne found oddly attractive.

"I always wondered," she went on, "why I went to the academy. Why I had to suffer like I did. It was horrible at times, and worse at others. I was a child, and I hadn't done anything wrong. Why was I being punished? What had I done to deserve what was being done to me?" Tears were falling freely now.

"Everything happens for a reason," she whispered, and Jayne stiffened at that. "The reason I went to the academy was so I could meet you, Jayne Cobb. I would never have met you, otherwise. And it was worth it," she added softly. Leaning down, she pressed her lips to his, and kissed him.

And Jayne kissed her back. She drew back, eyes wide. Her fingers came to her lips.

"Never kiss'em on the mouth," she whispered. He grinned.

"_Them_, no," he told her. "But for you, I made an exception."

"Only for me," River nodded, smiling. "Always and forever, only for me." She leaned down and kissed him again, harder this time, and longer. They broke apart at the clearing of a throat. River jumped back as if shot, and Jayne. . .well, all he could really do was lay there.

"Albatross," Mal nodded. "I'd take it as a kindness was you to give me and Jayne a minute." He wasn't ordering her, she noted, but asking. She eyed him a minute, and nodded. She leaned down once more and kissed Jayne on his forehead.

"Don't go anywhere," she smiled.

"Ain't likely," he grumbled, but without conviction. She left then, giving Mal a 'don't make me hurt you' look as she left. Mal chuckled, watching her leave.

"Seems like she's all grown up," Mal observed, turning back to Jayne.

"Seems like," Jayne nodded. "Ship damaged?"

"Nothing serious, thanks to you," Mal informed him. "We'll need some work when we reach Argo, but Kaylee says won't take more'n a few hours. Day at the outside." Mal shifted to lean more of his weight on his good leg.

"Jayne, I'm beholden to you for what you did. Was rightly my place to go. If'n my leg. . ."

"No problem," Jayne said, uncomfortable. "Glad I was here to do it for you."

"'Bout that," Mal said. "I don't know if you remember it or not, but you had a good bit to say afore you pulled that bomb off the hull. And you, uh, kinda had left your comm on." Jayne stared at him for a minute, recalling what all he had said. He groaned and leaned back, eyes closing.

"Now don't get all het up," Mal said to him, taking a few steps closer to the bed, and leaning against it. "Weren't nothing wrong with anything you said. Was touching to be honest. I. . .well, it kinda made us feel good, that you think on us as family."

"Yeah, well," Jayne said, eyes still closed. "Man says a lotta things when he's 'bout to die. Don't get all mushy over it."

"Seen a lot o' men die," Mal said quietly. "Seems like that's the moment the truth comes out, when a man's faced with where he's goin'. And where he's been."

"I know where I been, Mal," Jayne said. "And where I'm goin'. Ain't no other place for me. Too much blood on me for anything else. I took the wrong road, I guess. But it was all I knew to do, all I could think on. Hunt down the men who. . .hunt them down, and do to them."

"Only natural, Jayne," Mal nodded. "Been like to do such myself, was it me. I went away to war, full o' piss and vinegar, gonna make the world safe. Came home to a black rock. Surface boiled black by Alliance warships." He shrugged. "Guess that's why I like sticking a thorn in the Alliance's paw ever chance I get. Looking for some kinda pay back." Jayne nodded in agreement. Or understanding.

"When I went on the warpath," Jayne said slowly, "I never considered the future at all. Didn't think I had one to speak of no more. No family, no friends. Nothin'. When I met Stormy that changed a bit. Me an' her, we was alike in that we was alone. We sorta drifted together, ya know? She thought I needed an adult influence, and I knew she needed someone to watch out for her." He laughed.

"Love her to death, but she ain't always one to pay attention. When that ship went down, it was like home all over again. The only thing important to me in the world was on that ship, and the Alliance blew it out of atmo."

"I went sorta crazy after that. Swore I'd never allow no one to get that close to me again. And didn't for a long time."

"Now here you are, stuck with us," Mal grinned. "We done growed on ya, ain't we, ya big hound? Go on, admit it."

"Yeah, I reckon that's so," Jayne nodded, making a face.

"Well, that musta hurt to say," Mal teased, his face splitting into a wide grin now. "Need Simon to get ya a shot?"

"Funny," Jayne growled. Mal got up.

"Well, I'm gonna leave ya alone. "Spect lil Albatross is waitin' nearby, and last thing I need is her after me for tiring you out." He paused. "That girl loves you, Jayne."

"I know," Jayne said quietly.

"Once upon a time I'da told you not to take advantage."

"Ain't been long since you punched me in the head thinkin' I had," Jayne pointed out. Mal nodded.

"Lotta water under the bridge since then. Man takes what happiness he can outta life while he's here, Jayne. Ain't never a guarantee o' tomorrow, no matter what you do. You think on that while you lay there dodgin' honest work." With that, Mal limped away.

Leaving Jayne thinking very hard indeed.

---------------------

Jayne was up and around the next day, despite Simon's objections. Jayne assured Simon he was fine, and Mal assured Simon that Jayne had nothing to do but sit around the ship. The doctor finally relented, but only after extracting a solemn oath that Jayne would come see him if he had any problems. Jayne would have promised his first born to get out of that infirmary, so that wasn't a problem.

Kaylee had intercepted him before he could reach the gallery.

"Jayne, you ain't supposed to be up," she said crossly, arms crossed and face set in defiance.

"Simon said if I promised to tell him if I had problems I could move about, Kaylee," he assured her. She was far from mollified.

"You was nearly killed," she pointed out, and Jayne was shocked to see her eyes wet. "You could. . ."

"Hey, hey now," Jayne said softly. "No water works, Kaylee girl. Been enough o' that on this ship for a while, and then some." He patted the engineer on the back, and suddenly she had her arms wrapped around him, squalling.

"What would we do without you?" she asked around her bawling.

"Well, you'd go right on like you was for I was here," Jayne assured her, patting her on the back. What was it with the women on this ship, always using him for a handkerchief?

"No one else would look after us like you do, Jayne," she argued. "They wouldn't be family."

"No," Jayne said after a moment. "No, I don't 'spose they would at that. But I ain't dead, and Doc says I'm doing fine, so they ain't nothing to worry about. So that means there ain't no need o' all them tears, which is soaking through my shirt at this very minute." She giggled in spite of herself, and the sound made Jayne smile.

"Now you stop all this foolishness, and don't be crying over me passin' just yet, _Dong Ma?_ I can't stand no cryin' and slobberin' in my delicate condition." Kaylee laughed outright this time, and punched him lightly on the arm.

"Ya big dope," she smiled brightly. "I was just cryin' cause I love ya."

"I know," he said gently. "Love you too, _mei-mei_." She beamed at that, and hugged him.

"Easy on them ribs, gal," he gasped, and she drew back.

"Oh, Jayne, I'm so sorry," she stammered.

"Hey, if that's what it takes to get a hug from ya', it's worth it." She smiled again, and set off to the engine room.

_It's worth it_. The words sounded in his ears. Someone had said that to him yesterday. About something a lot worse than a few cracked ribs.

He headed to the bridge.

------------------

River knew he was coming as soon as he made the decision. She had felt him when he left the infirmary. She was nervous, because he was nervous, and she could sense it.

Would he tell her it was a mistake? Tell her that there wasn't a future for them? That the kiss didn't really mean anything?

He had told her he didn't find her stalking him amusing, but that didn't mean he was pleased with it. But he had kissed her back! That had to count for something.

And then there was that last message over the open comm, before he'd blacked out. He hadn't called her by name, but she knew she was who he was talking about. He'd talked about a reason for living, and her heart had soared. Was it her?

Or did he just wish he'd told her he loved her to give her comfort? She chewed on her lip, thinking furiously. Then, she was out of time. Jayne was standing in the doorway. She looked around at him, and couldn't keep the hope from her eyes.

"We got some things to sort out, I reckon," he said simply. He walked over to the pilot's chair, and sat down carefully. It was all she could do not to run over and help him.

"Such as?" she asked instead, feigning an air of non-concern.

"You know such as," he smirked, and she smiled despite the knot in her belly.

"Well, in case I don't, you can start." the auto pilot was already engaged, so she turned her seat to face him.

"I 'spect you heard me talking, out on the hull. Mal said I left the comm open." She nodded, resisting the urge to chew on her lip again.

"Then you know, I take it, that you're the reason I was talking about," he said bluntly, and the knot in her belly unfurled.

"It's nice to hear you say it," she said softly.

"Well, I meant it," he told her, looking her straight in the eye. "You have worried me, and hounded me, and aggravated me for weeks, to get me to see something that I knew all along, I suppose," he looked away for a moment, and she held her breath. When he looked back at her, his eyes were so intense, so deep, that she felt like she could loose herself in the forever.

"I love you, baby girl," he said simply. "I ain't good enough for you, and you know it. But I love you anyway. I ain't no hand at romance, but I'm a quick study." He smiled. "Like as not, I can get some tips from Inara. But I aim to do things right. I aim to court you, River. We ain't gonna do this all haphazard and flung about."

"We got a chance, Mal says, to make this run permanent if things work out right. Means a chance to settle some, not always be bound to the black. If that works out, then we might have a chance to have a home, even a family. So we're gonna do things the right way, soon as I can figure out what that is exactly."

"I can help," she grinned mischievously. "In fact I have an idea right now, if you're interested." She left her seat and went over to him, climbing gingerly into his lap, careful not to jostle his ribs. He placed his arms around her, and pulled her gently to him. She lowered her head to his, and their lips met.

They were still sitting like that when Mal walked up to the door. For once, he smiled, and turned to walk away. His business could wait a while.

_I know, I know, but I can't help it! This seemed the only way for the story to go, and so here it is. It's not the end, yet though. Still got a ways to go, and heavy angst ahead. Jayne still has a meeting with his destiny, and will the crew be able to make good on their hopes for a place to call home? Stay tuned!:)_


	23. Chapter 23

Shades of the Past – Chapter Twenty-two

_Is there an expiration date on disclaimers? That's probably a question that the Supreme court will need to look at. Meanwhile, I own none of the wonderful world that is Firefly. If I did, it would still be on the air:)_

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_Serenity_ settled gracefully onto the landing pad near the processing plant. As soon as the engines were cut, ready work crews were off loading the empty crates, freshly loaded crates waiting for their spot on the cargo ship.

Mal limped his way across the yard to the office, while Zoe supervised the loading. Jayne and River were on watch at the ship, with Inara manning the bridge. Simon was on his way to the company infirmary to pick up supplies and see if anyone there needed help. Meanwhile Kaylee was getting her first real look at the damage the explosion had caused.

When Amelia Weathers saw the craft settle down, she walked out to the ship. She saw Jayne coming down the ramp, and waved. He waved back, smiling. Ami smiled when she saw River come up to stand by his side.

_Well, I guess he stopped pushing her away,_ she mused. She was glad to see that the smaller woman had persevered. He was worth the effort.

"Well, look what the cats drug up," Jayne smiled as she approached the ramp.

"I was thinking that myself," Ami grinned. "Hey River," she added.

"Hi Ami," River smiled, embracing the taller woman after Jayne had. Ami didn't miss the possessive way River grabbed Jayne's hand afterward. She fought a smile down.

"Have a good trip?" Ami asked.

"Well, mostly," Jayne said casually. "Mal got shot, but he's always doin' that. Somebody planted a bomb on the hull, that was kinda new, but we sorted out."

"Bomb?" Ami was startled. "What happened?"

"Jayne went outside, and pulled it off!" Kaylee announced, coming down the ramp to join the trio. "Threw it away so's it didn't blow us up!" She beamed at Jayne, and River giggled. Ami looked at Jayne, unsurprised.

"Same old Shade, I see," she commented. She looked at Kaylee and River. "I can tell you some stories about your boy, Jayne here that would. . ."

"We really ain't got time for small talk, Stormy," Jayne interrupted smoothly. Last thing he wanted was these two hearing about his exploits as Shade. "Kaylee's gotta take a look at the damage, and River and me hav'ta keep watch."

"Well, that's okay," Ami grinned evilly. "I'll just trot along with River and tell her, then she can tell Kaylee all the good parts later."

"I would like that very much," River smiled brightly as Jayne groaned. He glared at Ami, who merely smirked back.

"Stormy don't go telling a buncha. . ."

"Girl's gotta right to know what she's getting," Kaylee offered. Jayne shook his head and walked off with a growl about 'women on this ship', taking up a position where he could watch for trouble.

"Well, I gotta check on my girl," Kaylee said, heading around the ramp with a clipboard. "Make sure and get the details, River."

"I will," River laughed.

"She seems awfully young to be an engineer," Ami remarked, as Kaylee disappeared from sight.

"She's gifted that way," River nodded. "Couldn't keep the ship flying without her."

"So," Ami said, turning back to River. "You and Shade, I take it?" River nodded happily.

"Wore him down," she giggled. "Though I think maybe nearly dying played a small role in it. Scared me," she added somberly. "Thought I would lose him." Ami nodded in sympathy.

"Thought that many a time myself, back when," she said softly. "He'd go off alone, be gone for days at a time. Finally come dragging back to camp, looking like a tomcat who'd been on a bender. Usually with trophies from whatever he'd been doing."

"Killing Alliance," River nodded. Ami looked at the girl carefully.

"That doesn't bother you?" she asked. River smirked.

"Been known to do it myself," she replied evenly. "I am not afraid of Jayne. He would never hurt me."

"No, Shade never was one to hurt women," she said sadly. "After what happened. . .I saw him kill a browncoat once who was trying to rape a female prisoner. Wasn't supposed to happen, but there's bad eggs in every basket. Later some of the grunt's friends came calling, aiming to settle the score. They never knew what hit them."

"He is very good," River agreed.

"He was back then, for sure," Ami nodded. "Almost unreal. Like he was possessed at times. He only lived for one thing back then, River. Revenge. He felt it was all he had left."

"Knows pain," River whispered. "Knows great pain and darkness, just as I do."

"Yes, he does," Ami agreed. "But he's got a lot of love for someone who knows how to find it. He's a good man."

"You love him," River stated. She was eyeing Ami very closely.

"I do," she replied simply. "He's the only family I've had for a long time. After we were separated, I just considered him the brother that died in the war. It hurt to imagine him gone. It never occurred to me that no one would tell him I wasn't on the ship when it went down."

"Broke his heart," River told her. "Lost the only thing he loved, watched you die. Like reliving the past." River's eyes were moist.

"I know," she nodded. "There was no way to find him, of course. I was injured so badly that they took me off the teams, trained me to be a nurse. I couldn't get access to his whereabouts. I tried, almost got in trouble once. After that, I stopped. Every now and again I'd see someone I knew who knew him. They could tell me where he'd been, but not where he was."

"I always gave them messages, just in case, but he was working alone after that, so no one really saw him." She sighed. "And what would we have done, anyway? He was too wild to settle down and be a little brother, and too obsessed with killing the people who killed his family. He would never have stayed in one place. And he didn't need me anymore. To watch out for him, I mean. I don't think he ever did, to be honest. I think he knew I needed him," she laughed.

"Jayne can't resist a damsel in distress," River laughed.

"Especially a pretty one," Ami winked, and River blushed. "I think you're good for him, River. With you, maybe he can get back the life that was taken from him. I hope so, for both of you."

"Maybe we can stay here," River told her. Ami's eyebrows rose.

"Really?"

"If this job pans out, we can," River nodded. "Work for your company regularly, maybe put down some roots here."

"Buy a house, raise a family. Get a dog?" Ami grinned. River smiled.

"His idea," she assured her.

"Wow," Ami whistled lowly. "You must have _really_ done a number on him, girl."

"Haven't yet," River arched her own eyebrows and smirked, "but I'm working on it." She and Ami shared a laugh at that.

-------------------------------

"Good to see you, Captain," George Harwell rose as Mal entered his office. "Good trip I hope?"

"Better'n some, worse'n others," Mal replied vaguely. "I see you got another cargo all ready for us," he added.

"And several more after that," Harwell nodded enthusiastically. "As of now, we can keep you in work for several months just getting caught up."

"What I like to hear," Mal smiled. "I been thinking on your offer of a permanent transport position here, as well. I'd like to know what the figures would be for normal runs like this."

"Well, I'm paying you double the normal rates, now," Harwell said, thinking. "For your size vessel anyway. That's a bonus for the hazard pay, and I'll keep paying you that until the trouble with Zhang is finished, or we're run out of business. Assuming we survive, and you take on the post, I'd want to cut that some. But I'd still pay you more than the regular rate, say time and a quarter?"

"Still include the good food?" Mal asked with a smile.

"It does," Harwell assured him. "And bonuses on occasion when a quicker trip is needed, to help cover fuel costs."

"Sounds agreeable," Mal nodded. "I 'spect we can work out the details later on, once the current unpleasantness is behind us."

"Sounds like a plan," Harwell nodded, grinning hugely. "I can't tell you how beholden we are to you for taking this on, Captain. If you hadn't, we'd have been hard pressed to make it another month."

"Glad to be of service," Mal nodded. "Thing is, it's good for us too. If we can make this deal work, then it'll give us steady work, and a place to call home. Which is all we've ever really asked for."

"We'd be glad to have you."

-----------------------------

"We can get by like we are for now, Cap'n," Kaylee assured Mal as she finished assessing the damage. "Got some hull scoring, but it ain't bad enough to worry over. Lost a few panels, but I already replaced them as I went, from what we had. Few lines need replacing, but I can have them done after lunch."

"Nothin' don't happen, we can lift off 'fore dark," she finished.

"Good work, lil Kaylee," Mal nodded. "Whatever you need, let me know, and I'll get it for you."

"Have to hit a yard or supplier once we get back to Astra, Cap'n," she told him. "This job is liable to be rough for it's smooth, and we ain't got much in the way o' spares, after this. I already talked to some fellas here, and there ain't much in the way o' scrap yards or parts houses on this moon. They usually order from Astra."

"We'll see to it. Now let's get started. I wanna be in the black by nightfall."

Jayne had been watching for any kind of sign that they were being watched. When it came, it was almost so subtle he missed it. He'd been thinking about what he was going to do about courting River when he noticed a tree limb blowing the wrong way. It was a small thing, and most would have missed it.

But he wasn't most. He reached for his communicator.

"Mal, we got a shadow, 'bout three o'clock from the bridge, that large pin oak. 'Bout halfway up."

"I can't see anything, Jayne," Mal answered after a minute.

"I can't see him, but there's a large limb, on your left, 'bout middle ways, that's moving when the wind ain't blowing. And moving against the wind when it is."

"Albatross?" Mal called.

"Looking," came the clipped reply. "I have him," she said after a long two minutes. "Rifle! Rifle! He's aiming."

Mal made a grab at Kaylee, but heard the shot before he could make it. Kaylee gasped in pain, falling to the ground. Mal cursed as he tried to get to where he could cover her.

Off to his left, he heard Vera bark twice, and then River's sniper rifle _chugged_ through it's silencer. A strangled moan came from the woods, followed by a heavy crash. River was already running to make sure the target was down, while Jayne provided cover for all.

Mal looked down at Kaylee, who was cursing in very colorful Chinese.

"_Mei-mei_, don't move," Mal ordered. "We'll get Simon."

"Don't need him, Cap'n," she gasped. "Jayne done bought me this." She tapped the armor she'd exposed when she unzipped her coveralls. "Dinged it, but didn't go through." Mal's eyes closed for a minute, thankful for Jayne's dead relative.

"Kaylee alright?" Jayne asked from his position a few yards away.

"Thanks to you, Jayne," Kaylee grinned, despite the pain. "Think I gotta nice bruise, but that's all."

"Sniper down," River called over the comm. "Mine was closer," she added, just to needle Jayne. Jayne muttered softly, Mal catching something about 'ruttin' reader', and 'unfair advantage'. He couldn't help but smile.

"Jayne help me get Kaylee inside. Tell River to hot foot it back, and call Zoe. Tell her to get Simon, and then report to the cargo bay." Mal gingerly took hold of Kaylee and pulled her to her feet.

"Kaylee, are we good to go?" he asked.

"All set, Cap'n," she nodded, rubbing her chest. "Take off anytime."

"Then let's get aboard. We're safer in the black."

Thirty minutes later, _Serenity_ was off the ground, digging for the black.


	24. Chapter 24

Shades of the Past – Chapter Twenty-three

_Yes, Yes, I own none of the contents of the Firefly universe, just. . .tinkering, without any re-numeration what-so-ever. Not mine, not mine,:)_

_---------------------------------_

_Serenity _managed to make three round trips over the next fifteen days, rarely staying dirtside for longer than it took to load and/or unload cargo. Doing so had pushed the ship to the limits of it's maintenance cycle, however.

"Cap'n we gotta stay down at least a day," Kaylee informed Mal on the day they were due into Astra with their fourth load. "There's too much got to be done, and all of it can't be done while we're in the air."

"Need fuel as well," River added with a nod. "We're at one-quarter, now. Barely enough to make full burn to Astra."

"Alright," Mal nodded reluctantly. "Kaylee, call ahead and see if we can get some port time. I don't want to re-fuel in the open again. And we all stay round the ship. I don't want anymore slip ups like our first stopover."

"River and I need to make a trip into town, Captain," Jayne pointed out. "Ordered her body armor special, to fit. Should be in by now." Mal agreed to this even more reluctantly.

"Straight there and back, Jayne. No stopping to browse. I don't like us being separated while all this is goin' on." Jayne nodded. He agreed with Mal.

"Shouldn't take long at all."

"Okay then, we unload, then make straight for the docks. We'll pull a maintenance shift, then hit the black first thing in the morning."

--------------------------------

Jayne and River made their way through a busy street on their way back to the gun shop. River stayed right at Jayne's side the whole way, clasping his hand tightly. The couple drew more than one odd look as a pair, and several male admirer's gave River a closer look before noticing the scowl on her very large escort's face.

River beamed at the scowl. Jayne was jealous! And very protective. She basked in the feeling like a cat in the sunshine.

When they arrived at the shop, River's armor had indeed arrived. The same clerk, sans any lingering glances in Jayne's direction, hurriedly helped fit River's armor, while Jayne settled his bill. He picked up a few odd and end supplies, including grenades, while he waited.

When River returned from her fitting, the armor wasn't evident at all. He nodded as she modeled for him. Then looked to the clerk.

"Built like I requested?

"Oh yes, Mister Cobb," she nodded. "That's why the price was somewhat higher than the others. Well, that and the made to order fitting." Jayne nodded again, pleased. He and River exited the shop, heading back to the ship.

"Why was it higher?" River asked when they were outside, and on their way. "What did you request for mine, when it was ordered?"

"Your armor is different from the others because you're out more, and more likely to get shot at," he replied, looking down at her. "And because I don't want anything to happen to you," he winked. She blushed furiously.

"What's different about it?"

"It's designed to beat armor piercing rounds," he told her bluntly. "That's why it's still a little bulky on you, but you'll get used to it. And I _don't _want you off the ship without it, River."

"Yes, Jayne," she nodded meekly. She couldn't help herself. His protective side made her feel cuddly. Warm all over. The little assassin wasn't used to that feeling, and she let it flow over her.

That's probably why she didn't sense their danger until it was too late. They rounded a corner, just two blocks from the port, and found themselves face to face with six armed men. Jayne halted, eyeing the men closely. River released his hand and stepped away.

"Help you?" Jayne asked neutrally.

"You off that Firefly over there," the largest of them asked, pointing to _Serenity_.

"That's right," Jayne nodded, allowing his now free hand to lay near his pistol.

"Got a message for you," he sneered, and his hand dropped to his gun. He was fast, but Jayne was faster. So was River.

Shots rang out, bullets flew, and bodies began to fall. The thugs for hire had picked the worst possible pair to accost. Three were down before the others had managed to draw their weapon. But then they were shooting back.

Jayne was hit first, as a slug caught him in the leg. He fell, but kept shooting. River took a grazing wound to her arm next, but calmly shifted her gun to her left hand, and continued firing. Then, as quickly as it had started, it was over.

River went forward, making sure the gun men were down to stay, then ran back to Jayne.

"Jayne!" she cried, seeing the blood.

"Get our stuff, baby girl," Jayne gasped, getting gingerly to his feet.

"Need to help you," she shook her head.

"I got it," he promised her. "Get our stuff and head for the ship. We got to go before someone else joins in." He steadied himself, placing his weight carefully on his bad leg. It would hold him, but only barely.

"Call Mal," he ordered her. "Let him know. And start heading toward the boat!"

She went, Jayne following behind as fast as he could.

---------------------------------

"Captain?" Mal's comm crackled with River's voice.

"Albatross? I heard shots. That you and your escort by any chance?"

"Yes, Captain. We were attacked by six men. All are down but Jayne and I are both injured slightly. Jayne requires assistance."

"On my way," Mal said at once. "Zoe!"

"I heard, sir," Zoe came running. "Orders?"

"Maintain the watch, while I go and collect our wayward children," he grimaced. The first mate nodded. Mal headed off in the direction of the shooting.

He met River one hundred meters from the ship, bleeding from a bullet wound in her arm, and carrying the heavy bags.

"Leave those, and get to the ship. We'll come back for them," he ordered. "Where's Jayne?" River pointed, dropping the heavier bags and continuing to the ship.

Mal ran in the direction of her point, and found Jayne leaning heavily on the gate post at the entrance to the docks.

"You walk?" Mal demanded at once.

"Don't. . .think so," Jayne managed to blurt out. "Took one high up, on the leg. Bleeder. Didn't want River to know. Made her hightail it." Mal nodded, understanding now why the two had separated. He placed an arm under Jayne and heaved.

"We got to try and get to the ship," Mal grunted under Jayne's weight. "Simon can set you to rights." Jayne nodded weakly, unable to muster the strength to talk.

Mal was sure they wouldn't make it, but their luck held and soon Zoe was running out to lend a hand. They maneuvered Jayne into the cargo bay, where Inara and Kaylee were waiting.

"Help Zoe get him to the infirmary," Mal ordered, then went bag for the bags River had dropped. Knowing Jayne, they contained things they'd need.

By the time Mal got back, Zoe was back on the door, and Simon was attending to Jayne, already having seen to River. Jayne had been right, he had been hit high, and the bullet had clipped the artery.

"Lucky thing this didn't hit the whole artery," Simon fussed as he worked to repair the damage. "You could have bled out before you got here."

"Thanks for trying to cheer me up, Doc, but really, I can do without it," Jayne said dryly. Simon laughed.

"Yes, I know. You and Mal are alike in that. I tell you how lucky you were, and you complain you weren't lucky enough." Jayne chuckled at that.

"Sorry, Doc," he said after a minute. "Just don't much care for gettin' shot is all. Lucky or not."

"Yes, well, it's not the high point of my day, either, Jayne," Simon replied dryly. "And it's worse when it's my sister involved."

"She did good," Jayne gasped, looking over the where Inara was cleaning River's arm. "Proud of ya, little bit." River smiled.

"My Jayne is very brave," she replied. "But should not have sent me away when he was hurt."

"You were hurt, too, baby girl," he told her flatly. "No sense in both of us bleedin' on the walk. Thanks for not arguing with me either. Much," he added, and she flushed pink at that.

"She didn't argue?" Simon asked in mock bewilderment. " I knew you had somehow put a spell on my _mei-mei_, Jayne," he said in feigned outrage, "and this proves it. She _never_ doesn't argue."

"Except with Jayne," River told him. "Jayne only makes me do things to keep me safe. Never argue with him." Jayne gave her an incredulous look, and she blushed again. "Almost never," she added, much quieter. Inara and Simon both laughed at that.

"Well, if we're all laughing, it can't be that bad," Mal said from the door.

"No, Captain," Jayne replied. "Doc was just telling me how lucky I was, gettin' shot an' all."

"I didn't. . ." Simon sputtered, then threw his hands in the air in feigned disgust. "I give up. Both of you are beyond help."

"Both of them?" Inara said, eyebrows arched.

"Well, Doc's always tellin' us how it could have been worse," Mal said with a laugh. "I 'spect Jayne feels the same way I do, and wished not to be shot at all."

"He does," Jayne nodded emphatically. "Very much so, in fact."

"Well, we all wish none of you ever got shot," Inara offered.

"Or hit, or slammed into the hull, or cut, or stabbed, or. . .", Simon muttered.

"We get it, Simon," Mal laughed. "Some of our jobs are more unpredictable than others."

"Well, I'm gettin' right tired of this one's unpredictability," Jayne growled. Inara looked at Jayne with pride.

"Jayne!" she gushed. "You're getting so much better at that."

"Had me a good teacher," he winked, and her laughter filled the room. "Make me a for real genteel-man 'fore long," he added with a grin.

"Let's not reach for the sun, there, Jayne," Mal snorted, earning him a withering glare from Inara.

"I just meant to take it slow, there, is all," Mal amended, realizing he was about one wrong word away from being in the dog house. "You're doing right well, ain't no question," he added, and was relieved to see Inara smile. A little. _Very_ little, but he'd take it.

"I think it's about time we pay this Zhang a visit, Mal," Jayne said quietly. "I'm right tired of this, and I'm thinking it's time someone started paying."

"They _are_ paying, Jayne," Mal pointed out. "So far we've cost him nigh on thirty men. Word'll soon get out that he ain't safe to work for."

"We been lucky," Jayne shot back. "No more'n that. And luck don't last forever. Specially yours."

"Hey now! I found us this job, didn't I?" Mal objected. When the rooms occupants all looked his way, he backpedaled a bit.

"Well, it's good pay, and the promise of steady work in the future," he mumbled.

"I ain't knockin' any o' that, Captain," Jayne nodded. "I'm just thinking that maybe we need to take a more direct approach. It's becomin' obvious that the local law ain't able to touch Zhang, or they'd o' done done it."

"Maybe something to that, Jayne," Mal said seriously. "But until we're all healed, we'll keep hauling, and lay low. Once we're all at a hundred percent, then we'll talk on it. Good enough?"

"You're the Captain," Jayne nodded. "You call it. I'll do it." Mal nodded his thanks at that. Was a time when Jayne wouldn't have uttered anything along those lines. Mal was glad the big man was finally and firmly on his side.

"Well, I'm gonna leave you to it, then. I need to go and relieve Zoe. With you two down for tonight, and Kaylee still working in the engine room, watches are gonna be long." With that he turned and departed. Inara excused herself, and followed.

As Simon began to clean up, he noticed River's body armor lying on the floor. As he picked it up, he noticed it was different from the set Jayne had bought for him.

"River, is this yours? Looks different, somehow."

"Yes, Simon," River nodded. "Jayne ordered mine special. It's much stronger than normal armor. And custom made to fit me better." Simon handed the armor to her, and looked at Jayne. The big man's eyes were closed, but he wasn't sleeping.

"_Mei-mei_, you should go and eat," he said suddenly. "And if you can, bring Jayne something as well. Both of you need to eat, and then rest. As soon as I can clean up, I'm going to help Kaylee." River nodded and left for the kitchen, touching Jayne's arm as she went by. When she was out of ear shot, Simon looked back at Jayne.

"Is that true, Jayne?" he asked quietly. Jayne opened one eye.

"Is what true?"

"About her armor," Simon asked.

"Yes," he nodded. "It's designed to defeat armor piercing rounds, and was custom molded to fit her as close as possible. It also falls lower than some, below her belt even."

"I. . .you really care for her a lot, don't you?" Simon stammered.

"Love her, Doc," Jayne said simply. "Best thing ever happened to me. Just don't tell her that," he smirked. "I'm wrapped far enough 'round her finger as it is." Simon laughed quietly.

"I can sympathize with that," he told the merc. "I. . .you know, for some reason, it doesn't bother me that you two are. . .I mean that is. . .what I'm trying to. . ." Jayne chuckled, as Simon sputtered.

"I get it Doc, and I'm glad to hear it."

"Are you using birth control?" Simon asked, his face reddening slightly. Jayne tensed for a minute.

"Ain't an issue Doc," he said after a minute.

"OF course it's an issue!" Simon squawked. "She can't work like this if she's pregnant! And while she is doing much better, it would be better, health wise, if she waited a while longer before. . ." He trailed off as Jayne started laughing.

"Doc, relax," he said finally. "It ain't like that. We ain't. . .well, we _ain't_. Okay? If we _do_, ever, then we'll make sure everything is right before hand. I wouldn't risk her health any more than you would."

"I just thought. . .I mean I just _assumed_. . ." Simon trailed off again, face so red Jayne thought he might catch fire.

"Doc, it ain't goin' like that. I aim to court your sister, if we ever get where we ain't gettin' shot at regular. And there ain't no plans in my head for any. . ._doin'_, so to speak, unless we get married."

Simon tried not to gape. Once again, Jayne had caught him flatfooted. He had been all set to lecture Jayne _and_ his sister about the need for preventive measures, only to find. . .

"You really _do_ love her," he almost whispered. Jayne snorted.

"I just said that," Jayne pointed out.

"I know, Jayne, I just. You really have changed. A great deal, in fact. I didn't mean to object. River is a grown woman, and she has to be able to make her own decisions. I just wanted to. . .you did it _again_! I had a speech all prepared and you just waved it off. I'm either going mad, or starting to like you."

"Which is worse?" Jayne smirked.

"I'll let you know," Simon shot back, smiling.

"For what it's worth, Simon," Jayne said as Simon was getting ready to leave, "I think I'm starting to like you too. Sorta. A little, maybe. Like I said, future ain't set in stone. Man could do worse for a brother-in-law."

"Oh, God! Now _I'm_ in hell," Simon groaned. "We're starting to think alike!" Jayne's laughter followed him out into the hallway, and Simon was still smiling when he reached the engine room.


	25. Chapter 25

Shades of the Past – Chapter Twenty-Four

_Writer does not own Firefly or Serenity or any part there of. Simple fanfic, with no money changing hands. Labor of love, or love of labor, is all it is:)_

_-----------------------_

True to his plan, Mal and company lay very low for the next two weeks. During that time, both he and Jayne healed well. River's arm was back in shape long before their respective leg wounds were healed. _Serenity _stayed on the move, once again going planet side only to pick up and deliver cargo.

Jayne and Ami visited regularly on the ship, and Ami and River continued to build their friendship. River no longer saw Ami as a rival for Jayne's affections, and Ami saw River as a balm to her adopted sibling's injured soul.

Kaylee and Simon spent a great deal of time together as well. Hopes of being able to establish a home on Argo fueled yet more hopes of a home and family.

Mal and Inara likewise drew closer together. There were rough spots for them, but despite Mal's own 'foot in mouth' issues, the two were steadily working things out between them.

Jayne and River were not quite inseparable, but usually where you found one, the other was nearby. Jayne would often sit on the bridge with her, and she would likewise sit with him in the bay while he worked out. Inara noted that they often simply sat quietly together, each occupied with something.

It was that companionable silence that convinced her the two would make it. She and Mal had yet to develop anything like that, and even Kaylee and Simon were not as close.

Yet, Inara thought, it wasn't so strange. Jayne and River were much alike. Both had suffered a great deal, and both were very like minded. They made a good pair, she thought, watching them one evening in the cargo bay. Jayne's lack of education was offset by River's sheer genius, while her diminutive size and instability were likewise offset by Jayne's great strength and calm demeanor.

Thus it was no surprise when one night, as Jayne returned another of the books she had loaned him, he asked her advice.

"'Nara," he said hesitantly. She smiled at him.

"Yes, Jayne?"

"I need some help, sorta. See I want to court River proper, only I never learned how, on account o', well. . .you know," he wasn't quite blushing.

"That's very sweet Jayne," Inara said to ease his discomfort. "How can I help?"

"Well, I mean. . .what do I _do_?" he asked desperately. "I mean, some stuff I figured out on my own, like. Flowers, and candy and what not. But. . ."

"But what else?" Inara asked. "Jayne, it seems to me you're already doing a fine job. You spend time with her, listen to her, even when you don't understand what she's talking about. You're there for her, a presence in her life."

"You let her stand on her own two feet, which not all men would do. You work to make her feel safe, and protected, even though she's more than capable of doing it herself. That allows . . . it gives her a haven, Jayne. A safe place where she can relax, and just be, well, River."

"But shouldn't there be, I don't know. _More_?" he asked.

"There can always be _more_," Inara giggled. "Women do like to be pampered, Jayne, and despite her. . .abilities, River is a woman."

"That part I got figured out," he grinned sheepishly.

"Are you two intimate?" Inara asked softly, and Jayne's face went red.

"Not. . .like that, no," he told her. "I mean we, you know, kiss and stuff. Make out, like. But we ain't. . .that is I don't want. . .I mean. . ." he trailed off, spluttering a bit.

"I think that's very sweet, Jayne," Inara soothed. "Most men would be putting pressure on her for physical intimacy. She's very attractive and desirable."

"Yeah, she is," Jayne displayed a goofy grin. Inara couldn't help laughing. To his credit, Jayne managed not to blush too much.

"I think, when we can put all this unpleasantness behind us, the ideal thing would be for the two of you to have a night out. Take her to dinner, perhaps to a show of some kind. River loves the ballet. If you can find one, either here, or on Astra, take her. You will probably find it boring, but she will love it."

"I don't mind sittin' through something like that," Jayne nodded. "Not for her."

"And she'll realize that, Jayne. River is very smart."

"Thanks, 'Nara," Jayne said, rising from his seat. "I think I got it for now."

"You're welcome, Jayne. Anytime."

---------------------------

When _Serenity_ touched down on the landing pad at the processing plant, it was evident that something had happened. There were vehicles and people everywhere, and the plant showed signs of damage, apparently by fire.

Mal, Jayne, and Simon walked over to the scene, while River and Zoe secured the ship. Simon wanted to see if he could be of assistance. He tugged at his body armor uncomfortably, but hadn't even thought of leaving the ship without it. If he had, Kaylee would have had a screeching fit. After her meeting with a bullet, stopped by Jayne's gift, she never went near the cargo bay without it, and made sure Simon did likewise.

Mal saw Harwell, looking frazzled and weary, and stepped over to him with Simon at his side. Jayne hung back, watching.

"Trouble?" Mal asked.

"You could say that," Harwell nodded grimly. "They hit about sunup. I had hired a few men to watch the place. They put up a fight, but there were too many raiders. Managed to set fire to a warehouse, but didn't damage our plant. We got lucky, for once. The Sheriff was out this way with several men, looking for a robbery suspect. He was close enough to get here and run the raider's off, though he lost men doing it. Losing the warehouse will hurt us, but it won't stop us," he declared.

"Anything we can do to help? Mal asked.

"Could use your doctor," Harwell nodded at Simon. "Got several injured. Doctor's on his way, but may take a while. And Ami's got her hands full." Simon looked to Mal, who nodded, and then set out to the infirmary. Mal motioned for Jayne to follow, and the big man set off behind.

"Mister Harwell," Mal said, after Simon and Jayne had gone. "It ain't my business, you understand, but I'm curious to know what's being done about all this."

"Not much to _be_ done, Captain," Harwell shrugged in frustration. "Sheriff is doing all he can, but he's only got so many men. And so far, despite the fact that we _know_ Zhang is behind all this, there's nothing to _prove_ he is, if you take my meaning."

Mal nodded in understanding. Knowing and proving were two horses of different colors. A fact he himself had been thankful for on more than a single occasion.

"I gotta be honest, here, Mister Harwell," Mal said after a pause. "My crew have been attacked three times in the time we've been working for you. My ship was almost blown up. We ain't scared of trouble, but if there's no end to the trouble in sight, I gotta be thinking on me and mine."

"I understand," Harwell nodded dejectedly. "I'm grateful to you for hanging in as long as you have."

"Well, we ain't ready to quit just yet," Mal said, and Harwell's face lifted some. "Truth is, we kinda hoped to stay around and work here permanent like, if you'll recall our earlier discussion. But I can't keep risking my ship and my crew without knowing there's an end to all this. Somewhere. Or at least a workable plan to put an end to it."

"I wish I had one," Harwell admitted. "But I don't know what else I can do, Captain. I hired the only men I could find that were trustworthy. And they put up a decent fight, too. But no matter how many men I can come up with, Zhang has more. And he's got deeper pockets than we do," Harwell admitted. "If I hire mercenaries, there's no guarantee that he won't just offer them more to sell me out."

Mal nodded in understanding. It was an age old problem.

"Have you had any contact with Zhang at all?"

"Just his weekly 'offer' to take our struggling business off our hands at a 'very reasonable price'. Which amounts to less than half what it's worth." Mal nodded again, having expected something of the sort. He sighed with frustration. He had really wanted this to work.

But he couldn't just keep his crew locked away forever. They were starting to show signs of fatigue, and _Serenity_ had to have regular maintenance, something hard to accomplish in the black. Maybe a place to call home and the hope of a steady paycheck had been too much to hope for after all.

"If you have any ideas, or suggestions, Captain, I'm willing to listen," Harwell interrupted his thoughts. "I've worked here for more than thirty years. Braz built this place from the ground up. Started out as a general store. I don't aim to just give up."

"Let me think on it," Mal said suddenly. "We've encountered things of this sort before, a time or two. Maybe we can come up with something."

"I'll try most anything that has a hope of success," Harwell assured him. "If you'll excuse me, Captain, I need to see how things are going." Mal watched as Harwell walked off, options running through his mind.

He wanted this to work out. Badly. His people deserved a place to hang their hats, a safe place to call home, and a chance of steady, dependable work. They had the promise of that here, but for this trouble with Jian Zhang. Zhang had deep pockets, Harwell said, so outlasting him probably wasn't an option.

Maybe Jayne was right, he decided reluctantly. Maybe it was time to take a more direct approach.

--------------------

"Hey, sis," Jayne said quietly as Ami walked out from behind a curtain, She looked exhausted. Her gloves and gown were covered in blood and soot from working on victims of both the raid and the resulting fire.

"_Ni hao_," Ami smiled tiredly.

"Better'n you, it looks like," Jayne snorted. She looked to his injured leg.

"It's fine," he assured her. "How 'bout you?"

"I'm so tired, Shade," she leaned against him. "It's never going to end. Or if it does, it will end badly, for us. So many hurt, so many dead," she shuddered. "I've been too long away from things like this, Shade. Forgotten how it can be."

"That ain't a bad thing _jie-mei_," Jayne said comfortingly. "Ain't a bad thing at all." She looked up with a smile.

"No, I suppose not," she agreed. "How's River?"

"Beautiful," Jayne grinned, and Ami laughed.

"You're a lucky man, _xiao xiong," _she grinned.

"That I am," he nodded with a smile, then turned serious. "Stormy, if we leave, I'm sure the Captain would let you haul freight with us. Somewhere away from this Zhang character, and all this," he waved his arm at their surroundings.

"I've thought about it," she admitted. "But where would I go, Shade? I don't have anywhere to go, and nothing to do when I get there."

"Could talk to Mal," Jayne offered. "He knows lots o' people. Might even know a ship needs a good medic. Ain't everyone lucky as we are, havin' a real Doc on board."

"I've thought about that too," she nodded. "But would I really be any safer on a ship than I am here?"

"Depends on the ship," Jayne admitted. "And where she works, what she does."

"I'll think about it," she promised. "I've got to get back to work. See you later?'"

"Should," he nodded. "Depends on Mal. But I don't think he'll leave 'til Simon ain't needed here no more. Mal's a soft touch for people hurtin'."

"He's not the only one," Ami poked his ribs, kissing his cheek. She had turned to go when Jayne called her back.

"Hey Stormy? Do me a favor?"

-------------------------------

"Jayne? Talk to you a minute?" The crew had just finished supper, and were beginning to break up. Jayne was helping River with the dishes. He looked at Mal for a minute, and nodded.

"Be right back, _bao-bei_," he whispered, gently patting her backside. She giggled softly, pinching him. Jayne followed Mal out onto the catwalk. The ship was still on the ground, and would be for at least a day.

"I been thinkin'," Mal said. "Maybe you had the right of it. We need to think on taking some action of our own. I'm tired of waiting and watching for someone to hit us." Jayne nodded.

"What you got in mind?" he asked softly.

"Looking for options," Mal admitted. "Got any?"

"Mal, you know me," Jayne said after a minute. "I say we kill him, and have done with it. He's responsible for a lot o' hurt and grief. Be a mercy for folks here if some tragedy were to befall him."

"Befall him?" Mal smirked. "You really are putting an effort into that, ain't ya?"

"I am," he nodded again. "Don't want to embarrass my Captain, or my girl."

"You ain't a embarrassment, Jayne," Mal told him. "Any man'd be right proud to have such as you on his crew. I know I am." Jayne beamed at the praise.

"As to the impending demise of said Mister Zhang," Mal went on, "I don't know that we could kill him. Don't know where he abides, what he looks like, or any useful information such as that."

"Information ain't hard to come by, Captain," Jayne pointed out. "Most likely everyone knows at least where 'bouts to find him. And we ain't got to get all that close no how. Bullet in the head can be done from five, six hundred yards. With the right man, and the right gun."

"Seems a bit. . ." Mal trailed off.

"Clean?" Jayne offered. "It is. And not very sportin' either. But he ain't deserving o' such no way."

"We're in agreement on that," Mal nodded. "Just seems too much like, well, murder, I guess."

"Pure self defense," Jayne argued. "He's tried to kill all of us at least once. And I'm right tired o' that. And," he added, "I'll tell you this. One more attempt on River? And I'm gonna pay him a visit anyway."

Mal smiled at the big man's protectiveness. He'd never had believed the two of them would ever wind up together. Course he'd learned a good deal about Jayne in the last couple months that he'd never imagined could be true, either.

"Well, be thinkin' on this," Mal ordered. "Try and come up with something other than outright assassination if you can. I'd prefer this be settled with a minimum of problems, as we hope to stay here when it's over."

"I'll be doin' that," Jayne assured him, returning to the kitchen.


	26. Chapter 26

Shades of the Past – Chapter Twenty-Five

_Don't own 'em. Just playing. Don't sue._

_------------------------_

The next morning everyone was working. The ship was empty for the first time in several weeks, and Jayne was taking advantage of that fact to clean the cargo bay properly. Kaylee was busy with maintenance, the reason for the two day stand down in the first place. Zoe had escorted Simon over to the infirmary, while Mal had gone to speak again with George Harwell.

River was on the bridge with Inara, giving the older woman a flying lesson. Inara was making a fine pilot, Jayne thought, especially after the little action when they had first landed on Argo.

Jayne stopped cleaning, and lifted his head. He had heard a noise. Looking toward the open cargo door, he saw a very nervous looking young man, holding two boxes. One large, one smaller.

"I have a delivery for a Mister Cobb," he announced. "And another for a Miss River?" Jayne walked over. "I'm Cobb." He took the small box and pocketed it, then reached up and hit the comm.

"River?"

"Yes, Jayne?" she answered after a minute.

"Someone to see you here at the cargo door," he told her with a smile.

"Who is it?" she asked, and he almost swore.

"Delivery of some kind," he replied neutrally.

"Can you take it, please?" she asked. "I'm right in the middle of something."

"He won't give to anyone but you," Jayne lied. "I already tried."

"Very well," she sounded tiffed. Well, she'd get over that in a minute. Jayne looked to the delivery boy.

"Here kid," he said, putting a coin in his hand. "Make sure she knows you had to give it to her, personally." He nodded, smiling at this unexpected largess. Jayne knew if River read the kid, she'd know the truth, but that was okay.

A minute later River came down the stairs, in a huff. She was muttering under her breath, but smiled when she reached the door.

"Yes?" she asked sweetly, smiling. "I'm River." The boy was speechless for a minute, staring at the lovely girl before him. Then he noticed the very large, up to now nice man, scowling at him over her shoulder. He started, and thrust the box out to her stiffly.

"Delivery for you ma'am," he said formally, trying to look somewhere else. _Anywhere_ else.

"Thank you," she smiled again, slipping him another coin. The boy nodded his thanks and scurried away, putting as much distance between himself and the very _large_ man on the ship as possible.

River started back to the bridge, stopping long enough to kiss Jayne on the cheek. She didn't say anything, and he didn't either, returning her kiss. As she left, he smiled gently, returning to his work.

He heard her shriek less than a minute later, and turned to the stairs just in time to catch ninety-eight pounds of genius reader assassin as she flung herself at him. She kissed him furiously.

"My Jayne is so thoughtful," she murmured, showering him with kisses. Inara arrived a few seconds later, alarmed by River's shout.

What's. . ." then she saw the box. She smiled when she saw the contents. Roses of every color and kind available on the planet were arrayed in a beautiful vase. Jayne was definitely smooth, she thought.

"Liked the flowers, I take it," Jayne growled, the rumble in his chest making River tremble.

"Oh, yes!" she breathed, clinging to him, her face buried in his neck. "Thank you!"

"Ain't nothin'," he said off-handed. "Girl beautiful as you deserves flowers, that's all." River straightened suddenly, looking into his eyes.

"My Jayne thinks I am beautiful?" she asked, a smile teasing her lips.

"You know your Jayne thinks you're beautiful," he grinned, placing his forehead to hers. "Your Jayne thinks you're perfect, in fact." River beamed at that, burying her face in his neck again, snuggling even closer. Jayne had the biggest grin on his face Inara had ever seen.

"Gahhhh! I can't be seeing that!" she heard Mal exclaim as he walked into the bay. Jayne reluctantly set River on the floor, but she continued to hug him tightly.

"Nice way to kill the mood, Mal," Inara said from above, rolling her eyes.

"Don't want any. . ._moodin'_, in my cargo bay. You both gotta bunk, use 'em."

River grinned up at Jayne, smirking suggestively. "Captain's orders," she prodded. Jayne had steadfastly refused any sort of sexual contact outside some rather heavy 'petting', and she needled him endlessly over it.

"Ain't happnin'," he said firmly, but she could tell he was weakening. And she _was_ patient.

"What?" Mal asked, shocked by what he thought he'd just heard. Jayne, turning down sex? With River?

"My Jayne is steadfast that we will have a proper courtship before engaging in physical intimacy," River said proudly. "We are not to approach our relationship haphazardly, he says, nor without due consideration."

"Huh?" Mal's mouth dropped open. "Jayne said that?"

"Jayne said that," River nodded once, definitely. "He is a very good man."

"Yes, he is, River," Inara said from the catwalk before Mal could say anything. "You should be very proud."

"I am," she sighed contentedly, gazing at Jayne with stars in her eyes. Jayne, by now, was a red as some of the roses he'd had Stormy order for him. But he looked Mal in the eye, and nodded at the unspoken question.

"You keep surprising me, Jayne," he shook his head in disbelief.

"My Jayne is full of surprises," River giggled. She kissed him once more, then reluctantly moved away.

"I must return to the bridge now," she told him. "But I will thank you more properly, later. In private," she added with a smirk at Mal. Tossing her hair off her shoulder, she marched up the steps. Taking Inara by the hand, she led the older woman back to the bridge, both giggling and whispering as they went.

------------------------------

Jayne knew things had been too smooth. He was right. Ami had returned to the ship with Zoe and Simon, and she and River had wandered outside, River gushing over her flowers, and talking excitedly with the older woman.

Jayne had hovered near the bay door, wanting to be close in anything happened, but even so he was caught by surprise when the shooting started.

Several shots rang out, and he heard a muffled cry. He grabbed Vera, always close to hand these days, and raced outside.

Perhaps a dozen men were shooting at anything that moved, and both River and Stormy were on the ground. Enraged, Jayne threw Vera to his shoulder and started shooting without regard for his own safety. He had already downed three men when Zoe and Mal entered the fray.

The raiders, caught by surprise, turned tail and ran. As soon as there was nothing else to shoot at, Jayne cast Vera aside and ran to where the two most important people in his life lay on the ground.

"Jayne," River gasped weakly, blood soaking her dress.

"Baby, why weren't you wearing your armor?" he asked in anguish.

"Didn't think. . .think I'd need it, this close to. . .to ship," she gasped out.

"Don't talk baby," he ordered, gathering her in his arms. Stormy was beside her, bleeding as well. Jayne ran toward the ship.

"Mal, get Stormy!" he yelled, never slowing. He raced on board the ship, screaming for Simon.

Jayne, Mal, and Kaylee waited outside the infirmary while Simon, with Inara's help, labored to save both River and Ami. Zoe stood guard at the cargo door, allowing Jayne to be near the infirmary. Mal would relieve her shortly.

Mal and Kaylee sat hugging each other, Kaylee crying softly. Mal watched Jayne closely, recalling their earlier discussion. Jayne was trembling, but Mal didn't know if it was fear of losing his two girls, or from rage. He'd have to watch the big man carefully, he knew.

Suddenly the infirmary door opened, and Simon emerged, looking worn and haggard. He looked to Jayne.

"River will be fine, Jayne," he said at once. "The bullet went through clean, and there was actually very little tissue damage. She should be up and around in a few days, barring complications." Jayne almost wilted in relief, until he noticed Simon's apprehension.

"Stormy?" he asked quietly. Simon laid a hand on his shoulder.

"I don't know yet, Jayne," he admitted. "Her wound was very serious. The bullet nicked her aorta, a vein in the heart. I think I've repaired the damage, found all the damage I mean, but she's lost a lot of blood. I've transfused her, and she's stable for now. Critical," he admitted, "but stable. I think if she makes it through the next twenty-four hours, she'll recover."

"But I won't lie to you, Jayne, it's bad," he finished. "I wish it were better."

"She's tough," Jayne assured him. "And River's fine? You're sure of that, right?"

"Yes," Simon nodded firmly. Jayne sighed deeply, nodding. He rose.

"I got things to do," he said quietly, and started up the stairs.

"Jayne," Mal called to him. Jayne hesitated, then looked back to Mal. The look in the big man's eyes shocked Mal. It was the same look he'd had after Mal had come to the bay to apologize. A look of. . .Mal fought a shudder, thinking maybe Ami had been wrong. Maybe he _had _met Shade after all. Or at least had a glimpse of him.

"Don't go off and do something. . .rash," Mal said kindly. "Let's get them both back on their feet, and then see to whatever needs seein' to, _Dong Ma_?" Jayne stood still for a very, _very_, long time. So long that Mal was starting to worry. Finally he nodded, once, and went up the stairs.

Simon watched him go, then turned to Mal.

"I think Mister Zhang has made a mistake." Mal continued to watch the stairs where his gun hand had disappeared, and nodded.

"I think you're right, Doc," he said softly. "A very, very, _large_ mistake."

---------------------------

Jayne was in his bunk, going through some things when there was a knock at his door. He opened the door, surprised to see Simon standing there.

"Can I come in?" the doctor asked. Jayne nodded, waving the smaller man inside. Simon stepped down inside the room, shocked to find it not just clean, but almost sterile, and ordered with military precision.

"Do for you, Doc?" Jayne asked quietly, his mind clearly elsewhere.

"I wanted to talk to you," Simon said. "I was wondering if you were. . ."

"I was about to come back to the infirmary," Jayne told him. "Didn't want River to wake up and me not there. Sides, she sat with me." Simon nodded his understanding.

"I couldn't help but notice, Jayne," Simon said quietly, "that Ami has, well, she's scarred rather badly. Practically all over. Do you know what happened to her?"

"Yes," Jayne said flatly. He looked at the Doc for a long time. "I assume she told you what we did? In the war?"

"Yes," Simon nodded. "And she mentioned being captured." Jayne nodded.

"She was. So was the rest of the team, them as wasn't killed. Except for me. I never was much of a team player, so I was alone. Stormy didn't like it, but she knew I worked better alone." He sighed deeply.

"I found her, and another of ours, called him Powder," he paused and looked at Simon. "We never knew each other's real name's, you understand. 'Cept me and Stormy, but that was different. Anyway," he continued, "I found 'em not long 'for daylight. Rest were dead, but they were hangin' on."

"I managed to get 'em down, they were bleedin' pretty good. Alliance had a special way o' dealing with Banshee's. I managed to get both of'em onto my shoulders, and headed out. Had to stop a time or two and kill sentries, but I was able to get 'em to an aid station. I didn't think she'd live," he said absently.

"After that, I went back," he told the doctor. "I found the officers who had done that to 'em. Heard 'em braggin'. So I tracked 'em. Caught 'em alone and killed'em. Put _their_ asses up on them crosses. Big wooden 'X', held up by logs." He looked at Simon, and the Doctor saw absolutely no forgiveness in his eyes.

"I did terrible things to those men," he said softly. "Made'em pay for what they did, and left a message for the rest. Hid out in their own camp, killin' as I went, wherever I could find someone alone, or even two alone." He laughed, but there was no humor in it. "Got so's they went about in groups, after a couple days. Made it harder."

"I slipped back across, and found Stormy at the field hospital. Powder had died while I was out. Been too far gone time I got him back."

"That's where them scars came from," he broke himself away from the past. "She was cut on pretty bad, but not so bad as the rest. Got to her later, and I sorta interrupted 'em." He seemed to struggle with himself for a moment, but then regarded Simon carefully.

"Doc, I know I ain't the kinda man you'd want to see your sister take up with," he said quietly. "And I know I ain't good enough for her. Told her so. I know you gotta have 'bout a million things goin' through your mind, listening to me talk about the old days. I ain't. . .I swear to you Doc, God to be my witness, I'd never hurt you sister in any way. I'd die for her. Take her place on that table right now, if I could. Hurt for her, if there was a way."

"I know that, Jayne," Simon replied. "I've known it for a while. And you're wrong. You're _exactly_ the kind of man I want to see my sister 'take up with', as you put it. A man who loves her, cherishes her, and can keep her safe. A _man_, not some core fop, or some kid who couldn't handle the fact that River is. . .special."

"Thank you, Simon," Jayne didn't know what else to say.

The two men exchanged a nod. Then Simon smiled.

"C'mon. My sister will be waking soon. She'll want to see you."


	27. Chapter 27

Shades of the Past – Chapter Twenty-Six

_All previous disclaimers are still in effect!_

_-------------------_

River slowly swam up from the depths, forcing her eyes open with the greatest of difficulty. She felt like she was being held down by something. As her eyes focused on the ceiling above, she looked around her. She remembered being outside, with Ami, then. . .she'd been shot! She tried to move, and groaned at the pain.

The weight disappeared, and Jayne's head popped into view.

"Baby?" Her heart leaped at the worry in his voice. She smiled, or thought she did, and squeezed his hand. Jayne had fallen asleep with her hand in his. The weight she had felt was his head, resting by her side.

"Jayne," she whispered, hoarse from thirst. He grabbed a cup of water with a straw in it from the nearby table, and held it for her. She drank gratefully.

"Better, now?" he asked, watching her closely. She nodded.

"Much better," she whispered. "How long have you been here?"

"I don't really know," he shrugged. "I came in and sat down not long after Simon finished. Been here ever since."

"You should be resting," she told him.

"Like I'm gonna rest while you're in here," he snorted. "You scared me, baby girl. I thought. . .there for a minute, I wasn't sure. . ." he trailed of, and she felt her heart twist up when his eyes watered.

"Sorry, Jayne," she said, squeezing his hand still tighter. "I was bad. Should have worn my armor, like you told me. Promise I won't do it again."

"You better not," Jayne told her. "I can't. . .I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you, girl," he said softly, stroking her forehead. He leaned down and kissed her forehead gently.

"Promise," she repeated. "What about Ami?" she asked.

"She's still out," he nodded. River turned her head to see Ami on the other bed, tubes and monitors attached in several places. She looked back to Jayne.

"Bad?" she asked. He nodded.

"Simon did all he can, now we just have to wait and see," he told her quietly. "But she's a strong old gal," he added with a wink. "Just like you."

"Not an old gal," River grumped, feigning hurt. Jayne laughed softly.

"No, you're not," he kissed her softly. "But you're _my _gal." She smiled tiredly, happy in spite of her pain. "I need to get Simon," he said. She nodded, and reluctantly released his hand.

Simon was in the room in a minute. "How are you feeling, River?" he asked.

"Like I was shot," she retorted. "Boob." He laughed.

"Well, that's because you were shot," he told her. "But it wasn't as serious as it might have been. The wound was clean, missed any organs or major veins or arteries. All in all, you were very lucky."

"I suppose if you aren't the one lying here, _shot_, it could seem that way," River groused. Sounding remarkably like Jayne. He shook his head, and looked to where Jayne was standing in the doorway.

"You're definitely rubbing off on her," he sighed. Jayne smirked.

"He's rubbing _on_ me, anyway," River teased, and Simon's face went scarlet.

"_Mei-mei_, that's really information I don't need," he stammered. She giggled then, and he realized she was just doing it to get a rise from him.

"Boob," she laughed.

"Brat," he retorted, and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I'm glad to see you awake. You'll have to take it easy for several days, but you should heal fine. Only," he looked smug, "no rubbing until the wound is healed." River scowled, but Jayne didn't.

"Whatever you say, Doc," he said. "Right, baby girl?" He gave her the look he reserved for when he was really, _really_, serious about something, and she knew she wasn't going to win.

"Yes, Jayne," she nodded. Simon's mouth dropped, his eyes going wide. He whirled on Jayne.

"How did you do that?" he asked in wonder.

"Do what?" Jayne looked confused.

"Get her to agree like that? She never does that with me!"

"I don't ask much of her," Jayne shrugged. "I don't ask what she can't give. I don't make unreasonable demands. When I _do_ demand something, she knows it's for her own good. She doesn't always like it, but she usually does it."

Simon shook his head, muttering. River laughed in delight at his consternation. Jayne gave her a mock scowl.

"No picking on your brother, little bit," he winked. "He's fixed you up good."

"Very well, Jayne," she said softly, playing along. Simon looked like he was going to self-combust. He busied himself looking over Ami's monitors, and checking her vitals.

Jayne walked back over to her side, and sat down. He was fighting a laugh, and she was too. He covered it by taking her hand in his, and kissing it softly.

"He's so easy," she whispered, then giggled. Jayne covered a laugh with a coughing fit. He reached up and pulled a strand of hair that had fallen across her face, tucking it gently behind her ear.

The softness of the act, the gentleness, almost made her melt. She had fought long and hard to get this man's attention. Waited patiently for him to see the woman she was, rather than the girl she had been. Waited for her Alpha Male to step up.

Now, as she pulled his hand, gently guiding him close enough to snuggle up alongside, she was glad. He was worth the effort.

-------------------------

A few minutes later Simon was calling Jayne outside. When the two were in the lounge, Simon looked at Jayne seriously.

"Jayne, Ami's blood pressure is falling. Slowly, but I can't stop it. I've tried everything I have, that I can think of. If it doesn't start climbing, and soon. . .Jayne I don't think she'll make it." Jayne looked stunned.

"I thought if she. . .you said if she made it through the night. . ."

"I know," Simon nodded. "And that's what I'm telling you. She didn't. Her pressure started falling last night, and I've been working to stop it. But I can't."

"So she ain't gonna make it, you think?" Jayne almost choked on the words.

"I don't know," Simon said helplessly. "If I can figure out what's making it drop in the first place, maybe. But I. . .I want you to be prepared, Jayne. I promise I'm doing everything I know how to do. . ." he stopped as Jayne raised a hand.

"Doc, I know that without you telling me," he said quietly. "And I don't. . ._won't_ blame you if she don't pull through. Nor should you. Ain't no one to blame for all this misery but Zhang. And he'll get his soon enough."

Simon suppressed a shudder at the frigidity in Jayne's voice. He'd never seen him like this. The normally hot blooded merc was suddenly cold, cold as stone. And his eyes spoke of violence the likes of which Simon hoped he never encountered. Suddenly, Ami's words of warning to Mal shot through his mind.

_You can handle _Jayne_. You've never _met_ Shade. Pray you don't. Ever._

Simon realized then, that Zhang was about to meet Shade. And he wasn't going to enjoy the experience.

-----------------------------

Ami's blood pressure continued to fall, despite everything Simon could do. Employees from the plant came to the ship, staying only a few minutes, bringing flowers and offering prayers. It was all they could do. Harwell visited at least thee times during the following day. It was apparent that he was stricken to see her lying there.

"She delivered my first child," he said suddenly, during his midday visit. He looked up at Mal. "My wife went into labor early. Right during the worst snowstorm we'd had in years. I was beside myself in panic. The Doc couldn't get through."

"I called Amelia, and here she was, in the infirmary. Delivered my baby boy without turning a hair, like she'd done it all her life. Later she confided in me that he was the first baby she'd ever had to deliver." He shook his head. "We're lost so much here, with this, this. . ._conflict_. I don't think I can bear to loose her as well."

"Well," Mal said after a moment. "It looks bad Mister Harwell. But Simon's one of the best Doc's I ever come 'cross. If she can be saved, he'll find a way."

But Simon couldn't find a way. Later that afternoon, just as Harwell arrived to visit, Ami crashed suddenly. Simon worked feverishly to revive her, using the paddles on her seven times. Doing CPR for over half an hour. In the end, it wasn't enough.

Amelia 'Stormy' Weathers, was dead.

-----------------------

She was laid to rest on the premises. She'd had no home, having lived in a small apartment over the infirmary. Harwell asked Jayne if wanted her effect, but the big man could only nod. He'd found the woman who had been like a sister to him, after believing for so long that she'd died already. And now, after a few short weeks of short visits, and hurried meals, he'd lost her again.

And knew this time, for sure, she wasn't going to turn up anywhere else.

Her funeral was simple. The plant employees gathered with the crew, and sang a few hymns. The local preacher said the eulogy. River had insisted that she be allowed to attend, and Jayne had carried her in his arms to the grave site, placing her carefully into a chair brought from the plant office. She held his hand all the way through the service.

As the service broke up, Jayne gathered River into his arms again, and walked back to the ship. The little reader was shivering, but not from cold. She was trembling from the cold rage rolling off the man she'd come to love. It was an emotion she'd never sensed in him, and it frightened her.

Pain and grief rolled off of him in waves, and she whimpered at the pain they caused, but he couldn't help it. And not all of it was over Ami, either. More of his fury was caused by the fact that his woman, his _mate_, had also been injured. _Twice_. At the hands of someone working for this man, Zhang.

He'd lost his family once. He'd just lost his second family. He wouldn't sit by and loose her too. Nor the rest of them.

"Jayne," she whispered into his ear.

"Don't worry, baby girl," he held her closer, moving up the ramp, heading back into the ship. "It's gonna be fine. Gonna be just fine."

She felt the determination in him, just as she could hear it in his voice. He was like iron. Cold, hard, unyielding.

"Jayne," she whispered again, hugging his so tight that she wondered he could still breathe.

"It's okay, River," he assured her, but his voice was flat, carried no emotion.

"It's not okay," she whimpered, drawing closer to him. It wasn't okay at all. But there was nothing she could do to fix it.

Shade was going on the warpath.


	28. Chapter 28

Shades of the Past – Chapter Twenty-Seven

_It's just a story, using characters I don't own, or claim too. No pay for it either.:)_

----------------------------

_Two days later_

Jayne stood inside the treeline bordering Zhang's estate. It had been stupidly simple to find out where the crime lord lived. And to discover that he was usually home. He still didn't know what he looked like, but that was a trivial thing.

He wasn't planning on anyone inside the mansion seeing the next sunrise.

He sat, patiently, watching the comings and goings of Zhang's people. Marking patrol lines, checking for dogs, looking for surveillance systems and alarms.

It had surprised him how easily he had slipped back into the killer he had once been. It bothered him that it should be so easy. But not enough that he wasn't still going to do what he'd set before himself to do.

Satisfied that he had the clock memorized on the place, he slipped to his feet, pocketing the binoculars he'd been using. He checked his weapons, and the small pouch hooked to his belt, ensuring all was in order. He was wearing an outfit his crew mates had never seen. Consisting of oddly shaped swatches of different subdued colors, the outfit would help him become part of the shadows around him, and break up his image.

He thought back on how long he and Stormy had been together. In the scope of a life, it hadn't been that long. But to a fifteen year old, it was almost a lifetime.

-----------------------------

"_What are you fighting for?" he asked her suddenly._

"_What's that, kid?" Stormy looked up from the book she was reading._

"_What are you fighting for?" he asked again, curiosity on his young features. She stared at him for a moment, surprised. It was rare for him to initiate a conversation, even with her. It was even more rare to see any sign of emotion on his young face. Or interest in his eyes._

"_Well," she answered finally, "I'm fighting for a lot of things, I guess, kid. I'm fighting because I don't like some government telling me how to live. I'm fighting because that same government let my mother die when they didn't provide the meds they promised when we 'joined' the Alliance. I'm fighting because my father went broke paying taxes on things he already owned to fund that government, and killed himself when he lost everything, and couldn't provide for his family anymore."_

"_Mostly I'm fighting because I'm tired of doing nothing, I guess. Tired of watching folks die, tired of seeing people treated like dirt." She looked at her young charge. "What are you fighting for, Shade?"_

"_Vengeance" he said simply. "To kill those who took my family. My home. To extract punishment for those crimes, to avenge my family, to honor my clan."_

"_Well, those are good reasons I should think," Stormy nodded, surprised by the bluntness of his answers. "But you know, not all Alliance soldiers are like the men who killed your family. Some of them are just like us. Folks just trying to get by." He shrugged._

"_Too bad," was all he said. Before she could say more, he was gone. Faded into the night._

"_Can't kill'em all kid!" she called after him, knowing he could hear._

"_But maybe I can kill enough," his answer floated in from the dark._

_-------------------------_

"That's what I'm gonna do tonight, Stormy. Gonna kill'em all. All should be enough." With that he left his cover, and headed for the house.

--------------------------

"Has anyone seen Jayne?" Mal asked, walking into the galley. It was near to supper time. He'd wanted to see the big merc, make sure he was okay. But so far he wasn't around.

"'Spect he's in his bunk, sir," Zoe answered. "Or in the infirmary with River."

"Already checked both places," Mal shook his head. "No luck. I'll see if he's outside."

"He's not," River's voice surprised them all.

"You hadn't ought'a be out'a bed, Albatross," Mal said sternly.

"I'm fine," she replied, but she wasn't Mal could see.

"Sweetie, why don't I help you back to bed?" Zoe offered, walking over the help her.

"Jayne has gone," she said softly. Sadly.

"Gone?" Mal parroted, not liking the sound of that.

"Gone on the warpath, Captain," she told him, tears trailing down her cheeks.

"_Ai ya_," Zoe muttered to herself.

"_Tah mah de," _Mal agreed. "You sure, River? He ain't just slipped out to get drunk?" The little reader shook her head.

"Wolf goes to kill the dogs. No more pain. No more worry. Protecting his family." Her disjointed sentences were a sign of how upset she was. She only slipped into River-speak when she was overwhelmed.

"Do you know where he is, River?" Mal asked quietly.

"Lions den. Surrounded by scorpions," was all she could manage.

"Sir, it has to be Zhang," Zoe said, guiding River into a chair. "He's going after Zhang."

"I know," Mal nodded, rubbing his hair back and making a scrubbing motion across his head. "But I don't know where Zhang is."

"Harwell might," Zoe pointed out. "We can ask him."

"No," River shook her head. "He will call lawman. Must let events take their course, Captain Daddy. He does for adopted family what he could not do for his own."

"River, I ain't mad," Mal said softly. "I know what he's doin', and why. I just want to help him. Help me find him so he don't have to do it alone." River raised her tear stained face and looked into Mal's eyes. He was shocked at the look of hopelessness in her face.

"Needs no help. Wants no help. Clouds have brought the Shade. The Shade will cover all with darkness."

--------------------------

Jayne slipped his arm around the head of the guard, plunging his knife into the side of his throat, and ripped down and forward. In seconds the guard was dead. He quickly drug the body behind a bush. In the faint light given off by the house, Jayne could see a patch on his arm. He stiffened as he realized he'd seen it before.

--------------------------

"_Whatcha got there, kid," Stormy asked, seeing Shade looking at something carefully in his hands. He looked up at her. After a moment, he simply handed it to her. It was a scrap of uniform cloth, she realized. Alliance. Sewn to it was a patch bearing the likeness of a black and silver scorpion, with red details. _

"_Where'd you get this?" she asked quietly. "Where did it come from?"_

"_I found it when my family was killed," he said quietly. "Only clue I have as to who did it."_

"_Do you know what this is?" she asked him, eyes wide. He just looked back at her, face blank._

"_It's the shoulder patch of an Alliance special forces unit, called the Scorpions," she told him, handing it back. "You don't want any part of them," she added._

"_No I don't want any part of them," he nodded, voice calm. "I want their heart. I want their whole being." She gaped at him._

"_Kid, look. I know you're hurting. We all lost somebody to the war. But this ain't like hunting normal Alliance soldiers. These guys are killers. Plain and simple."_

_He reached into one of the bags he was always carrying, and pulled out a pile of scrap material, handing it to her. She was shocked to see at least twenty of the elite Scorpion patches in the bundle, most with blood stains._

"_I know what they are," he said quietly. "They die just as easy as any other Alliance pawn." He replaced the bundle, then placed the other in his pocket, the one from his family's massacre. He rose swiftly, and she couldn't help but marvel at the grace of his movements. He was just a kid, she told herself, but his movements spoke of power, and grace, that most adults never mastered. _

"_Look, kid," she tried again. "We got a job to do, okay? We can't let personal vendettas get in the way of getting our job done."_

"_Hunt on my own time," he assured her. "Not always on the job." He shrugged._

"_Need a hobby, you told me, once." He almost grinned. Almost._

"_Shade, don't do something stupid, okay," she pleaded. "You're the closest thing to a family I have." He looked at her._

"_You are the same to me," he assured her softly. "Blood sister. I won't do anything 'stupid'."_

"_Promise?" she asked._

"_Promise."_

_----------------_

"_Tah ma de,"_ he whispered. The patch was identical. That could only mean. . .

He rose as the thought hit him. Inside this house coould be the man who had been responsible for the death of his family. The man who had changed the course of his life, been the cause of so much pain.

Slowly a grin spread across his face.

_Everything happens for a reason_.

Jayne moved. Time for an evening. A Reckoning.

-----------------------

"I'm sorry to bother you, Mister Harwell, but I need some information. I need to know where Zhang lives. And I need to know right quick. I have to rely on your discretion about that, too. Seems one o' my crew has taken Ami's loss pretty serious."

"Cobb?" Harwell asked, a knowing look in his eye. "Ami told me they were close."

"Well, I'd. . ." Mal began.

"It's alright, Captain," Harwell assured him. "Your man was here earlier today, asking after Zhang. I told him everything I knew. Ami was my friend, Captain. I understand the concept of vengeance." Mal released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

"I need to find him, sir," Mal stressed.

"If even half of what Ami told me was true, you won't," Harwell told him bluntly. He scribbled a note on a piece of paper, and handed it to Mal.

"This is where Zhang's mansion sits," he said. "It's isolated. Hard to get to. And very well guarded. Though I don't expect that to slow your man down any."

"Thanks," Mal pocketed the paper.

"Captain," Harwell said, as Mal turned away. Mal looked back.

"Be careful. I have a shipment due to leave day after tomorrow. Need my transport Captain ready to deliver it." He smiled, and Mal felt his tension fade away. He'd worried that this might cost them the job. He nodded his thanks, and departed.

Harwell watched him go, then turned to look up into the stars.

-------------------

Jayne had worked his way around the perimeter. There were no more guards. He had heard little from inside the house. He had an idea how many were inside, but not where they were. He shrugged. He'd just work his way through.

With a feral grin, he opened the door, and slipped inside.

--------------------

"Zoe. Let's fly!" Mal shouted. He and Zoe were taking the second shuttle, hoping to find Jayne before he got into something he couldn't handle.

"On it, sir," she replied, running to join him. Inara showed up, looking apprehensive.

"Inara, better have the ship cleared to leave, just in case," he told her.

"Please be careful, Mal," she asked softly, kissing him briefly. "And bring him back."

"I will," he assured her grimly.

He and Zoe moved into the shuttle, and thirty seconds later were in the air.

Inara watched them depart, then returned to the galley. River was still sitting there.

"_Mei-mei_, why don't you let me help you back to the infirmary?" River shook her head.

"Want to stay here," she said quietly. "Want to be here when he gets back."

"He wouldn't want you to hurt yourself," Inara pointed out. "He loves you very much."

"I know," she whispered. "If not for me, he wouldn't have gone. Wants to make sure they can't hurt me again." Inara was stunned. She hadn't even thought of that, assuming that Jayne was extracting revenge for Ami.

"He is," River assured her. "But would not have left me to do it. Have hurt me twice, now. Won't be a third time."

"I'm sure Mal and Zoe will find him," Inara comforted her. River snorted.

"No one will find him until he wants to be found," she told Inara flatly. "By then it will be done."

"You think Jayne will try and take Zhang and his men alone?" Inara asked.

"Not try," River shook her head. "Will. Wolf amongst sheep. Tear the head from the Scorpion. Set things to right." With that, she closed her eyes, and leaned back on the sofa, resting. Inara covered her with a blanket, and settled in beside her.

To wait.

-----------------------

"We gotta hustle, Zoe," Mal urged.

"Ain't gonna do him no good, we get shot down, sir," Zoe pointed out.

"He hadn't oughta gone off like that," Mal said. "Dammit, just when I think I can trust him, he up and does this _go se_!"

"Just what is it that he's done, makes you think you can't trust him, sir?"

"He shoulda told me!" Mal shot back. "He shouldn'a gone off alone like this!"

"You know why he did it, sir," Zoe replied calmly. "He ain't got it in him to sit back and see any of us hurt anymore. Especially River."

"I never saw that coming," he shook his head. "Should have, I guess. But I didn't."

"Don't know how you missed it," Zoe smiled softly. "She's chased him all over the ship. Wore him down."

"That, more than anything, made me trust him," Mal grinned. "Never thought I'd see Jayne Cobb run from a willin' woman."

"Took a while for him to see her as a woman at all, sir," Zoe grinned back. "Let alone willing. I think he thought she had a teen-age crush, and he didn't want to encourage her."

"She didn't need it," he snorted. "And he oughta know, by now, that she's older than any teenager he's ever known."

"'cept maybe himself, sir," Zoe observed somberly. "They're a lot alike."

"True enough, I guess," Mal nodded. "Still make an odd pair, though. Don't they?"

"No more than me and Wash, sir," Zoe said sadly. Mal looked over at her.

"I'm sorry I said that, Zoe," he told her. She shrugged.

"Life goes on, sir," she said philosophically. "Just cause Wash is gone, doesn't mean I ain't got his memory. Our memories. And, like I said. Jayne and River ain't no more odd than he and I were."

"Guess not, at that," Mal agreed, thinking about them. Everyone who'd ever seen them together had probably thought the same thing. Silly, funny little Wash, and tall, strong, stoic Zoe. Didn't seem to make much sense, until you saw the way they looked at each other. The way they cared for each other.

Thinking on it, he could see the same thing in Jayne and River. He knew that Jayne was doing this to protect River, more than anything. He'd want revenge for Ami, true. But that wouldn't take him from River's side when she was hurt. Twice the little assassin had been injured by one of Zhang's hired hands. Both times had been traumatic for Jayne.

He was unused to having anyone to care about, Mal knew. Finding River had given him that. And Zhang had almost taken her from him. And Zoe was right. Jayne didn't have it in him to sit back and do nothing.

He pushed those thoughts aside as they neared Zhang's compound. Time to get to work. He needed his gunhand back.


	29. Chapter 29

Shades of the Past – Chapter Twenty-Eight

_I don't own the rights to Firefly, Serenity, or anything else. I'm ownless. Without ownership. Just having fun with what's there. :)_

-----------------

Once inside the house, Jayne had to admit he was impressed. The layout was lavish, to say the least. Ornate fixtures adorned every corner, nook, and cranny. Gold and silver trim seemed to be on everything. He smiled as he remembered the simple things his mother had used in their small home. She'd have took one look at these things, and turned her nose.

He shook of the memory, and began to stalk silently through the house. He knew there were occupants, and likely some would be guards. There was also sure to be a security system, likely video, and possibly infrared. Even a shade couldn't hide from all that.

So he moved quickly.

------------------------

"Given any thought to how we're gonna find Jayne when we get there, sir?" Zoe asked. "Can't exactly walk up to the front door and announce we're looking for a homicidal member of our crew who takes exception to his woman being shot by the owner's thugs."

"No, I can see where that could be problematical," Mal snorted. "I don't know, Zoe. Only thing I can think of is too land as close as we can, and then see if we can find Jayne."

"Don't think we'll find Jayne, sir," Zoe observed. "Not unless he wants us to."

"Thought about that myself," Mal muttered, wondering if Ami's tale had been accurate. If it was, then Jayne was the damn Grim Reaper.

"Looks like we're coming up on the house, sir," Zoe observed.

"Swing around, and see if we can find a place to land. Not so close as to call attention, but close enough we ain't got to run half a day to get away."

"Right," Zoe nodded, rolling her eyes. Like she'd never done anything like this before.

"Looks good, right there," Mal pointed, and Zoe started her descent.

"This side seat driving is gettin' old, sir."

----------------------

Jayne had encountered three guards on the ground floor. None of them had seen him coming. Nor would they ever see anything else. Satisfied that the ground floor was clear, he started up the winding staircase.

As he neared the top floor, he heard the sound of women laughing. He stilled at that. He hadn't thought about finding women here. Were there children, as well? He had seen no signs of children. Neither outside, nor in the parts of the house he'd already visited.

He shrugged. His family and children had as much right to live as Zhang's. He should have picked on someone else, or hired better guards.

With that thought, he moved stealthily down the hallway, where he could now hear a man's voice. That's where he headed first.

--------------------

"Well, this is a fine idea," Zoe grumbled, as she and Mal fought their way through the briars and bushes that blocked Mal's 'shortcut'.

"It looked closer," Mal huffed, removing another thorn from his already bleeding leg.

"You say so, sir," Zoe muttered. Having discovered a thorn in a _very_ sensitive spot had not improved her mood. "At this rate, it'll be light before we get there."

"If then," Mal agreed, pulling yet another thorn from his arm. "I'm open to suggestions." he added.

"I _suggested_ we go 'round earlier, sir," Zoe shot back crossly, busy with her own thorn removal.

"Well, then suggest something _now_," Mal retorted. "I can't see an end to. . ." he broke off as he pushed aside another bush, and found the way clear before him. He turned to Zoe, smirking. The smirk died as he noticed the ferocious scowl she was wearing.

"Told you it was closer," he mumbled. Together they set off to the house.

------------------------

Jayne paused outside the door, listening. He could identify one man's voice and three females. He sniffed the air. There was the faint aroma of wine, something stronger, and a heavy perfume. He smiled. Zhang was entertaining, maybe? Well, he had something to liven up the evening. He stepped back, lifted his foot, and kicked the door open.

Zhang was indeed entertaining. Three whores shrieked as the door come completely off it's hinges and fell to the floor. They watched, eyes wide, mouths agape, as a giant specter entered the room. His face was painted in a montage of colors, but they recognized a killer when they saw one.

"Who in the hell. . .!" the man sputtered, rising from the bed. Jayne eyed the man he'd come for. He wasn't much to look at. Around the same size as Simon, he guessed, little broader. Stronger looking, a bit. Asian features that most women would probably find attractive were marred by anger.

He looked at the women.

"Get out," Jayne ordered. "And keep going. Don't look back." The whores grabbed whatever clothes they could find and flew the coop. Zhang turned suddenly to his night stand. He had the gun in his hand and was raising it when a grip of steel fell over his fingers. He heard the bones snap as a vise closed around his hand.

"You'd be Zhang, I figure," the specter said. Zhang nodded in pain.

"You have no idea how much trouble you are in, my friend," Zhang growled through his pain.

"Heard it before," Jayne was unconcerned. "Won't help," he added, as Zhang reached for an alarm buzzer. "They're dead." Zhang looked to him in disdain.

"You can't kill all of my men, _hundan_," he snarled. "They're some of the finest men in all the. . ." he trailed off as Jayne held out a handful of patches. Zhang looked to them, horror dawning on his face.

"You," he breathed, looking into the unforgiving eyes of the giant apparition before him.

"Me," Jayne nodded. "Been killing your kind for years," he added with a smirk.

"You tortured my men during the war," Zhang trembled, from rage, not fear. "A waste of time, as they knew nothing."

"Never asked 'em anything, so I wouldn't know," Jayne shrugged, and Zhang's eyes went wide.

"I did it cause I liked it," Jayne told him, a very nasty smile pasting across his face. "And now, I've found the head bug himself."

"I have money," Zhang stammered. "I can pay you handsomely." Jayne looked down in disgust. He'd at least expected the man he'd hunted for so long to make a decent effort to fight.

"How much money we talkin' 'bout?" Jayne asked, an idea comin' to him.

Zhang grinned inside. He'd knew this ignorant peasant could be swayed by money. Outwardly, he still trembled.

"I have a safe," he pointed to a door. "It's full, but only I can open it. You take what's inside, and let me live."

"Open it up, then," Jayne replied, pointing. "But don't try nothin' funny." He almost smiled, but wanted to make Zhang believe. The smaller man went slowly to the door, and opened it, leading the way into a small office.

Jayne stepped in carefully, looking for any sign of a trap. Zhang snorted softly. The barbarian oaf. The only trap in this room lay in his superior mind. He went to the safe, and entered a code. Pulling the door open, he stuck his arm inside and came out with a small pistol. Turning, he prepared to kill his attacker.

But no one was there.

A strong arm enveloped him, and he felt a sharp piercing at his neck. The arm released him, and he fell to floor, unable to move.

"Thought I'd let you play a little," the mocking voice came to him from the dark. "And I will take the money, seeing as how you've caused a lotta people a lotta pain. But you? You ain't gonna live."

Jayne quickly cleared the safe out, not bothering to see what anything was. It didn't matter anyway. The money would help cover the damage to the ship, and could help the people affected by Zhang's violence. When he finished, he stood.

Walking over to the small gas heater, he reached down and yanked the hose from it's back, the room instantly filling with the pungent smell of the fuel. He placed a small block on the heater, flipping a switch as he did so.

He paused on his way out, looking down at Zhang, still struggling to move.

"You made a mistake, Zhang," he said calmly. "Long time ago on a little rim moon called Tokala. Doubt you remember it. But I do. You killed my family. Only fair that you pay for it, even this late."

"But you might have gotten away with that, 'cept you killed a friend o' mine, like family. And you hurt my woman. Can't let that stand. I'd carve on ya some, but since you can't feel nothin' from the neck down, won't do no good." He walked to the door, but stopped and looked back.

"I'll see you in hell, Zhang," he nodded. "You can save me a seat." With that he was gone.

Zhang tried with every fiber of his being to move. He ordered his traitorous limbs to work, to get him away from the danger. But they wouldn't respond. This couldn't be happening. He was Jian Zhang, the Scorpion! He could _not_ be defeated by some rim-born peasant from a back water moon! His mind was superior!

He was still thinking that when the gas finally took his consciousness away.

--------------------

"Gorramit, Zoe!" Mal exclaimed. "I told you this was leading us into a ditch!"

"So you did, sir," Zoe nodded. "But there's no thorns."

"And no way to get out except to go back!" Mal hissed sharply. He turned and trudged back the way they had came. Zoe followed.

As they came to the shallower end of the 'ditch', Mal grabbed a handful of some kind of tree, and levered himself up, then turned to help Zoe. They were cleaning themselves off, _again!_, when a voice floated to them from the dark.

"Looking for me?" Jayne asked softly.

"Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Mal jumped two feet from the ground, turning and drawing his pistol as he did so. Zoe had also started, but she had recognized Jayne's voice, and simply turned.

"You are gettin' a gorram _bell_! Don't _do _that! Scared the _go se_ outta me." Mal muttered, looking for Jayne.

"What are you two doing here?" Jayne asked, appearing out of the dark as if by magic.

"We came to help you," Zoe said stoically, cutting her eyes to Mal.

"Don't need it," Jayne replied, "but thanks for doin' it. Makes me feel all loved and wanted." He grinned and Zoe laughed in spite of herself. Jayne had come a long way.

"You already. . .I mean what did. . .what have you done, Jayne?" Mal finally stammered out, eyeing the bag the gun hand was carrying. He half expected it to have Zhang's head inside.

"Well, Zhang offered me a lotta money to let him live," Jayne shrugged. "So, I took the money."

"What?" Mal's expression was one of utter shock.

"Well, he don't need it," Jayne explained. "And there's a lotta people he's hurt will benefit from it, 'cludin' you, since the ship was banged up. So I let him open his safe, and took the money."

"You sold out? Took the money?" Mal's voice was quiet, unbelieving. Jayne out on a hurt face.

"Mal, after all this time, you still don't trust me," he said. "'Course I took the money! I just told you why!"

"And you let Zhang live," Mal said.

"So far," he nodded, then looked to Zoe. He offered her a small black box, one silver switch glaring.

"Wanna do the honors?" he smiled. She grinned and took the detonator.

"Jayne, what is. . ." Mal started to ask, then Zoe hit the switch.

The explosion lit up the night, turning it to day. Pieces of the mansion were blown far and wide, and Mal yelled, hitting the dirt. Zoe ducked behind Jayne, who simply watched with grim satisfaction, nodding. As things began to settle, he turned to the first mate.

"You do good work, Zoe," he grinned. Zoe tossed the box back with a laugh.

""How'd you know?" she asked. "That I like that?"

"Didn't for sure," he admitted. "But you got the look," he added with a wink. "How 'bout we get our fearless Cap'n off the ground, and make with the gettin' the hell outta here? Fire's bound to attract unwanted attention."

As they helped Mal to his feet, the Captain was complaining. Of course.

"Gorramit Jayne!" he screeched. "How 'bout some warning 'fore pulling a stunt like that! Coulda blown all out heads off, or we coulda been killed by falling debris, or. . .or. . .I'm the Captain! Deserve some warning!"

"You're right, Cap'n," Jayne nodded seriously. "I'm sorry. Shoulda warned ya."

"What the hell did you put in there?" Mal asked, to shocked at Jayne's apology to keep ranting.

"Just some stuff," he shrugged. "Pulled all the gas lines in the house, and left a little somethin' at each one," he grinned. "Thought it'd make a nice boom."

"Boom?" Mal launched into a new tirade. "_Boom_! You call that a. . .a _boom_? You like to lit half the planet on fire!"

"Wasn't that bad, sir," Zoe smiled. She reached up and grabbed his sleeve. "Not that way, sir."

"It's the way we came!" he snorted. Jayne looked at the thorns.

"You came through that?" he asked. Zoe grimaced and nodded.

"Wow," Jayne was impressed. "I'm touched. That you guys would do that for me. Especially when there's a trail right over here that leads around the thorns and up the. . ."

"Jayne!" Mal and Zoe exclaimed at once.

"Was just sayin'," Jayne muttered, leading the way to the trail with a grin.

"C'mon. Let's go home."

Mal and Zoe exchanged a glance. Jayne had referred to _Serenity_ as home twice now. He was definitely changing. For the better.

Mostly.


	30. Chapter 30

Shade of the Past – Chapter Epilogue

_Don't sue don't sue aint got a clue! I own nothing but the series on DVD, the Serenity DVD, and the Collector's DVD and . . . well you get the idea :) Not my characters, not my idea, not my stuff_

_-------------------_

Inara had drifted off the sleep beside River, and was startled when the girl jerked awake suddenly.

"Shade is gone," she said quietly. "Light returns." She turned to Inara, smiling. "They are on their way home."

"All of them?" Inara asked, and River nodded.

"Yes. Zhang has met the wolf, and the scorpion has no more sting," she stated firmly. "Family unit now safe, wolf is happy."

"I assume Jayne is the wolf?" Inara asked with a smile.

"Alpha Male," River nodded happily.

"Don't let Mal hear you say that," Inara snickered, and River grinned.

"Captain Daddy already knows," she said smugly. "But he is secure in the knowledge that Jayne thinks of us all as family, and would not betray him."

"Well, I guess it's okay then," Inara laughed.

---------------------

As the shuttle docked with the ship, Mal was still complaining.

"And no more runnin' off on your own, either, Gorramit! We are a crew and we do things _as_ a crew! _Dong Ma?_"

"I won't Cap'n," Jayne agreed with longsuffering. "This was a special case, is all."

"Ain't no sucha thing as a special case, Jayne," Mal told him seriously. "We're a family. We look out for one another."

"That's just what I was doin' Cap'n," Jayne smiled, handing him the sack filled with the contents of Zhang's safe. "That's just what I was doin'." With that he headed out the hatch, eager to see someone. Mal shook his head, looking into the bag.

"_Ai ya!"_ he exclaimed, eyeing the loot. Zoe peered inside and whistled.

"Damn," was all she could muster. "Oughta be able to fix the ship with that." she commented, then looked up at Mal.

"And sir?" Mal looked up at her.

"You ever lead me through a patch of thorns again, I'll shoot you." She rose and headed for the hatch.

"You'd shoot me, Zo'?," Mal whined.

"In the leg," she nodded firmly. "Not one more thorn, sir." With that she left. Mal looked down at the sack again, then headed for the hatch himself. Had to get this stuff hid, just in case.

-----------------------------

River was waiting when Jayne walked into the galley. Inara had helped her get to her feet, and she stood there, unsteady but determined. Jayne took one look at her and swept her gently into his arms, one hand under her legs, the other covering half of her back.

"Baby, what are you doing up here?" he growled. She felt it through his chest and shivered.

"Waiting for you," she said simply, laying her head on his chest tiredly.

"You oughta be in bed, baby girl," he whispered softly.

"Can't lay in bed when my Jayne is out stalking the beast," she told him.

"That's all done, baby. All over with," he assured her, heading for the infirmary.

"I know," she snuggled closer. "I know." He walked into the infirmary, and gently laid her on the bed. As he slid his arms from around her, she grabbed his hand.

"Stay with me?" she asked, her eyes pleading.

"Forever," he nodded, sitting down beside her. She sighed in contentment, and drifted off to sleep. She dreamed that night, of a large, gentle wolf. One that stood guard over her, challenging all who tried to approach her.

She'd never rested better.

---------------------------------

Dawn came clear and bright over _Serenity_. Though the ship was actually ready to take off, Mal had declared one more day ground side was needed, all things considered.

Jayne carried River to the galley for breakfast, where Mal told an extremely abbreviated version of the past night's events. Simon and Kaylee had been asleep at the time, having labored for long hours readying the ship for space. Inara knew what had happened, but not the details.

River, of course, knew everything.

The sheriff came visiting soon after lunch, where he found a very distraught Jayne Cobb sitting bedside by the young woman who had been shot just four days previous. The sheriff had gone through the motions of where he had been when the Zhang mansion had 'burned'.

Jayne had explained that he had been right here, watching over his _ai ren_. River's heart skipped a beat at that, but she didn't allow it to show. He was crumbling again, and she _was_ patient.

The sheriff, satisfied that he had observed the particulars, should anyone care to ask, left. Jayne watched him go, eyes narrowing when the man looked back.

"Jayne," Mal said, his voice full of warning.

"Cap'n?" Jayne turned an innocent face to him.

"Don't go gettin' that look in your eyes," Mal told him. "Man's doin' his job is all." Jayne snorted.

"He'd been doin' his job, none o' this would have ever happened." With that he walked away, and Mal watched him go, hoping that sheriff was smart enough to mind his own business.

If he wasn't, then Jayne was liable to cloud up and rain all over him.

-----------------

The next two weeks passed without event, _Serenity _making two round trips and heading away on a third. They were still making double pay, and would until the back log was cleared. After that, Mal and Harwell had already agreed on a contract for the future. The money was less, though still good, and gave Mal first refusal of any job with the company.

As the ship prepared to make orbit over Astra, Jayne was trying to keep his mind clear of what he had planned. River could glean nearly anything from him, and he had to work to surprise her.

But this should go well, he thought.

-------------------

On the last trip, he and Inara had gone shopping, and Inara had picked out two very nice dresses she felt sure that River would like, along with matching shoes and handbags. Jayne had insisted that Inara get her some 'girly things', as he put it, while Jayne himself had picked out a very nice piece of jewelry. When Inara saw the necklace, she gasped.

"Jayne, it's _beautiful_!"

"Has to be," he nodded firmly. "Can't have River wearing just any old thing." She smiled at that. Who would have thought that Jayne Cobb would ever be such a fine 'catch' for a woman? Other than River, she added mentally.

Once done, Jayne had approached Simon about what kind of ballet 'shows' River liked best. Simon couldn't help but goggle.

"Jayne have you ever _been_ to a ballet?" he asked.

"No, but that don't mean I can't go," Jayne answered. Then added, "Does it?"

"No, of course not," Simon sputtered, trying to find a way to explain about ballet to Jayne, and why it wouldn't be a good idea.

"Simon," Jayne saved him, "I don't care what it is, or what it's about, okay? I don't have to like it, so long as River _does_. Whatever it is, however bad I may think it is, I'll sit through it for her."

Simon was speechless. Jayne really meant it. He didn't care how boring it was, he'd sit through. _For her_. Simon nodded, and agreed to look at the social pages for Astra's capital city, seeing what was available.

Normally, rim worlds didn't have much to choose from, but Astra was heavily industrialized. As a result there was a good bit of money floating around, and entertainment tended to follow money.

Incredibly, Simon found a production of _Swan Lake_, an Earth-that-was classic that River had always been partial to. He arranged for tickets, and gave the claim number to Jayne.

"Thanks, Simon," Jayne nodded. "Do something for you, sometime." Simon just shook his head, and went back to the infirmary. Jayne had already done plenty for him, and the young doctor could do no less for the gun hand.

Inara corralled River after the ship was settled, and led her away. As soon as the two were out of sight, Jayne raced to the shower, scrubbing until he thought his skin would come off. He then high tailed to his bunk, dressing in the suit that Inara had helped him pick out. But he had a problem.

--------------------

Mal opened his bunk door at the gentle knocking, and was shocked to see Jayne standing there. In a suit!

"Going somewhere, Jayne?" he asked in amusement.

"Taking River out," he nodded. "If you'll help me tie this Gorram tie!" he added, red faced. Mal laughed and started tying.

"There ya go, big man," Mal said, putting the last touches on the tie, and straightening it. "Looks fine."

"Thanks, Mal," Jayne said, then started feeling his pockets. He relaxed when his hands brushed across the small box.

"Nervous?" Mal asked in delight.

"Hell yes!" Jayne exclaimed. "I got it all planned out, o' course, but. . .well, what if she don't like it?"

"I'm sure she'll like it, Jayne," Mal assured him. "Whatever it is."

"Well, we'll see I guess," Jayne muttered. He turned to go, then turned back.

"Thanks, Mal. 'Bout the tie."

"You already thanked me, ya big dope," Mal laughed again. "Now go! "Fore you have some kinda attack."

"Right," Jayne nodded, as if Mal were serious. Mal watched him go, shaking his head.

-----------------------

"Inara, what is going on?" River asked, as the older woman laid out two dresses.

"Jayne has a surprise for you, dear," Inara said honestly. She wouldn't be able to hide it from her anyway.

"Where did you get these?" River squealed, sounding like the young woman she was. "They're _wonderful!_"

"Jayne got them," Inara smiled. "He wanted to surprise you. Has a whole night planned just for you, and no peeking," she admonished. "He'd never forgive me."

"He would," River nodded firmly. "Jayne loves you very much. You've been a friend to him, and a good teacher." Inara blushed at that.

"Well, still, I don't want to spoil it, so let's stop talking and start getting you ready."

---------------------------

Jayne was pacing nervously in the galley. Every time he heard a sound, he looked toward the entry to Inara's shuttle. Nothing. He paced some more. He'd checked the jewelry box so many times he was sure he'd rubbed a hole in his suit. Fear of that prompted him to look down.

No hole. He sighed in relief.

What was wrong with him? It wasn't like him to be so . . .

"Wow!" Kaylee's voice caused Jayne to start. He turned to find the engineer looking at him in appreciation.

"You're all kinds o' shiny tonight, Jayne!" she gushed, taking in his clean shaven face, and new suit.

"Thanks, Kaylee," Jayne mumbled, blushing.

"Takin' River out on the town, I guess," she teased. He nodded.

"First chance we've had, what with her hurt an' all," he told her.

"Simon told me what you were doing," Kaylee smiled. "I think it's just plain wonderful, Jayne. You wanting to do something she likes, even if you don't. Ain't ever man would do such."

"Want her to be happy, is all," Jayne mumbled again, his blush deepening.

"She will be," Kaylee said softly, kissing Jayne on his cheek. "You're a fine man, Jayne. She's a lucky girl."

"Thanks, Kaylee." Jayne was sure he was going to catch on fire if his face burned any hotter. Just as he was about to say something, Inara's hatch opened. Jayne spun around, unconsciously straightening his suit. His eyes went wide and his jaw dropped at the vision before him.

River was standing there in the green silk dress Inara had helped him pick out. It shimmered in the light, revealing and concealing all at the same time. It clung to her slender form like a second skin, proving once and for all that River Tam was, indeed, a woman grown.

Her hair sat piled gracefully atop her head, held in place by green chopsticks. Earrings dangled from her ears, and the matching heels made her look taller. She clutched the darker green shawl and small matching handbag, a nervous smile on her face.

"Oh, River," Kaylee gushed. "You're beautiful, honey!" She elbowed Jayne, who was still speechless.

"Wow," was all he could manage. River blushed furiously at that.

"I told you," Inara whispered from behind her. "Speechless." River resisted the urge to giggle.

"Um, uh," Jayne stammered, then composed himself. It took an amazing amount of effort.

"You look. . .you're gorgeous," he finally stammered. "But there's something missing." He walked forward. River's face faltered. Missing?

Jayne reached into his pocket, pulling the jewelry box from it. River's face lit up.

He opened the box, revealing the necklace. Gold and stones flashed in the light, and he held the box out, willing his hands not to shake. She looked from the box, up to his eyes.

"Oh, Jayne, it's lovely," she gasped out.

"It had to be," he told her softly. "It was for you." He carefully pulled the necklace from the box, and she turned to allow him to place it on her neck. He stepped back to admire his handiwork.

"Perfect," he smiled, and she blushed again.

"Jayne," Inara hated to interrupt. "Schedule," she prompted.

"Right," he nodded. He offered River his arm. "Ready, baby girl?"

"Yes," she nodded. "Thank you, Inara," she said over her shoulder.

"You're quite welcome, _mei-mei_," Inara assured her.

---------------------

The two walked arm in arm along the street. Dinner had been wonderful. They had sat and talked about many things, especially the future. Jayne had become an accomplished conversationalist under Inara's tutelage, River thought. Though beneath it was still the growling Alpha Male she had fallen in love with, the new polish simply made him more attractive as a. . ._mate._ The word came to her unbidden, but she knew it was the proper term. Wolves mate for life, and Jayne, her Jayne, was nothing if not a wolf.

"Where are we going?" she asked, leaning her head on his arm.

"Where would you like to go?" Jayne asked her in turn. He had carefully guided them along the way, and they were now walking down the street where several of the better playhouses sat. She was gazing absently at the signs and the lights when something caught her attention.

"Ohhhhh, _Swan Lake_!" River exclaimed. "It's one of my favorites."

"Want to go see it?" he asked, and she stopped, looking up at him.

"I would not ask you to do that, Jayne," she said seriously. "I'm afraid you wouldn't like it, and I would never ask you to sit through it for me." Jayne felt his heart flitter at that. She wanted to go, he could tell by the look in here eyes. But she would deny herself the joy in order to do something with him.

"Well, I don't mind, for you," he said, shrugging. "Let's at least see if there are tickets left. Then you can decided."

"I'd love to see it," she admitted fondly. They walked over to the ticket window.

"We have reservations," Jayne informed the clerk, handing over his claim number. He heard River squeak in surprise, felt her hand tighten on his arm.

""You're an evil man, Jayne Cobb," she hissed in delight. He grinned down at her.

"It's been said." He took the tickets, and gave them to her.

"A box! You got us a box?" she stammered. "Jayne it's too much! It costs so much!" He lifted her hand, kissing it softly.

"Don't fret," he assured her. "I've got plenty, and then some. And this is for you, baby girl. Not me." With that he led her into the opera house. As he escorted her through the building, he reflected on how blessed he was.

It would always be for her. His blessing. His offering. His grace.

Always for her.

------------

_And thus our tale comes to a close. Is there more in store for the intrepid crew? Will they settle on Argo, as planned, and live happily ever after? Who knows. Stay tuned!_


End file.
